We walk back home and set up candles throughout the house, watching the snow from the living room. We make popcorn over a candle flame and eat while we wait for the power to come back on.
After a few hours, Giorgio grabs me by my arm and pulls me down on the floor.
“Stay close to me,” he says.
I nod and he wraps his arms around me.
For a few moments, there is no sound but the snow and the crackle of the candle.
“Do you think we should call the doctor?” I whisper.
Giorgio laughs and rolls his eyes. “No. We can’t do anything but wait.”
“I’m nervous about it,” I confess.
His hand runs up my back and he rubs my neck, pushing my hair back. “I am too.”
“I don’t know why,” I say, leaning into him. “I know everything is going to be okay, but I just feel anxious about it.”
“It’s normal to feel that way.”
“I guess. I’m just glad I have you with me. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”
“Of course you can,” Giorgio says.
“No, I can’t. I wouldn’t have the courage to go through with it if you weren’t here. You make me brave.”
Giorgio’s eyes darken and he grabs my chin, tilting it up. “You are the bravest person I’ve ever met, Allie.”
“You make me feel safe,” I say.
“Good. That’s what I’m supposed to do.” He pulls me close again, holding me tighter.
We sit for a few more hours until finally the lights flicker back on.
It takes another 24 hours before they let us out of our houses, and then we have to get out of the neighborhood because of the damage.
By the time I reach the doctor, I’m almost late.
Giorgio brings me to the lobby and we sit in front of the elevator. I’m quiet, watching him instead of the doors.
“Are you scared?” he asks me.
“No,” I lie.
“Liar,” Giorgio teases, grabbing my hand. “I’m nervous too, little one. But it’s going to be okay.”
“You’re supposed to say that to me,” I point out. “Not that you’re nervous too.”
He frowns and then cracks a small smile. “Right. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper, squeezing his hand. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
The elevator dings and I stand.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod. We step into the elevator and head to the top floor. This is where I’m supposed to go. This is my purpose. This is what I’m meant to be doing.
I have to give up my kidney.
And that means giving up my future.
The doctor calls my name and I go in first. I take a seat in one of the chairs, looking around at the equipment. They told me before that this would all be done on an outpatient basis, but that I would be out of it for a while. They will do everything they can to keep me comfortable, but it’s not going to be easy.
I will have to be bedridden for a few days, and then I can start to walk around after that. But I won’t be able to have doing the intimacy again for a while, which is hard to think about. I love Giorgio so much, and this is the first time I’ve really been able to experience how good it feels with him.
Giorgio sits next to me and clears his throat. “Can you tell us how this will go?”
The doctor nods. “Yes. It’s a laparoscopic surgery, meaning we will not do a large incision. Instead, we will do multiple small ones and use a tiny camera to guide us. The entire thing should be over within a few hours. Once we have the kidney out, we will be sure to send it over to the recipient immediately.”
I let out a sigh and then ask my question. “Do you know when Magdalene will receive it?”
The doctor frowns. “We will do our best to get it there as soon as possible. You must understand that her condition is... not good.”
I look at Giorgio. His jaw is set, and his eyes are darker than I’ve seen them in weeks.
“We will be doing the best we can for both of you,” the doctor continues. “But unfortunately, we cannot predict outcomes. She will need to rest for a few weeks once she receives it, so she will likely be released back to her home after a week here.”
“She can’t have a hospital bed?” I whisper.
The doctor shakes his head. “No, unfortunately not. We do not have enough resources for that. But we will do all we can to help you both.”
“I understand,” I say quietly, standing up.
I won’t give up, even though I want to.
Even though this is the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time.
When the day comes for my surgery, I feel numb. Giorgio holds me tight for as long as he can and then I’m wheeled back to the OR.
I don’t say anything as they put the mask over my face and start the anesthesia. I think about my future, and my past. I think about everything that has happened to me since I was 18.
The moment I woke up from my first surgery and found out I wasn’t bonded to my ex-husband, to Giorgio rescuing me and then losing him to Magdalene.
And now, I’ve got him again.
And he’s worth it.
So much so that I’m willing to give up everything for him.
I wake up a few hours later, groggy. Giorgio is holding my hand, his face drawn tight with worry.
“I love you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
“I love you too,” he whispers back. “We did it, baby. We’re done.”
I smile, closing my eyes.
That was a lot easier than I thought it would be.