Farhan read the latter for the tenth time or was it the eleventh? He paced up and down in his room trying to summon the courage to do this, “God, how would she react? What would she say? What would she do? How would it affect their friendship?” He had been home for almost 6 months now and it felt like he had never been away. He still hadn’t found a job, but he had applied as an intern at the state bureau, hopefully, after his eight months intern program, those high and mighty companies might even be willing to give him an interview, he couldn’t believe he still didn’t have a job, it felt terrible to not be able to help mum out, rather he had become a burden on her, the interne programs did not pay a single dime, rather, he had been requested to pay some token before he could even enrol, but he wasn’t quite discouraged at all, he had faith in Allah that he would soon get a lucrative job. He looked at the sheet of paper folding it neatly and putting it into the book he was holding, it was time for their evening lessons. Since his return, he had been spending his free time tutoring Luna and the others, today was Luna’s turn, he had to hurry, she was never late.
As he walked out of the room, he took a deep breath “it’s now or never Farhan,” he whispered to himself.
Luna sat in the Garden, reading a book, Farhan was a little late today, she smiled at him as he approached, his steps quick and graceful.
“Hey, sorry I am late” he said sitting beside her, “hope you didn’t wait too long?”
“Nah, just a few minutes, besides you are not that late” she said smiling.
“God how beautiful she looked when she smiled like that,” her eyes held his for a few precious seconds before she looked down.
Snapping out of the trance, “let’s start” he said grabbing his note.
Throughout the lesson, he kept observing her, her smiles her laughter, the way her brows creased when she concentrated or when she was confused. The animated elegance with which she explained her views, the seductive sound of her voice, the way she probed her chin on her hand as she listened, the way she slightly nodded to show she understood. It was all so new for him, never had he been so aware, so enchanted and taken to anyone. Yes, she was the Luna he remembered, but how different she was now, how different the feeling. Since his return, he had come to know a new Luna, a more matured, more beautiful, more humble, more funny, more kind, more responsible, more, more, more Luna, she wasn’t as mischievous as he remembered, or as sharp with her humour as he recalled, but that was only with him, she seemed more self-conscious around him, more respectful, more reserved, she didn’t prank him at all anymore, though she still teased him once in a while.
“What are you thinking?” she whispered not wanting to break the trance of looking at his thoughtful face
Coming back from his thoughts and a little startled, he smiled “Nothing, I was just observing nature’s beauty,” he said.
“Yea, the flowers are a beauty aren’t they?” She said looking around as she spoke.
“Yes, but I wasn’t referring to the flowers, I was referring to something or more appropriately, someone more beautiful,” he said looking her deep in the eyes.
“Huh, what is that?” She asked genuinely confused, “what is more beautiful than this?”
“You” he said simply.
She stopped, taken by surprise, then blushed heavily when she understood what he meant. She wanted to tease him, to speak, but couldn’t, the way those gentle eyes held hers, made her flush. “You tease too much,” she smiled looking away, “don’t flatter me, I am immune to such boyish charms.”
He laughed softly getting up, “it’s getting late, you should go in.”
She nodded, getting up also, their eyes held each other’s and again both experienced the undeniable chemistry in between, it had only increased every day.
Looking away quickly, he turned to leave, “good night, don’t forget to check your maths note book, I left a jotted paper on our next topic.” Without turning to even look at her, he said good night and walked away.
Luna stared at his retreating figure, a little puzzled “What is up with him?” She wondered. Shrugging her shoulders, she packed her books and walked away.
******
Luna read the later for the third time that night, hard as she tried, sleep eluded her, she couldn’t decide what it was she was feeling, fear, excitement, happiness? She didn’t know, all she knew was that it made her heart ache, made her restless. “Farhan loves me,” she thought, pressing the pillow to her face, “he said he loves me.” Oh, how it felt to think of it, she felt like screaming, felt like crying, it seemed her heart was about to explode inside her. “What to do now?” She asked herself, “do I love him?” The question sounded ridiculous even to her own ears. Rolling over, she reached for her pen and jotter and started to write.
“My dearest Farhan,
I will keep this letter and in shaa Allah (God’s willing) show it to our children, so we can all laugh at just how childish it would seem then. I hope that by my replying you, lame as it may be, I have expressed in what a thousand words cannot convey; the way I truly feel about you.
At the moment, I feel a burning and bursting desire to express myself. I will love nothing more than to tell you in bold capitals just how much “I LOVE YOU TOO”. However, I won’t do this, because in my female pride, I think you will find me cheap and easy.
I appreciate more than you would ever understand your honesty and courage in telling me how you feel, I pray and look forward to the day when you will hear similar words from my lips.
Affectionately yours in love
Luna
Farhan read the latter for what seemed like the 1 millionth time since he had received it two days earlier, she had sent it to him inserted in her book, and since then, it seemed she was avoiding him, she didn’t show up for their lessons as planned, didn’t reply his calls and messages. Farhan didn’t know what to think, the girl was a contradiction. Why did she bother replying if she wouldn’t even see him after that? He paced up and down the garden, his heart beating widely, they were supposed to have a tutorial class today and he really hoped she would show. Being unable to see her, talk to her for two days, was unbearable for him, he didn’t know what to expect, what to say when he saw her, how was he supposed to act? Farhan had no idea; all he knew was that he wanted to see her.
And then he saw her, at the entrance of the Garden, but she didn’t come in, she only peeked at him over the flowers. Farhan felt like running over to her, she smiled a little, stepping out from behind the flowers and walking slowly up to him, all the time her head bowed.
“Hi,” she whispered when she was close, she was still looking down.
“Hi” he responded, trying to get his crazy heart under control. “You didn’t come for our lessons yesterday and the day before. You haven’t picked my calls or replied my messages, is everything ok?” He asked in a gentle tender voice.
“Sorry” she whispered, still unable to look at him, “I couldn’t…” she stopped, not knowing how to continue, and It was true, she didn’t have any reason for staying away, she was just too shy to face him.
“Luna,” he said gently, “did I offend you? Have I made you uncomfortable?”
“No, it’s not you” she replied, managing to steal a glance at his face, before looking down again.
Stepping closer, he whispered, “look at me Luna, tell me what you are thinking.”
“Didn’t you read my letter?” She asked, blushing even more.
“Yes”
“Then you must understand how hard it is for me to stand here with you, it’s very hard Farhan,” she looked at him now.
The whole world seemed to stop around them, the wind blew gently, co-ordinating the beautiful music the flowers and leaves were making.
She felt her heart stir as she stared into those eyes that conveyed his feelings.
“Yes,” he breath, “yes, I understand, I am dying here also,” he confessed.
She smiled at him stepping closer. “Sorry I have been avoiding you” she whispered.
“I understand, but please don’t it again. I almost went crazy not knowing what to expect.”
She smiled, “you better not go crazy, that’s my department, one of us needs to stay sane.”
He laughed softly looking into her eyes, they held each other’s gaze and suddenly, it seemed there was nothing to say any more. Words weren’t necessary. Unable to look into his eyes anymore, she looked down, her fingers playing with each other.
Slowly he hugged her, not the kind of hug they shared before, this was more tender, more intimate, her head rested on his shoulder, as he gently held her to him.
They stayed that way, savouring the pleasure of being in each other’s arms.
“Farhan?” She whispered.
“Hmmn?”
“When did we become like this?” She whispered. There were tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know Luna, but it feels like forever, I can’t even remember how it felt before this feeling,” he said in a dreamy voice.
She sighs deeply, nudging in closer.
“I love you Luna,” he whispered, bringing his chin to rest on her head.
“I know,” she whispered blushing.
“Won’t you say you love me too?” He smiled.
“Didn’t you read my letter?” She whispered, in a mischievous voice.
“Wicked girl,” he laughed.
She was laughing also.
“Now, we only have one problem” she said, sounding serious.
He stepped back frowning. “What is that?” He asked.
“How do we tell our parents?” She asked smiling.
They laughed at the same time again.
Farhan closed his eyes with a content smile on his lips that night, how happy he was feeling, the future held much promise for them. He didn’t believe a happier man ever walked the earth. With Luna in his life, as his own and the appointment letter he had just received from the billion-dollar company owned by one Alhaji Shehu, what else could a man wish for?
Risha’s breathing now came in short gasped, laboured, she closed the dairy slowly, her hands shaking so much that the book fell, her heart beating so rapidly, that it was faintly audible in the silence of the room.
“What could this mean? What did I just read, could it really be true, did all that really happen?”
“No” she whispered shaking her head, “no, it couldn’t be so, there has to be some logical explanation for everything, it definitely couldn’t have been so.” But deep down in her heart, with every fibre of her being, she knew it was true, knew what it meant, understood what she had done.
“Oh Allah” she whispered, the wall in her room literarily spinning around her “what have I done? Ya Allah, please, let it not be true” she cried silently, as the tears flowed freely down her white blood drained cheeks, “let it not be so.”
Nothing makes sense any more,
Life has all of a sudden become a bore
Hardly do I ever long for fun
Or smile at the rise of the sun
Seldom do I look forward to a good day
Being so downcast, I no longer see the pathway
I may do as I please
If that means anything at the least
Life has made its business
To frustrate and ruin my happiness
I have given up on hoping
But I will not succumb to mopping
I will strive on and on
So long as this battle can be won
For although this war is considered hopeless
I promise to win the battle nonetheless
I will rewrite my destiny
I will regain my sanity
For I am the master of my worldly fate
Even if most say it's too late
I promise to rise up
I promise I will never stop
Until I get to the top.