SAKI
"I don't trust guys like him," said Ate Saica, her eyes fixed on the outside of the window. She exhaled the smoke from her cigarette. "And it's true, he's not really old enough for your age."
She turned to face me and looked at me seriously. "But you can't be with him."
I scratched my neck awkwardly. "Come on, Ate, I’m not planning on dating him. It just happens that we see each other sometimes."
She sighed and stared off into space. "You're so beautiful. I just wish you didn't inherit my charm," she said. "You're not like me, you'll get hurt, and you'll get hurt when the time comes."
Not like her? Huh? What does she mean by that?
Ate Saica flicked her cigarette out the window and walked straight to her room. When she came out, she was holding something.
"They don’t check your things when you enter the gate, right?"
I nodded.
I raised my eyebrows when I suddenly saw Ate Saica's smooth, flawless legs. When she sat next to me, her shirt rode up, and I didn’t see a single trace of belly fat.
She and Grie were really perfect for each other. If he hurt my sister, the sun wouldn’t shine on him anymore.
"Here, take this."
Ate placed something on my lap. When I took it, I was shocked. "Wait, this is a folding knife?!"
She smiled faintly. "Use it when you need to, especially since you go home alone."
I opened the knife. Wow, it looked sharp and brand new. "Can I use this on Kuya Grie if he pulls me again?"
I was just joking, but it seemed like Ate liked the idea I suggested because she smiled and shook her head.
Hmm, maybe I could actually use it. Just as a deterrent. Hehe.
PRESENT TIME
"Thank you, Soren," I smiled at him, though reluctantly. "Go home now, so you can rest."
He sighed and calmly combed through his short hair. "I’ll stay if you want to. You're still not okay."
I looked down.
I wasn't okay. And I didn't know when I would be. But I could manage. I could keep going.
I shook my head. "I’m fine. Tomorrow, okay?"
His blue eyes stayed on me for a while. But after a moment, he nodded and gave me a small smile. "Tomorrow then," he said, walking toward his car parked in front of my apartment.
I waited for him to leave before I turned to face the closed door.
I took out my key, shoved it into the doorknob, and twisted it open.
Darkness immediately greeted me. And the familiar scent of Ginger. His scent lingered in the air. And it only made me feel worse. It weighed heavier on me.
I walked inside and didn’t bother to turn on the lights.
I'm home. But it doesn’t feel like home at all. I don’t even know how long I’ve been gone. Even Ginger, I haven't spoken to him yet.
As I stood in the middle of the darkness, I felt myself on the verge of tears again. I sat down on the floor and sobbed. I could barely breathe, trying to stifle my crying. I didn’t want to hear my own sobs. I didn’t want to...
I looked up when I heard a sound from outside. I quickly wiped my tears. I stood up and immediately went to the door to turn on the light.
The light flooded the room, and with it came the sight of Ginger standing in the doorway.
When our eyes met, he smiled sadly at me. "Hey."
I wanted to cry, but I held it in. I raised my hand and gave him a small wave. "Hi..."
He exhaled sharply and ran his hand through his hair.
For a moment, I wondered.
Why did he look more troubled than I did?
"Saki, let’s talk."
I tilted my head. "H-Huh?"
He looked at me with sadness. Suddenly, he pulled me into a tight hug. He buried his face into my neck and stayed there without saying a word.
I held him back, not saying anything, just letting his familiar scent fill my nose.
"Saki... Come on, let’s talk," he said softly after a while. He pulled away and held my hand. He gently tugged me towards the sofa.
We sat down together. He leaned back against the headrest and placed his arm over his face.
"Is there a problem?" I asked him, because honestly, he looked more worried than I did.
"I love you so much, Saki... You know that," he whispered, causing my heart to race. "I love you so much, even if you leave me... I can’t forget you."
"What’s the problem?!" I raised my voice at him.
I wanted to tell him what had happened to me, but he looked like he was dealing with his own issues.
"Saki..." I heard him sigh. "Saki, I got someone pregnant."
I froze and stared at him for a long time.
He was still in the same position. His arm still over his face.
I laughed awkwardly. "W-What are you saying..." Tears were already welling up in my eyes.
"I got someone pregnant," he repeated. "I'm sorry. I’m so fucking sorry." He moved his arm from his face, and when our eyes met, I couldn’t hold back anymore and started crying.
"I won’t make any excuses to you. No matter what my reason is, nothing’s going to change, Saki. Nothing’s going to change..."
I turned my gaze away from him. I curled my face into my knees. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t make a sound. I just stayed there, quietly sobbing.
I don't even know what to think anymore.
"But I love you so much. I love you so much, just remember that."
It wasn’t long before I felt the warmth of his body against mine. I cried even more when I felt his hug. It was so tight, and I could feel the sadness surrounding us.
"I won't forget you," he whispered to me. "I'm sorry, Saki. I'm also hurting, but I don't want to lie to you."
I moved away from my position, with my face buried in my knees. I lifted my eyes to him and gave him a sad smile. "I know... You're a good boy, remember?"
But why you too? Why... Why do you...
I let out a sigh.
Nothing will change if I shout at him. Nothing will change if I hurt him, and especially nothing will change if I get angry. Nothing will change. Nothing... Nothing can be changed anymore.
"So... I guess this is the last chapter of our story, huh?" I asked bitterly. "It’s okay... I’m happy you were a part of my life..."
I stared at him again, into his eyes...
"Take care of your family."
He bit his bottom lip. And his eyes, filled with tears, but he was holding them back, I knew it. "I... I don't love her..."
"But you’re having a child, aren't you?" I raised my palm and placed it on his cheek. He held my hand and kissed it repeatedly.
"Ginger... No matter what your reason is, I won’t get mad at you..." I whispered. "You’re the best man I’ve ever known. You gave me everything, baby."
"Don’t let me go, Saki," he whispered softly.
I bitterly laughed quietly. "What are you talking about, I’m fine... You can go home now... Someone’s waiting for you."
"But..." His grip on my hand tightened. "You are my home."
"Not anymore," I said coldly. I pulled my hand away from his grasp. "I’m fine, just go now."
I stood up and left him in his place. I heard him call my name several times, but I didn’t turn around. I entered my room and immediately shut the door.
I went straight to my bed and lay there.
"You’re just the same," I said bitterly, then threw the vase from my side table at the wall. It made a loud crash when it broke and fell to the floor.
"You’re no different." I grabbed the alarm clock and threw it at the wall as well.
"You’re just the same..." I whispered to the air. "You’re both animals."
I laughed sarcastically.
What else did you expect, Saki?
***