It was a particularly cold morning, the entire atmosphere was covered in misty dew, Farhan rubbed his palms together to generate some heat, he had his sweater on and knitted cap but it still felt cold, he wished he could go jogging, that would at least warm him up, but he still didn’t know his surrounding that well. Why not make a fire he thought to himself, there was a fire place in the parlour that would certainly bring some warmth? To his disappointment however, there was no wood to burn, taking the initiative, he broke the old table he found outside from the look of it was no longer useful to anybody, he broke that into small sizable chunks of wood. Few minutes later a nice warm fire was burning brightly, he put off the light, the fire sending a beautiful deem glow around the parlour, slowly the place began to warm up. Making himself a hot cup of coffee, he relaxed on the sofa and put on the television, he smiled instantly as he recognised the program. It was his favourite Tom and Jerry cartoon, as usual he found himself laughing immediately, “Mum is right” he thought, “I will never outgrow this”
At that moment, he heard a slight giggle beside him, startled, he turned to find her sited next to him, she had a knitted white sweater on, her hair was tied into a pony tail and still it fell loosely around her shoulders, she was smiling her attention on the TV.
His breath caught as he beheld her beauty. “God she is beautiful” he found himself thinking, she looked so beautiful when she smiled naturally, he was getting used to seeing her like this, she looked younger, almost like a little girl, her legs were folded on her lap, she had three-quarter trousers on, it revealed the milky complexion of her shapely legs. Her absolute concentration made her press her brows together. Subconsciously, he found himself analysing her angelic beauty, her full brows, her pointed nose, the little mischievous lips and her eyes, “God, her eyes,” they were like he had never seen before, he still couldn’t understand how she did it but it seemed she could change the colour of her eyes with her moods, just as he was doing this, she laughed, a musical sound pure and soul touching, she kept laughing uncontrollably clearly enjoying herself. Then she looked at him and there was only excitement in her eyes, childlike joy and excitement.
“I didn’t hear you walk down” he said smiling.
Sssshh! She made the sound, bringing her finger to her lips to emphasize the point, she was still smiling.
He laughed softly and nodded. “Tea?” he offered.
In reply, she just nodded her attention already on the TV again.
Within a minute he had hurried to the kitchen and made a hot cup of tea, but when he returned, he was surprised to find that she had his cup in her hands and she was sipping from it, her attention still on the TV. Sitting beside her, he tried to concentrate on the TV but he couldn’t help stealing glances at her every now and then.
When the cartoon came to an end, she laughed sipping her tea, a contented smile on her lips.
“you know, my mum says I am a cartoon freak but I think I have some hope compared to you” he said smiling.
She laughed turning to face him fully, “So you are a cartoon freak also huh?”
“Yep” he replied relaxing into the chair. “My favourite carton is Lion King”
“Mine is Cinderella” she replied resting her head on the head rest.
“Yuck” he made a face, “so girly”
“Duh, it beats Lion King any time of the day” she laughed nudging him a little with her shoulders.
He laughed, “ok”
“I see you got the fire burning, can’t remember when last anyone bothered, during the cold seasons like this, mum always ensured it was burning until…” she stopped herself then.
Farhan observed, whatever she had wanted to say hurt her deeply. Her eyes became misty, as she tried to control herself.
“She must have been very beautiful” he commented with compassion.
She smiled despite the tears, nodding slowly, “she was” she said in a dreamy voice, “the most beautiful person you ever seen”. She was the best, you know?, perfect in every way, she knew everything, she was so awesome” she said looking at him.
He smiled in understanding “Mothers are like that; they are the best”
She nodded in agreement, cleaning her tears, “Yes, they really are”
“I lost my father also” he whispered thinking to himself.
“Really? I am sorry”
He just nodded sadly.
“How long has it been?” She asked
“14 years, I was 12 then, but it still feels like yesterday, we were at home waiting for him to return as usual, announce his salaams and hug his children as they run to him, to kiss his wife and tease her in his usual jovial nature, when mum got call, there had been an accident, dad didn’t make it he said painfully.”
He looked so sad, she didn’t know why, but it hurt her so much to see him like that. “I am sorry” she whispered.
Smiling quickly, he breath in trying to get a hold of his emotions, “I am just glad I have those memories of him, it makes it a little bearable.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Some days, I just sit and think about mummy “She was so beautiful Farhan, so kind, so lively, I miss her so much, I wish I could go back to those times and never leave” she whispered like a little girl.
“How did it happen?” he asked.
“Child birth” she said sadly. “I was supposed to have a little sister or brother that day, instead, I lost my mother forever,” the tears were flowing freely now, “all because of daddy…” she said becoming angry.
Not knowing how to respond that, he kept quiet.
“He was never there, he was never around, Mummy suffered it all in silence. And all for what?” She asked no one in particular, “for all these? So called wealth and fame, he was never there for us. Mummy was always lonely, she was always sad and heart broken, she made everyone else happy while she suffered in silence.”
“How was Alhaji responsible?” he asked in a gentle voice.
She looked surprised that he would ask that, “I just told you, he was never there for her, even when mummy passed, he was not in the country, can you imagine? If only he had been here, it would not have turned out that way.”
“You can’t be certain of that Risha, all things are pre-ordained by God” he said.
She gave him a hard look, “whatever” she snapped cleaning her tears, “she was always sad, she was always unhappy, that was his fault. Now I can’t make it up to her, nothing he ever does will right all that wrong. I never thought she would leave me Farhan, I didn’t even get to tell her how much I loved her, how much I appreciated her. I will give anything to speak to her again, even just once, but I can’t, all I have to offer now is my tears and my regret…”
Farhan shook his head, “I disagree” he said slowly, measuring every word “she doesn’t deserve your tears”
Risha’s eyes narrowed instantly, her head jerking up as she glared at him. She couldn’t believe her ears. “what?!” she asked when she could finally speak, she stared at him in disbelief and disappointment.
“Yes” Farhan continued, not in the least affected by her outburst. He kept his attention focused on the TV, “She doesn’t deserve your tears Risha, no, she deserves a lot more than that, she deserves your happiness, your smiles, your laughter, your joy, your earnest prayers” he said turning to smile at her.
She gasped softly at what he had just said and the beauty in the logic. Her eyes moistened with fresh tears as her lips curved into a sad smile. “I love you Farhan” the thoughts popped into her mind, it shocked her, how much she found that thought comforting. Quickly she pushed the thought out of her mind. Using her sleeves, she cleaned her tears, took a deep breath as she made up her mind at that moment to never cry again when she thought about mummy, to not dwell on the pain and the hurt but to instead remember the love, the care, the affection… “yes, mummy deserves better.” She smiled determinedly.
He smiled at her, and as always it melted her heart, reassured her, comforted her and somehow, deep within her, she realised that she wasn’t alone anymore.
They sat there in the comfortable silence that followed.
Finally, she spoke “You know Farhan, the only thing worse than losing a loved one, is having one and wishing you didn’t. I loved him so much,” she said as she closed her eyes, “Now I just hate him.”
He guessed she must be referring to her father. “No, Risha, you don’t hate him and that is why it hurts so much, you still love him. Only people you love and care about can hurt you this way. When we love and respect someone, we expect the world from them, when they disappoint and we ache and then we start to think we hate them. You are just upset and angry at him, somewhere in your heart Risha, I think you know this; I think you know he wasn’t really responsible despite his failings.”
She looked at him, “it so easy to be angry at him” she whispered. “So easy to blame him.”
“That usually is the easy way, everyone can let their anger rule them, it is easy to not want to forgive, but forgiveness comes from a position of strength, only the truly powerful can forgive. Despite the anger and the pain, you are a really strong person Risha; I know you will forgive him in time.”
She didn’t say anything, she was thinking if what he said was even possible, if truly she could forgive daddy for a crime she knew he didn’t even commit. “I don’t know if I can Farhan, he did so many things, it doesn’t feel right”
“Sometimes Risha, forgiveness is not always about right and wrong, it’s about letting go for our own good,” he said in a gentle tone. “The dead receive more love than the living because regret is easier than gratitude.”
She thought about that for a while. “You know, there was actually a time when being happy meant feeling heart piercing joy and contentment, but now, being happy just means not being sad.” She smiled sadly as she said this. “I am tired of being angry Farhan, I don’t feel okay being like this anymore but it’s all I have known for such a long time, I don’t know if I am strong enough to change.”
“I know you can Risha,” he smiled at her.
A comfortable silence followed, each lost in their own world.
“Are you free tomorrow?” She suddenly asked as if she just remembered something.
“I don’t think so, I have a lot to cover tomorrow, why do you ask?”
“well…she seemed a little uncomfortable, “it’s this cookery class I joined, there is a program coming up and we have been asked to come with our…” she stopped herself quickly. After a long hesitation, she said “Partners” instead of the “husband” that she earlier wanted to use. She looked at him hopefully now.
Farhan avoided her gaze, clearly feeling uncomfortable also.
“It’s just a formality it would be strange if I went alone that’s all and there are some ladies there who still don’t believe I am married. It’s okay if you are busy though” she smiled.
Farhan kept quiet for a long time thinking of the best way to decline and then he realised something. She was asking, and politely at that, she wasn’t demanding as she usually did, she was actually giving him a choice, letting him decide. It felt good for a change. “You know, I think I can make time, but it would have to be in the afternoon, I have some important meeting I can’t miss”
“That’s ok” Risha said trying to down play her joy, she felt so happy at his reply. “It’s starting by 2pm anyway”
“Alright, just send me the address, I will meet you there in shaa Allah”
She nodded excitedly. “I am hungry” she said, “I better make dinner, you want to join me?”
“Sure” he answered putting his cup of tea on the table.
They walked into the kitchen. This had been happening more often of late, it had been a month since she joined the cookery class and Risha was doing her best to practice what she was learning, sometimes she got it right, sometimes she didn’t, regardless, she was enjoying herself in either case, Farhan had assumed the unfortunate role of the lab rat, his job was mainly tasting her cooking and telling how it tasted. Some days when he was free, they even cooked together like they were doing now. The kitchen resounded with her laughter as Farhan did something funny. Slowly but steadily, life was creeping back into the Shehu Villa.
* * *
Farhan drove fairly fast, it was some minutes pass two, he was already late for Risha’s programme. Hanifah had left earlier to pick Risha from home, surely they were there already there by now. It felt awkward driving to that place, he was supposed to pose as her husband, and he closed the eyes to minimize the pain that thought brought to his heart, despite Risha was changing a great deal, despite her undeniable improvement, he still found it hard to accept his fate, so much had passed and still the feeling that he was only a visitor increased with time, though on rare occasions there were still times when he couldn’t bear it, when his anger and frustration fought to get the better of him, he longed and ached for his life back, for the normalcy he was familiar with, his only solace was ironically the same reason for his misery “Risha”, her improvement as a person, as a Muslim was the only upside, it kept him going, just as he promised, he was helping her become a better person. She now prayed regularly without his even reminding her, her dressing had improved a lot also, in so many ways, she was no longer the girl that barged into that conference on that fateful day. She was making tremendous progress and that was good enough for him. Though she still pranked him once in a while, but there definitely was a new self-control to her, all things considered, his crazy wife was slowly but steadily become a better person and despite everything, he was very happy for that.
He arrived at the place around 2:30pm, there were a number of cars parked at the open space facing the building, the inside was already full so he parked outside and hurried towards the gate.
“Excuse me” he heard someone call as he reached the gate.
Farhan stopped as a man dressed in security uniform approached him, a menacing scowl on his face.
“Can I help you” he asked sizing Farhan up and down.
“Yes, I am here for a program, I am a little late, so if you don’t mind I need to hurry” Farhan replied and started to walk on.
“Stop there” the man thundered enjoying his perceived authority. It’s a program for couples and you are here alone, who are you exactly?” he asked frowning.
“The lady I am with is already inside” Farhan replied trying to hide his irritation behind his smile.
“You wife?” the man asked picking up Farhan’s phrase “the lady”.
Farhan hesitated a little unable to reply.
His hesitation got the security man suspicious, “who are you exactly?” he demanded “show me some identification.”
Farhan was about to speak when he heard her.
“That is my HUSBAND!” Risha announced loudly, walking towards them. “What do you think you are doing?” she demanded glaring at the security man. “How dare you disrespect him like that?” her eyes flashing with fire.
“I am sorry madam, I did not know that, I was only trying to do my job”
“Is you job to disrespect people?” She demanded as she came to stand close to Farhan.
“I am sorry,” the man muttered looking down.
“It’s ok” Farhan intervened, recovering from his shock of hearing Risha call him her husband in public. “He was only doing his job; shall we go in?” he asked politely.
Looking at the man with unconcealed anger, Risha just waked away leaving Farhan to follow. “You are late” she announced as he came to walk beside her, they made their way to the entrance of the building.
“Yes, I couldn’t finish until a few minutes ago, I am sorry” he said
Risha didn’t reply, she was still angry, she had been angry even before she heard the security man talk to Farhan like that. She thought Farhan wasn’t coming at all, trice she had gone outside to check, she didn’t want to call him due to her pride, every time she didn’t see him, her anger only increased. So, when she heard that guy speaking to Farhan like that, she just lost it, calling Farhan her husband with such conviction, it shocked her also as soon as the words left her mouth, she was still thinking about it as they walked in.
The inside of the hall was beautifully decorated, with each couple having a table to themselves, despite his apprehension and unease, Farhan found he was enjoying the occasion, the idea of the program was to foster love and respect between couples as the anchor person explained. Many fun activities were carried out, some ladies were asked to state their husband’s favourite food, while the husbands confirmed it, ladies were asked to speak about habits they found funny in their spouses and so on, it was really funny hearing the witty statements and humorous replies of their husbands. It was a fun filled program and everyone enjoyed it to the fullest.
Finally, the anchor person said “A very special person will be giving the closing remarks today. Despite she hasn’t been with us very long, I am glad to say that she has in her own way taught us about accepting people for who they are. Brothers and sisters, please welcome sister Farisha as she gives her closing remark.
Risha smiled gracefully and winked at Farhan as she got to her feet and walked up to the front.
Farhan watched in surprise as she made her way to the front, “no wonder she was so upset when she thought I would not come, I could have missed this.” He thought.
“Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakat.” He heard her sweet voice through the speakers. The hall resounded with the reply from everyone, then fell silent.
Risha smiled broadly at everyone. Good evening everyone, “I hope we are all having fun?” she laughed
“Yes!” Came the reply from everyone.
“I will like to start by thanking God for today its all by his grace, then to our husbands for making time to come to this program. I know it’s not easy getting away from work and all your businesses but you all did and I am sure you will agree with me that it was worth it. I am the least qualified person here to speak on the topic of marriage, on any topic on marriage actually, yet, I can say that marriage is amongst the strongest bond that can exist between two people. It is unique and a gift from God. As she said this, she stopped speaking for a while as if deep in thought. Then she smiled and said in an earnest voice “You know guys, if somebody told me a year ago that I would be saying such things about marriage, that I would be attending a program like this I would say they were crazy, I have always thought of marriage as a nightmare, an eternal prison that people foolishly confined themselves to” she smiled in a weird way and looked around at her attentive audience. Now I realise that I couldn’t be more wrong”. As she said this, she smiled at Farhan, “ Marriage is beautiful, marriage can be beautiful if only we are willing to make the sacrifice that it entails and this has to be from both partners, a little bit more from our male counterparts, because let’s admit it, we ladies can be a little crazy most of the time and very crazy a few times.” There was laughter from the everyone as wives winked at their husbands.
Farhan found himself smiling despite everything, he couldn’t believe it was Risha saying this, the feeling was confusing for him, he couldn’t understand why, but he felt pride watching her speak, standing there, beautiful and bold. He tried to focus on what she was saying.
“…and so, to all our loving and caring husband here today, to all patient and understanding husbands here today, I want to say a most sincere thank you, for tolerating our excesses, for being there, now and every day.” At this there was a big applause from the males.
“I strongly believe we should have more occasions like this, I have learnt a lot. To my sisters in Islam, words cannot express the extent of my gratitude, I have found a community in you, a deen family, when I first came here, I couldn’t wait to walk out, but today I can’t imagine how life without you guys will be. This goes a long a way to show that nobody is perfect, that even the best people can err and that if we all give people a chance with a positive attitude, people can surprise you. I love you all and I want you to know just how grateful I am.” She smiled.
There was a big “wooh!” From some ladies.
“To my teacher, then my friend turned sister, Hanifah thank you for bringing me here, you are really the best.”
“And finally, to my…” she hesitated now, looking at Farhan, he was looking at her too, subconsciously, he found himself smiling. “To my…my…” she stopped again, then she finally said it, “My Husband” it felt strange to her lips not because it felt wrong, but because it felt so right. Then she repeated it again, “To my husband, thank you for not giving up on me, for being so patient with me, for helping me discover myself, for showing me a better way and showing how best to walk it, you are not one in a million or a billion, you are just one, there is none like you. Thank you so much.” She smiled at him. “I hope the days to come bring us nothing but joy and happiness…”