SAKI
Maybe I'm already losing my mind. But I can't bear to look at the child Soren is holding. But... he's beautiful. Just like his father. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.
I watched as Soren comforted the baby. She's smiling and playing with his hand. She's being gentle like she’s the one who gave birth. I never knew Soren was like this with children—she could be a good mother if she wanted to. But then, the baby tilted his head to look in my direction.
He opened his eyes. They were... baby blue. Even though he just came out of me, his hair was already thick, and his eyebrows—when he grows older, they’ll surely have a beautiful shape. And those long lashes. He's beautiful... but... I... I can't.
"Oh, that's your mom," Soren said before kissing the baby's cheek. "But I'm your mama now."
I looked away from them and turned my gaze to the large window instead. It was already night. I had just woken up and finished eating—only because they forced me to. My stitches hurt, and I still felt weak.
"I'm going to name this child," Soren suddenly said, making me pause. "I won’t force you to accept the baby, Saki… so I’ll take care of it. I’ll raise him, so just focus on recovering. And… stop worrying so much, my brother won’t be getting out of prison."
"You’re going to take care of him?" I asked, facing her. "Why?"
She stared at me. "I don’t want to say anything, Saki, especially since it was my own brother who did this to you."
"Say it," I insisted. "I won't mind. I promise."
"You don’t want this child," she started immediately. "I was watching, Saki. And if you had the chance, you would’ve murdered your own child. I can see it. I can hear you. I understand what you're feeling… but..." She glanced at the baby. "...the child is innocent."
I fell silent. Because… there was no lie in what she said.
I couldn’t speak. I just stared at her—watching as she soothed the baby when he started to cry a little.
"I can be a mother," she suddenly said. "You won't see the child again. I promise, if I hide him, no one will ever find him." She turned her gaze back to me. "Just say the word—if you don’t want to see either of us again, I’ll do it. You will never see the baby, and my brother will never get out of prison. You won’t have to see any of us for the rest of your life."
W-What...
She’s being cruel to me—I know Soren. I know she’s just putting on a fake smile because I can tell when she’s angry and when she’s sincere. She's making it very difficult for me to choose. I know she doesn’t want to give… or even let me hold the baby because, like she said… she was watching. She was just watching me while I was pregnant. She never spoke, but she listened and watched. That’s why I know she sees me differently now.
She sees me as a woman… who shouldn’t be left alone with her own child.
"I’ll wait for your decision," she said, looking at me like she didn’t even recognize me. As if I were a stranger. And it… actually pains me because… it's Soren. Just like she said, it was her brother who did this to me, so she didn’t want to say anything that might hurt me. In other words, she didn’t want to suddenly treat me badly.
I know... I understand...
She hears me... She sees how I—
"We’ll be going now," she said, leaving the room with the baby without looking back. I didn’t know which hospital this was, but it seemed like they had brought me to one of their family-owned hospitals—yeah, I used to come here regularly for check-ups, but I never cared enough to remember its name.
And I was left alone in the room. Nurses came in occasionally to check on me, and I knew two days had passed since I was still here, unable to walk properly. They were monitoring me, but the doctor said it was normal.
I haven’t seen the baby in two days.
I understand Soren. She doesn’t trust me because I don’t even trust myself... but...
"You'll continue recovering at home," said the nurse—a guy... fuck, I forgot his name. "You'll be back to normal soon, don't worry." He gave me a small smile as he packed my things. "I'll still be your caretaker for a few months. I know you're sick of my ugly ass, but you have no choice—I'm getting paid, so I won't leave you alone until—"
"Where’s the child?" I interrupted him. He immediately paused and didn’t speak for a moment.
"Oh, you mean Maximus..." His voice softened. "He's doing good. Miss Soren is taking care of him."
I swallowed hard. "How… How about the milk? They say newborns need breast milk."
"Yeah, about that. Miss Soren just told me to find the most expensive formula MILK IN THE WORLD. What a pain in the ass," he grumbled, shaking his head. "But anyway, I just bought S26 for now." He glanced at me. "That Miss Soren is so stingy. But she literally threw her credit card at me and ordered me to get the most expensive milk, and, well, S26 was the only one I knew was expensive and a good alternative for breastfeeding."
I just couldn’t hold it.
I lowered my head and stared at my feet. I was sitting on the edge of the bed because I could stand… I just couldn't endure the pain at first. "I want to see the baby..."
The guy—damn, his name, I still couldn’t remember—paused again and stared at me for a few seconds.
"I knew you were going to say that, but you have to convince Miss Soren, especially since she saw how badly you wanted to get rid of the baby before."
"Then help me," I whispered. I looked up at him. "I-I didn't mean it—I—"
"I know," he said. He straightened up and ruffled my hair. "You're a victim, I understand—we all do. But the point is, Miss Soren doesn’t want to give you the baby because she's afraid you’ll do something if you suddenly remember Grie while holding your child."
"I just want my child!" I shouted. "I'm sorry if—if I mistreated my child while he was inside me, but—" I was trying my best not to cry. "I didn't mean it!"
He pulled me into a hug. But still, I didn’t cry.
"We know that. Try to understand Miss Soren, Saki. She wouldn’t keep the baby from you if you just talked to her. She’s also frustrated because the milk she originally wanted was even more expensive than S26." He let go and pinched my cheek. "And when you finally have the baby, stab me, okay? You dumb fuck."
I glared at him in annoyance. "What did you just say?"
"Anyone would think it," he said, laughing as he walked out.
He was referring to my older sister, Ate Saica.
Fuck it, I’m not a murderer... it’s just...
I stayed in place. But it wasn’t long before the door opened again, and I immediately looked up.
It was Soren. She was carrying the baby and staring at me with furrowed brows.
"You wanna hold my child?" she asked. "You're not even his mom."
"Shut up," I muttered. But she just smiled at me. She walked closer and carefully placed… my child… into my arms. He had grown bigger… so fast? And heavier, too.
"Don’t throw him," Soren said, lightly flicking my forehead. "Hey, watch her. She might throw—"
"What the hell?" I asked, irritated. "I can't even lift my arms properly."
She just grinned at me teasingly.
I turned my gaze back to the baby in my arms.
I bit my lower lip to keep myself from sobbing. But I just couldn’t help it. The tears I had been holding back for days finally fell. And Soren just watched me as I silently cried.
Maximus opened his eyes. I saw them again.
They're beautiful—he is beautiful.
"You owe me 2,034 pesos," Soren suddenly said, making me look up at her.
"You’re taking care of him now, right?" She grinned. "S26 is expensive—give me my 2,000 pesos. You can keep the 34."
H-Huh?