He's nice and always smiles that why it is not hard to get along with him easily. He's also gentleman and sweet that's why in my one year of being his tutor and friend, I knew my feelings for him developed.
But I am so stupid to think that his actions and act towards me means something. I thought we feel the same way that I got really shocked when he introduced his girlfriend to his father on their restaurant where I am working.
It was like the reality slapped me when I saw his eyes almost sparkle as she look at her girlfriend. He even smiled at me, looking very proud to introduce Samantha. I smiled back at him acting very much happy for him even though I feel like my heart is breaking and it hurt so badly. I am very hurt and embarrassed at the same time.
Stupid me to think, he would like someone like me. I am just a waitress and her tutor. 
I am the only one who feel something towards him. He doesn’t feel the same way to me, never.
Their visit became often, hanging out and just spending their hours together while laughing and being sweet towards each other. It was like they have their own world that no one else exists while I was away looking at them feeling envious and regretful.
I thought he likes me too.
Until they talked to me telling me I won't be his tutor anymore. They decided that Samantha would help him with his subjects that his father didn't approved though they still do it. Even before, his father doesn't like Samantha for him. He even talked to me once and confronted be that he thought Xavier and me had a relationship. Of course I acted like it was a funny statement even though in my inside I was hoping we had. And then I realize again how embarrassing it was to think that he likes me back. When he is Xavier, the son of my boss. 
Their relationship has been in struggle when Xavier failed to pass his Calculus subject that Samantha taught him. His father got very dismayed about the result that made him dislike Xavier's relationship with Samantha even more. 
It also caused Xavier and his father to fight more often, until his father got an heart attack and discovered he have a very critical condition and he shouldn't be stressed and be mad.
I don't know if I would be happy or sad to know that his father is recovering, but I know in myself that I want what his father wanted to. I wanted us together.
After he recovered he asked Xavier to broke up with Samantha and court me instead. At first, Xavier didn't agree but when he saw his father almost got another attack he immediately broke up with Samantha and court me.
I admit, I am very selfish that time. Because even though I can refuse, I didn't. I let him court me even though it was just for the sake of his father because the truth is, I want him. I like him so much I pretended not to care that he loves someone else. I was blinded and I chose to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with it.
I didn't notice that I was falling deeper to him that when I got the chance to own him, I choose to be selfish. I didn’t think of his feelings.
“I wish I wasn’t selfish. If only I controlled myself I wouldn't be feeling this way,” I said after crying as I remember those memories.
"I just wish I could turn back the time and then I'll choose to not know him at all. So I wouldn't be hurt like this now. So I didn't hurt them before," my tears started to flow at the sides of my check again as I felt the pain digging in my chest.
I don't know if this is how it feels to love I just wish, I wouldn't be this hurt. I wish it wouldn't be this painful that it feels like I don't deserve to be loved. I feel like I wasn't lovable enough to feel the butterflies and the paradise.
I tried to calm myself again. Then I turned to my best friend, Gail and smile at her even though I look like a shit.
“Can you just please, please break up with your stupid asshole boyfriend. Don't wait for me to go to him and slit his throat," she said angrily again. 
I just laugh at her reaction, she's always like that when it comes to Xavier. He's never been calm when it comes to him.
“You sound like you have a long legged person sweetie," I joked that made her pull my hair a bit.
“Your mouth really is a bit harsh. You want me to slit your throat instead Veronica Marchella. After your dramatic moment you'll be bad at me?" her voice can be heard all over my apartment.
“Yeah, and you shout like you were in Malacañang Gail Penelope," I joked again that made us laugh together. 
At least I have her, and I can still manage to laugh after the heartaches right?
I just can't drop everything easily. Not now. 
I sighed. Please, let me know what to do.
-
The next day was totally okay not until Xavier's father came to my apartment wanting to talk to me.
I owe him so much since he helped me graduate. He helped me the moment he gave me work and trusted me with it. That is why, now that he got a problem it saddens me. It hurt me seeing him sad and problematic.
They are very kind, with the years that I spent with them I knew that. They never made me feel like I am just their employee and they are my boss. They considered me as part of their small family.
“Good afternoon Tito, what made you visit? Come in, have a seat. I’ll get you something to eat,” I said as I welcome them. It was a sudden visit, I didn’t prepare anything for him.
“I apologize for the sudden visit,” he said as he sat on the couch, “I was in a hurry going here I forgot to ask my secretary to tell you,” he looked and sound worried.
I go to the dinning are where the kitchen is, it was just near the receiving area of the apartment so I could still hear him talk as I prepare food for him.
After preparing the food I offered it to Tito Felipe, Xavier’s father.
“Is there a problem Tito? Why are you in a rush? You should just tell me to come over so you wouldn’t be tired going here,” I told him, worried about his condition.
He the smiled and shrugged, “I’m perfectly fine Veronica, you guys are just too worried about me. Anyway, I came here to ask how are you two?” he said as he sipped on the tea I prepared for him. He tried to hide his worries but he still sounded like it. I know what he meant by this, maybe he knew that she’s back.
I didn’t say anything and refused to look at him too. Suddenly, I felt so little because of the truth.
I am in the position that is not supposed to be mine.
“Dear, you are my son’s girlfriend. You have the right to question his wrong. It doesn’t mean that she came back, she has the right to meddle with your relationship with my son. You two were happy when she’s not around,” his voice sounded irritated.
“It’s not necessary Tito. I don’t want to ask him,” I almost whispered.
“What do you mean it is not necessary? Maybe my son is confused, don’t let that woman take advantage of that. My son loves you, you just have to help him realize that,” he was convincing me to believe that.
I faked a smile. I don’t want to go against him since his condition is not yet safe. It might cause him bad if he is stressed.
“Alright Tito. I will do that,” I said even though I know even if I tried to do it, nothing will change.