SAKI
I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to see his face. It hurts. So much. It feels like my heart is being squeezed. I don’t know if the pain will ever lessen, and I don’t know if I will ever forget.
I glanced at where he was sitting. He was just there on the sofa, and like me, he was probably just as confused.
Grie.
What have I done? What did I do to you? To all of you?
I hugged my knees tightly, wrapping my arms around myself. I was freezing because I was soaking wet—just like him. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care how cold I felt. I wished the cold would just take me away.
"Have you eaten?" he asked in a hushed voice, but I didn’t respond. I remained in my place on his couch.
And yes, I was here. In his condo. Nostalgia. Everything was coming back to me. This was where it all started. This was where I fell in love with him. Where he took care of me. Here… here was where we…
I didn’t realize I had been staring into nothingness until tears started falling from my eyes. I sobbed and pressed my forehead against my knees, trying to hide my crying.
But I knew it was useless. He could hear me. He could hear every sob, every breath that hitched in my throat. And I didn’t want him to hear me—I really didn’t. I didn’t—
But what could I do? I couldn’t stop.
"G-Grie!" I screamed when I felt a hand touch mine. I instantly recoiled, pushing myself into the farthest corner of the couch. Even though there was nowhere else to go, I still tried to get away from him.
I didn’t want him to touch me. I can't take it!
And yet, in the end, I was the one who froze. I looked at him. He was kneeling in front of me, staring at me intently. He looked exhausted—just like I did.
But I would never forgive him. I will never forgive them. No matter what happens. No matter…
"Please..." he whispered. "Please… eat something first," he pleaded. "Before I go, please eat something first."
G-Go?
"W-Why?" My voice came out hoarse. "What's the fucking point, Grie?"
I nearly flinched when he grabbed my hand. He was shaking, and he was ice cold. He kissed the back of my hand and whispered, "Just eat something… please."
Without thinking, I nodded. I quickly pulled my hand away from him and averted my gaze.
Seconds later, he stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn’t know how long he stayed there, but I could smell something fragrant. And when he returned, he was carrying a bowl. He pulled the table closer and placed it in front of me.
Soup.
I bit my lip as I fought back another sob. But I froze when he leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please, eat."
Then he pulled away. He went straight to his room, and when he came back, he looked more composed. He was carrying some clothes, which he placed on the sofa where he had been sitting earlier.
I knew what they were—a change of clothes for me.
When our eyes met, my chest ached even more.
Those baby blue eyes…
God, why did I have to meet him? Why him? I wish I never had. I wish… I really wish I never had.
"I'm leaving," he said. "Stay here."
He walked to the door. And for one last time, he turned to look at me. Then he left.
I was left alone with silence.
I stared at the food in front of me. I didn’t touch it. I didn’t move from where I was.
I'm fucked.
I didn’t know what was right anymore. My mind was a mess. And my heart—it hurt so much.
Ate Saica...
I didn’t know who to turn to anymore. She was the only person I knew I could hold on to. But—she would be gone too.
I would lose her.
I had nothing left. Ate and I had no relatives. Our father was dead. Our mother—we didn’t even know where she was because she left us when we were kids.
I have nothing.
And I would lose even more if I lost my sister.
Ginger—Ginger…
Why now? We’ve been together for so long. For so many years! So why did she still betray me?!
Did I really exist in this world just to suffer through all this?
Even though my knees felt weak, I forced myself to stand up because I was shivering from the cold. No matter how much I resisted, I forced myself to take the clothes Grie had left for me. I changed. I folded my wet clothes and underwear and placed them aside.
Once I was done, I sat back down on the sofa. Then I lay down, hugging myself.
I couldn’t stop crying. Again.
But I didn’t stop myself anymore. I just cried and cried. I didn’t know what time I started or what time I stopped.
I wanted to rest, but I couldn't sleep.
Then I noticed light filtering through the closed window. Grie still hadn’t come back.
And the hell I fucking care!
I didn’t care what happened to him.
After everything he did to me—after he violated me— I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him.
And I knew I never would. Never, until the day I die.
Soon, my phone rang. It was sitting on top of my wet clothes. I had no idea why it was still working. But I picked it up and checked who was calling.
Soren.
And the time—8 AM.
Even though I was weak, I answered and pressed the phone to my ear.
"H-Hello?" My voice was barely there.
"Saki?" It was Soren. "It’s really you. Good news… my brother surrendered. He turned himself in to the police."
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"My brother… they’ll take care of it. We’ll make sure… that… that he never gets out of there."
I heard her voice crack. She was hurting because of what was happening to her brother.
I understood her.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
But when everything she said finally sank in, it felt like a thorn had been pulled from my chest.
I held my phone tightly as silent tears streamed down my face.
I didn’t know if I was happy.
But for the first time, the weight on my chest felt just a little lighter.
****