SAKI
"I'll pay for it when we get back, okay."
"You better make sure! That was two thousand pesos!" Soren said, giving me a smack on the head before heading straight to her car. She waved at me before getting inside and driving off.
I was carrying my child. My nurse was already inside, tending to our things. And as I heard his voice behind me, I immediately stepped into the house.
This is such a nice house. The Ambersons gave it to me.
I sat on the sofa, quietly watching the sleeping baby in my arms.
He's beautiful. Just like his father... Just like Grie.
I smiled slightly. I kissed his forehead and whispered softly, "You're my life now."
I have nothing to lose. My child is all I have. And I regret everything I said—all the words that came out of my mouth. I wasn’t thinking straight. I am so depressed, and I hate the fact that I was raped. I feel so dirty—like... like I’ve been tainted. I can remember the way he used me, and it drives me insane every time.
I need to fix myself—for me and for the baby in my arms. I never knew this was what it felt like to be a mother. Did my sister feel this too? I bet she didn’t. She’s messed in the head. I know she’s raising her kids with an agenda in mind. While me... Maximus is all I have now.
And Grie is gone, too. He’s in prison now. I can finally have peace.
Days passed quickly. I'm doing... okay. Kind of. I'm always sleep-deprived because Maximus cries a lot. I'm breastfeeding him, but I also mix in powdered milk when my nipples hurt too much. They even bleed sometimes from how much he keeps sucking on them. I don’t know if he’s just hungry or if he’s part vampire. I never knew breastfeeding would be like this—it’s beautiful... you know, the feeling of being a mom—but it's also painful. When my breasts are full, it hurts. I can't even explain it, but it’s painful.
"Are you okay? You can go to sleep if you want," Soren glanced at me. She tapped my arm, and I scratched my nape. I was already feeling dizzy from the lack of sleep. Maximus kept crying last night, and even though three of us tried to comfort him, nothing worked. We even took him to the doctor, but they said there was nothing wrong. They said it’s normal for babies to be fussy.
Even though I felt embarrassed, I nodded. I went straight to my room and immediately lay down. The moment my head hit the pillow—no, I didn’t fall asleep right away. I just stared at the ceiling, listening to the faint hum of the air conditioner.
And then the tears started falling on their own. I feel overwhelmed. I'm feeling drained and hopeless. But I can't break down now because I have a child to take care of. And besides... Soren is helping me. I can't let that brat down. She’d yell at me non-stop if I messed up again.
It’s funny, you know. A lesbian is a better mother than me. I don’t know how, but she’s calmer than I am and always knows what to do.
She’d be a good mother.
I covered my face with a pillow. I cried silently. This is how I am every night because I can’t forget the things I want to forget. I just can’t. It keeps replaying in my head. And I want to blame Grie for that. Yes. This is his fault. This is all his fault.
I don’t regret having my child. But... the trauma Grie caused me is... unbearable. Thinking about him destroys me every time. Even just remembering his name—I can’t help but feel... worse.
That’s why I can’t sleep. This is what I do. I cry every night. I stay awake until 3 AM, and I only fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
I closed my eyes. Forcing myself to sleep.
And miraculously, I did.
When I woke up for a moment, I saw Soren on the couch beside my room. She was lying there, scrolling through her phone. I heard her mutter to herself, "This damn stalker just won’t quit." She shook her head.
"Hey, what stalker?" I asked sleepily.
Her lazy baby-blue eyes gazed at me. She rolled her eyes. "There's this weird-ass person who keeps making accounts and following me on all my social media. I’ve blocked them so many times already."
I smiled a little. "That’s probably a dude."
"HA?!" she exclaimed. But I had already closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.
By morning, I woke up to find Soren still there. But this time, she was sitting upright, asleep, with Maximus lying on her chest. He was strapped in so he wouldn’t fall. I immediately got up, washed my face, and brushed my teeth. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I carefully took my son so Soren could rest properly.
When I went downstairs, my nurse was cooking something. She also told me that Soren didn’t want to hand Maximus over earlier, so she just let it be.
Our morning went by normally, just like always. We had breakfast, talked, and when Maximus got hungry again, we fed him from a bottle. My nipples were still sore. I had already used a cold compress, but it still hurt, so I wanted to rest my body a bit today.
I smiled as I played with Maximus' little hands while he sucked on his bottle. His eyes were open, wandering around the room. What a beautiful child he is. He looks like Grie, but there’s an innocence in him that makes me want to pinch his cheeks. But I can’t yet—his skin is still too delicate. He even has dimples that show whenever he smacks his lips or yawns.
How cute.
I don’t know why, but I’m not mad that he looks like the man who hurt me. Well, he’s cute anyway. Who gives a shit if he looks like Grie? My child is mine, and no one else has a right to him—except... well... Soren, too, I guess. She’d be pissed if I claimed him all for myself.
Right then, Soren walked out of my room. Her hair was messy, the top three buttons of her polo undone, and she didn’t even seem to care that my nurse could see her black bra and cleavage. She was on a call, and it looked like she had gotten up quickly because of it.
"What are we gonna do?" I heard her ask before running a hand through her messy hair. "Does my dad seriously not care?"
I froze and stared at her.
"That’s—that’s bullshit!" she suddenly yelled. "I’m telling you, Fox, if you’re messing with me right now, I am going to beat your ass up!"
Whoa. What was that?
I stood up and listened to Soren’s call. She looked frantic, but I couldn't ask her yet since she was still on the phone.
"He did that? He seriously did that?" she asked angrily. "He's our father! He should know that’s wrong—" She screamed in frustration. "I hate this family!"
Our eyes met. Her eyes were red, and I couldn’t tell if she had been crying or if she was about to. Her pretty face looked serious, and it scared me.
I didn’t have to ask—I knew she could see that I was already wondering what was going on.
Her gaze shifted to Maximus. Her face softened. She let out a deep breath and ran a hand over her forehead. "This is messed up, Fox. This shouldn’t be happening. Don’t expect me to come home." Then she hung up.
She sat weakly on the floor, burying her face between her knees. But I didn’t speak. I didn’t ask her. I had a bad feeling, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. So, I quietly played with Maximus, who had just finished drinking his milk. His baby-blue eyes were still wide open...
Then Soren leaned her head against the wall.
"I’m so sorry, Saki," she suddenly said.
"What happened?"
She bit her lip.
"What happened?" I asked again.
She didn’t answer immediately. She just stared blankly. Then, when her eyes met mine, she gave me a sad smile.
"I’m sorry. I really am."
"Stop saying sorry if you didn’t do anything wrong," I muttered, staring at the floor. "What happened?"
I smiled bitterly.
I already knew.
"My father... bailed him out of jail."
See?
"holy shit, I can't believe that my shit of a father did that," she said angrily. "You know my father, right? He's a demon. There's nothing we can do once... once he makes a decision. He doesn't give a shit about how his own children feel."
I lifted my gaze to Soren. She chuckled. "Maybe if I ever got pregnant, he'd have the baby removed immediately. You know, I'm still young," she joked. But she ran a rough hand over her face, as if she couldn't even bring herself to joke anymore.
"My brother... he's free again," she whispered. "He's back at the mansion... again."
I kept staring at my child.
I don't want to cry anymore, and no, I am not crying... but—
"Does he know I gave birth?" I asked weakly.
"That's what Fox said. He knows everything now."
My lower lip trembled. Now, I feel like crying. "I—I know your brother..." I covered my face with my hands, letting my tears fall into my palms. "He's not going to take my son away from me, right?"
I know him. I know him. That's how evil he is.
Soren didn't answer at first. But eventually, she spoke softly. "He... won't. I promise you... he won't. We'll figure something out." She stood up and fixed the buttons of her shirt. "I'm heading out for a while."
I wiped my tears away. Silently, I watched Maximus. Our eyes met.
I gave him a gentle smile. And I felt his tiny hand wrap around my ring finger. He was holding onto me.
God, I am so tired.
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