CHAPTER 08
"Are you ready?" My manager asked.
I am nervous. I smiled nervously at him "I am not, but I will do it. I've been dreaming for this day"
My manager tapped my shoulder and gave me an assuring smile.
Sighing deeply to calm myself, I hugged the guitar hanging on my neck. This is it!
I slowly stepped, and lights welcome me like the stars on the dark night sky. People below the stage started cheering and shouting my name. It just made me even more nervous.
But happiness dominated. At last, I reached my dream. I am now on the huge stage, in front of a huge crowd who supports and trusted me. Singing for them, bursting my feelings through my songs.
"THEO! THEO!"
I smiled at them as I first strum the first chord of the song. The first song I made, with her.
Sweet Night.
"On my pillow
Can't get me tired
Sharing my fragile truth
That I still hope the door is open"
I sang. Closing my eyes as the audience's voices slowly tone down and the song was the only thing that was heard.
And then I remembered what happened that day.
"'Cause the window
Opened one time with you and me
Now my forever's falling down
Wondering if you'd want me now"
That day, it lingers in my mind like a disease. I can't forget it, how can I? The day she died was my birthday.
I hated for that day to come for a year.
I cried. I cried a river when what she did processed to me. She really did kill herself.
I trapped myself in my apartment that whole day. I didn't talk to someone, except the owner when I got the apartment again.
Memories rained looking over my apartment. Every corner of it, I remember her.
The way she cuddles on my couch as she laugh to the movie we watch. The way she sits on my kitchen chair adjacent to me as we sip on our hot coffee. And the way she knocks on my door, and her smiling presence waits as I open for her.
I'll miss it all. I will miss her forever.
My mom keeps calling me but I never did answered it. I want time, I want time to process what she did.
I wanna get mad 'cause she left me without telling a word but I wanna talk to her to know what it is. But how? I can't talk to her anymore.
Days passed, almost a week. I started getting numb, I stopped crying. Maybe my tears run out from all the sleepless nights of crying.
Then a knock interrupted my sadness. It was my mom, with the police behind her. A tear fell from me realizing, I never even got a chance to introduce her to my mom.
I promise her to introduce her. I even promise her I'll be coming home. But I can't do that anymore. I failed her.
I don't want to entertain them but the police told me that he knew Roseanne’s reasons.
The police told me all. The traces of old scars on her body and the fresh ones. They investigated their house and found out her sister and dad died.
And the reasons of their dead was beyond I imagined. I loathe her father, without even knowing him. I wanna put him to jail but he already is dead. Serve him right.
Knowing the truth, it lessen the pain I felt but it didn't remove it all.
I know I just know her for like a few months but that time was the precious one.
She gave meaning to me. She gave color to my black and white world. She gave me hope when I thought I don't have it anymore. She was there for me but I wasn't for her.
When she was on her downfall, I was busy with my dream. I even forgot on visiting her in her apartment. I keep extending my stay when I know she's alone. She has no one.
I was an asshole for not knowing anything. I was never deserving of her.
It took me a year to process it all. I turned back to my old aloof self. I despise every time my birthday comes.
Then one night, I dreamt of her. After a year she appeared on my dream. She was smiling to me, I wanna touch her but I can't.
"Life goes on. I want to hear you sing our song. Let me hear you sing it for me"
That was what she told me in my dream. I had dried tears when I woke up.
But that morning was different with my mornings the past year. I felt like the heavy thing inside me lighten a bit.
I started playing with my guitar. I slowly tried singing our song.
"We were ships in the night
Night, night"
I sang the last part as I came back from my reverie. Slowly opening my eyes and then I met the most beautiful eyes.
Her eyes was smiling same as her lips. She was in a dark corner so it was very hard to see her but she had the most beautiful face I ever laid eyes.
She was smiling from a far, I saw different emotions in her eyes. Fond. Happiness. Contentment. And proud.
I don't wanna blink, I'm afraid she will disappeared when I do.
"I did it" I whispered staring at her, a tear brimming on my eye "We did it, my luna"
And then I blink. I looked at where she was seconds ago. But same as I expected, she was gone.
I wandered my eyes, meeting thousands of shining pairs of eyes. It screams adorations and admirations.
I may lost Roseanne, I may lost the moon that keeps me living with the darkness. But I found thousands of stars, they keep me see through the dark.
My stars. I call my fandom that. Because they equal the stars. Just like Rosie, my luna. They will never leave me, they will be staying here in my heart forever.