SAKI
I almost threw up on the floor but I quickly ran to the sink and released everything I wanted to get out of my stomach. When I was done, I angrily pushed the hair that was blocking my face.
"God damn it!" I cursed loudly, then turned on the faucet with force. I struggled to bend down from the floor to grab the bottle of beer.
After I cleaned the sink and felt a little dizzy, I returned to my spot on the sofa. I collapsed onto it while still holding the beer bottle with a little left inside.
I didn’t know how many days or weeks had passed since Grie had mistreated me and I broke up with Ginger. Damn them. I can’t even fully comprehend why they would do things to me that hurt. What did I do? What was my sin for them to do this to me? Why... Why them...
Damn them. They're animals...
I slightly sat up and took a drink from the beer I was holding. I grimaced at its bitter taste, feeling it go down my throat. I don’t usually drink, but I just couldn’t stand sitting around doing nothing anymore.
I wanted to forget. Even for just a while, I wanted to forget.
Soren... Ah, how many times has she come back here? I lost count. The case wasn’t moving forward unless the victim cooperated. I didn’t want to go with her, I didn’t want to show myself to anyone. I was hurting, but my mind and body wouldn’t cooperate. My mind was shut. All I wanted was to completely forget.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m losing it. The last time I went out, I visited my sister at her detention. And it just added more pain to what I was already feeling. I was more down than ever, and I felt like I could jump from the top of the Amberson building... or the McGregor building.
The irony, huh. I’m supposed to be a doctor, but I can’t even fix myself. My mind was full of negativity.
"Saki?"
I shut my eyes when I heard Soren’s beautiful voice from the door. I even saw the faint light coming through the door before it quickly disappeared, signaling that Soren had closed the door.
"You're drinking again." It wasn’t a question at all, obvious enough since there were bottles scattered all over the floor.
Soren sat beside my feet. She placed some bags on the table.
"You smell good..." I commented. Because it was true, her scent lingered in the air. But it wasn’t overpowering, it was actually pleasant.
She faced me and gave me a mischievous grin. "Do you have a crush on me now?"
I chuckled slightly. "I'm straight, what do you mean..."
She punched the air. "Shit, what a waste." But then she smiled at me. From her backpack, she pulled out...
I sat up, frowning at it. "What’s with the speaker?"
Instead of answering, she just turned it on. "This is my flash drive, all my playlists are here," she said, showing me a small flash drive. "I love music. I play instruments and... yeah, I also sing as a sideline. I know you’ll love my playlists."
"And?" I asked.
She glanced at me briefly. "This is for you. So you can relax and clear your mind..."
Then she plugged the flash drive into the speaker. It wasn’t long before a smooth song started playing.
"What’s the title of that?" I asked. And she was right... I was starting to calm down a bit. Even though my head still hurt, I felt a little better.
"Apocalypse by Cigarette After Sex."
Ah, noted.
"You know... These are my go-to calming songs, hope they work for you." She stood up and smiled gently at me. "I’ll go ahead now, just call me if you need anything, okay?"
I simply nodded.
It’s a miracle she didn’t force me to go with her to get Grie locked up.
She patted my arm before walking away from me. I only heard the door open and close.
The music echoed through the whole apartment. It wasn’t long before my phone buzzed. When I checked who texted, I saw it was Soren.
From: Soren
Boss, if you're curious about the titles, just plug the flash drive into your phone. Also, eat something. Don’t waste it because that’s my money. Get better.
I just shook my head.
That woman is so tight with money. She rarely spends, so even though I didn’t want to, I had to eat what she gave me.
And that’s exactly what I did. Even though I felt dizzy, I cleaned the apartment. I heated up what Soren brought me. I don’t know what kind of food it was, but it seemed like Japanese food. And it was delicious.
When night came, I was once again consumed by my own thoughts—the pain. I am crying again, and I don’t know how many days or weeks I’ve been like this.
I lost count.
Ginger... I need him right now. I really need him, but he’s one of the ones who hurt me. I thought... I thought... He wasn’t like Grie... But now... He’s also a deceiver. It’s just not as obvious with him because he looks more decent. I don’t even want to know who he got pregnant... but one thing I’m sure of and remember is that there was a woman always around him back then even when we were together. She was more beautiful than me, sexier, and they suited each other. Maybe he got tired of me because I didn’t let him touch me. Most likely, they’re like Grie, wanting to be between my thighs.
And if he really loved me... Why did he act differently?
They’re all the same. They’re all the same.
I threw the beer bottle out the window while driving fast. I’m only using my car again now—it was at my sister's house. I didn’t have time to pick it up; I could take a taxi, and I was already too tired to drive every day...
And I think this is the first time I’ve driven this fast, and I’ve had some to drink.
I parked the car in front of a tall building. I didn’t park in the proper spot because I didn’t care, and I didn’t care.
Even though it was raining heavily, I got out and looked up at the towering building. Above the glass door, the word AMBERSON was written in big letters.
I chuckled weakly while the rainwater slowly soaked my body. I walked towards the entrance, swaying a bit, but I managed to get inside. Just as I expected, two guards with long rifles blocked my way.
“Your name, ma’am?” one of them asked.
I absentmindedly answered. “Saki Dela Cruz... Sakina Dela Cruz...”
I wasn’t aware of what was happening around me. I felt like I was drowning underwater. I heard my phone ring, but it was too faint for me to hear. I could also hear the noise of the rain from outside, but I didn’t know if it was really pouring heavily.
“Ma’am?”
I snapped back to reality when someone tapped my shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“We’ve called Sir Grie. You can go to him—19th floor, there’s a private room there, and it has Amberson on the door.”
I just nodded and headed to the elevator. When I entered, I was alone, but instead of pressing for the 19th floor, I took a different route, heading to the very top of the building.
Without saying a word, I climbed a ladder that connected to the rooftop. There was no one there, no workers, since it was already late, and it was almost a miracle I was still able to get in.
Ah, right. They called the devil.
I’ve been here before. Back when I loved him more than I loved myself. This is where I answered him. This is where I entrusted my identity to him. My heart. My dignity.
When I opened the door, a strong wind greeted me, along with the heavy downpour. But I was numb enough not to feel the cold from the wind and rain.
I kept walking straight ahead—towards the end. I almost tripped because I felt dizzy, and my knees were weak, but I continued walking.
When I reached the right spot, I placed my palms on the cold railing to peek at how far I would fall from up here.
I chuckled again bitterly.
It was so high. The cars below looked like ants from this height.
Would anything be lost for me? No. My sister, she’ll be gone too... I have no relatives left. No close friends. My boyfriend deceived me, and my ex raped me. The fucking irony. I’m the one who helps people so they don’t take their own lives. But here I am...
Without hesitation, I placed one foot on the steel. It was very slippery, and with one small mistake, I could fall.
I gripped the steel, ready to jump, but someone suddenly grabbed me and pulled me away. My doll shoes fell off—at least they fell completely.
When I recognized the familiar arm that embraced me, I immediately fought back. “Let go of me, you animal!” I shouted.
Along with the rain, my tears fell. The pain returned. In fact, it intensified.
I turned to face him and slapped him hard. “Why did you stop me?!” I shouted at him, then slapped him again. “Let me go! Let me go, please?!”
I cried harder when he stared at me. His exhaustion was evident in his eyes. Like me, he was hurting too. But he was one of the reasons I was feeling this way. He was the first reason why I was in this state now.
“You animal... You’re all animals...” I whispered softly. “Leave me alone. Just leave me here.”
He shook his head and briefly glanced at my previous spot.
“If you’re going to jump...” He looked back at me. “Then I will, too.” Then he grabbed my hand and gently pulled me back to where I was before.
“I don’t want to die with you...”
“Then live. Call Ginger, let him handle me. Let him do the right fucking thing,” he said, his voice tired, then let go of my hand.
He stared at me again. “Please, just do it. Call him.”
I cried and shook my head. “We’re not together anymore.” With the little strength I had, I slapped his chest. “He got someone else pregnant... You’re just like him...”
He was about to come closer when I stepped away and backed up.
He stopped for a moment and stared at me. Sadness. Anger. I couldn’t tell what emotion was on his face, and I didn’t have the strength to figure it out.
“Let’s jump. Let’s fucking jump,” he said, then suddenly pulled me into a tight hug.
*****