CHAPTER 07
"DIE BITCH! DIE!" I cried as I let my father scream his as if rehearsed words. I've been hearing it for like forever but why does it feels like it's always the first time?
"Why did you have to live?! YOU SHOULD HAVE GO WITH YOUR SLUT OF A MOM!!"
I should have? I wanna laugh. If only I have a choice but she left us. She left after giving birth to Eugene. She left.
She's lucky 'cause after for more like 20 years she was able to escape this hell. But she left us, she left us with this abuser who loves his alcohol.
I stopped from my reverie when I felt a rough hand landed on my face. I felt the stinging pain burning my skin as he spit saliva on me "JUST DIE BITCH! SO I CAN LIVE WITHOUT A RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE!!!"
If only he can hear himself, he would laugh for himself. Responsibility? Responsibility on not skipping a day physically hurting me? Responsibility on his alcohol and throwing the bottle on me?
If only I'm brave enough to fight him and if only I am brave enough to escape and let him live his life as fuck up as now.
But at the end of the day, I would end up thinking that he's still my father. And not because of him, I and Eugene won't be living today.
I know that he may hurt me and left bruises every place of my body, but it never went worst to killing me.
"Sis ..." I heard Eugene's little voice calling me. My little sister, my little world.
I didn't notice dad was already nowhere my sight can find. He left again and comes back in the middle of the night, waking me up with a stinking scent of alcohol as he abuse me again.
"I-I'm sorry ..." Eugene sobbed seeing me weakly on the floor.
"No" I shook my head as I gave her my sweet smile "It's fine, I'm okay. Don't be sorry, you did nothing wrong"
But she just continued sobbing. It's fine if I only get to suffer from this, it's fine if it's only me. As long as he won't be touching Eugene. It's fine.
Day by day I get to experience it until that one day came. My dad came home empty-handed, not even an alcohol on his hand. He was fired from his job because of his status, he goes to work drunk and caused damages to the construction.
It was hard, we only ate once a day and a whole day of curses from him, screaming how a huge responsibility we are to him and a hindrance to his freedom.
That's when realization came to me, I didn't finished college. I didn't stepped the first year, I can barely apply jobs. I still tried.
I left Eugene at home 'cause I know dad won't hurt her and truth he didn't. Day by day I walk by foot, not minding the fresh bruises scarred on my body and the hurting feet just so I can find a job.
I did found one, at a convenience store. But the problem was, it was far from the house. If I'll take this, the transportation fee would be enough for my payment and nothing left for bills and other stuffs.
But that was my last hope. So I tried finding a cheap apartment or even just a small room I can stay.
I did found an abandoned apartment with a cheap fee. No electricity and almost collapse. But it's nothing to me, as long as I can sleep.
My first day of moving there, Eugene cried and begged me to take her. But I can't, dad found a sideline I can't name and I know he won't let my sister starved 'cause unlike me he still cares for her.
The feeling of being alone was new to me. I was used to having Eugene with me and everything will be alright but I have to left her for us to live. I have no other choice but to left her and to be alone.
Then I met him. I can already tell he is aloof with people right when he opened his door. I don't even find him rude when he never said a word.
I thought it must be sad being alone, for me and for him that's when I started visiting him to borrow his tool box.
Borrowing his toolbox isn't intentional because everyday I have to fix something in the apartment.
I realize the similarities we had. Silently I observe him every time I knock on his door.
"Do you know it's rude to touch other people's stuff?!" Until that one time he shouted on me after I touched his music sheet.
I was curious. Me myself is interested in music, that was my hobby. Singing for Eugene until she fell asleep and singing every time I'm sad. I can relate to him.
After that one time, little by little he opened up to me and I was so happy. As if I successful did something great all my life. He told me things I don't know, he was there for my every first time and I was grateful.
I know for the first time I saw his eyes that I fell for him and I never thought that would happen. All my life I was trapped in our four corner house with physical abuse as a meal. I never had friends and never did know a guy like him.
That I can't blame I fell for him. He might not be verbal but he's sweet. He took care of me that I never felt before. It's always me who takes care for others.
"How about you visit them?" I asked as I observed him deleting every messages his mom sent.
I was for the first time, was envied. I never felt having a mom who really care for me. Unlike his, my mom was aloof. She never really act like a mom to me as I grow. I can't blame her though 'cause I know she was having a hard time handling the abuse she suffered.
I was able to convince him. He decided to visit his parents and I was proud of him. I was proud seeing him changing every day. The aloof Theo I knew, slowly opening up to people and learning to forgive.
He texted me updates of what's happening with him. How they made up with his parents and how his parents supported his dream.
I was envy. I wanna experience that too. I wanna have parents like he do. I know it's wrong that I was getting jealous of him. He is my friend and I like him.
But the loneliness ate me. His stay extended more weeks and I was not used to being alone. My mind was on negative chaos as every night passed being alone.
Then that one night came. I tried visiting my sister because I miss her so much. I know for myself being alone was eating my mental health and it's not good.
I have a sister who is depending on me. I have to stop overthinking 'cause I have to take action to live.
I arrived outside our house and the silence was deafening. Looking over the small house I grew up on, I thought if I can make it as huge as the Eiffel tower I dreamed of visiting one day.
And Eugene will be there, dressed in pretty baby pink princess dress. And if God will approved, I wanna have Theo stayed in there. I planned on having him forever, not just as friends but as my partner.
I wish he felt the same way as I do. That would be the happiest day of my life.
I stepped in the house, scattered glass of alcohol was on the floor. Worries envelope me, I search for my dad but he was no where. Nor my sister.
I ran towards the only room in the house. And there I saw Eugene in the corner, her eyes was empty looking over the window. She didn't even noticed me coming in.
I sat beside her and that's when she noticed me. I saw sadness on her eyes, she started tearing seeing me and I just hugged her.
I missed her so much.
She didn't talk a lot that night. I told her about my work and about Theo. She was smiling listening to me and told me she wanna meet Theo soon.
"How about you? How are you here?" I asked.
It took her a moment before she answered stuttering "I-I'm f-fine"
I tried reading her emotion but she showed me her sweetest smile telling me she really is fine.
"Dad didn't hurt you right?" I asked.
I know dad won't do that to Eugene but worry consumed me when she teared up. And then a loud bang was heard.
There came dad on the door. He was shocked seeing me but then it disappeared.
I greeted him. Even after the abuse he did to me I still respected him.
I told Eugene I'll be coming back before I left. Right when I was about to leave, she holds my hand so tightly.
I gave my dad money and he was happy. For the first time he was smiling before me. And I felt a small hope that someday, maybe someday we will be okay.
From: Theo <3
I'm also sad 'cause I miss you. I'm coming back next week, I promise.
I read. It's almost a month when he left. I'm starting to feel alone and it's not good. I miss him. I miss his face. I miss his scent. I miss his stares.
It was the 29th of December, I was so happy receiving my payment. It was huge unlike the usual, my boss gave me extra bonus for being hardworking and working extra time.
I have to. For loneliness not to consume me I stayed working.
I was planning on visiting Eugene and celebrate our late Christmas. I wasn't able to come home during Christmas 'cause I don't have money.
Smiling ear to ear, I stopped seeing our house locked. Brows furrowed, I was confused.
I started asking questions to the nearby neighbors but no one knows. Like how they stayed silent for every cry and abuse they heard everyday in our house, they keep silent.
Walking to the nearby police station, what I heard stabbed my inside a million times. I thought I stopped breathing or worst my heart stopped beating.
Eugene was dead. My dad killed her, after raping her multiple times. He killed her and then he killed himself after.
My world collapsed, tears pooled down my face as I my chest went up and down to the news.
Why did he did that?! I thought he cares for my sister?
Turned out, my dad was on drugs that time. He isn't alcoholic but also a drug addict.
The reason I was thriving is gone. I don't even know that was happening.
The thought that she will be fine when I left her was wrong. And now she died in just that split seconds.
I wished I could kill dad after dead, the respect I felt for him died out same as my sister.
The whole night I cried and cried outside our house. Gone was my reason to live, I don't know any reason to live anymore.
And then I thought of him, Theo. On how he came to my life. On how he gave meaning to my life. The way he always tells me I'm his luna. The moon that shines his darkness.
Little did he know, he was to me too.
When the morning came, I tidied myself. After the world being horrible to me, I still want to find the good in it. And I thought maybe I can see it with him.
So I came to his apartment, holding the key he lend me. I opened his apartment and search for the address of his parent's house.
And when I found it, practicing my smile I halted on the outside of their house. There gate was the old style of gate that you can see through the inside.
Then I saw him stepping out of their garden with a beautiful lady tailing him.
And my tiny hope left on me to stay alive in this cruel world disappeared, when I saw them kissed.
I guess I was all alone in this world. No one wants me, they just want to leave me.
Theo is happy in his old life anymore. I successfully help him overcome his weakness but I failed on mine.
I have no hope left, same as a reason to live.
That's when I decided to give what the world wants. Me, disappearing.
I called him after setting up my plan. I just wanna hear his voice before I left.
And I said my last words "I love you, my aeonian love"
I love you, my everlasting love
For the last time, I thought of him. On how he loves difficult words. And how he always call me luna.
But I won't be. 'Cause I know I will be the stars staring at him from above, as he shines with his dreams.
Maybe for the next lifetime, me and him will work. Like how the stars stays beside the moon. Me being his star, and him being his own moon. Shining so bright, lighting the dark with his songs.