Like Jongdae had expected, Jisoo caught a cold. A bad one. She couldn’t stop sneezing and coughing, her body temperature was skyrocketing and her nose running like an open water faucet. They got scold by Jongdae’s mom for being too careless leaving the house in the rain with no umbrella.
Her reasoning was nothing more that she had no idea it would be raining when she came out of the house, because she just wanted to take a short stroll to ease her mine. And she deliberately didn’t tell anyone because she wanted to be alone for some time. It didn’t make her aunt happy though, but at least everybody stopped asking and making more fuss about it.
She almost didn’t sleep last night. After few minutes dozing off, she was awakened by a nightmare. Her heart was racing with the thoughts of Sehun leaving her in the darkness at her dream. She never felt this scared before, and the feeling led to a migraine and it got worse after an hour. Because everything was suddenly so blurry and literally spinning around.
And she didn’t know what time it was when she started feeling nauseated, Jongdae found her puking her guts out at the bathroom afterwards.
Since they didn’t wish to wake her dad, her aunt decided to call Yeonseok instead. Jisoo was half conscious when she heard Yeonseok’s presence by her bed side, along with her concerned aunt retold him the drama that happened earlier. He put his hand on her brow for a couple seconds, then he caressed her cold sweaty head, his voiced was so soft when he spoke on her ear,
“Alright, Jisoo, it’s going to hurt a little, okay?”
She felt someone hold her hand and forearm and a second later she whined painfully when she felt something stung just below her thumb.
“It hurt.” She whimpered. Her voice was weak, she wasn’t sure if anyone heard her.
But Yeonseok did, because he calmed her by stroking her arm gently while applying adhesive plasters on her wrist and at the back of her hand. Then when he asked Jongdae (most likely, because he used casual language at the time) to remove his hand on hers, the pain on her hand slowly disappeared, so did her consciousness.
She woke up as the sunlight peeked through her open window. Her extreme headache had gone, she had stopped sneezing and shivering. Right then she found out that she had IV drip on her left hand when she tried to move it, and that’s when she realized someone was on her bed.
As she turned around, she found Yeonseok fell asleep at the other side of her bed. He sat and leaned at the head board, arms folded on his chest, while his head limped to his right side. Much to her surprise, she stretched out her arms to reach him, but before she did that—she coughed.
And it woke him up.
“Hey, you’re up.” Yeonseok greeted her while pinching his nose bridge.
“Why are you here?” she asked, dumbfounded.
He slided off from her bed, took a stethoscope on the bed side table and made a round to her side. He then helped her to get up and put a pillow behind her back to lean on. It’s so natural of him, Jisoo felt this weird pleasurable feeling gripping her heart.
“Your aunt called me in the middle of the night,” he put his hand on her brow, then to her IV drip-free hand to check on her pulse, “Telling me that she had this particular niece who was in the brink of the death, because she had a striking high body temperature, severe dizziness and throwing up, not blood, fortunately—can you take a breath for me?”
Jisoo straightened her seat and chuckled at his personal joke, then she took a deep breath as he pressed the chest-piece on her back. She remembered his gentle voice ringing on her ears last night, she thought she was hearing things because it gave her an unexpected soothing effect.
It made her pain go away.
Now she felt bad for him to stay with her all night when he was supposed to take a rest before the wedding.
“I won't mess this up, will I?” she asked few moments later.
“One more breath, please.” Jisoo did one more like he said, “Alright. I won’t say that I’m not concerned, but no, you won't mess anything up. You're having a panic attack, and with all those restless days you spent at the hospital; they could take quite a toll on your health.”
Was that what he called it? That she had a panic attack? Jisoo was wondering if this was him being truly oblivious or indifferent for the underrated diagnosis, because no, she absolutely had no panic attack, it’s not even near that—she thought. But she felt much guiltier right now as he said that.
“I’m sorry.” She mumbled in a guilt-ridden tone.
“No, don’t be sorry. It’s not even something you can plan. Some people may experience prewedding blues when they’re getting married, so I think this may explain the mood-swings and all. And this might have taken a lot from you, but I’m sure it will get better as soon as we get over it.”
Jisoo nodded willingly, she had nothing to say but letting him believe what he wanted to. It’s better that way anyway.
When he decided Jisoo had enough immune booster, the next thing he did was releasing her from the drip. Jongdae came to visit her with her dad, and he was slightly fuming because no one told him about her breakdown the night before.
“No one cared about this old man feeling, leaving me in the dark when my daughter is seriously ill.” He complained.
“Dad, I’m not ill. I’m fine.”
“She’s alright, Doctor. It’s just exhaustion, she’s healthy as a horse now.”Yeonseok came in rescue. He explained him the medication he had injected on the crystalloid hydration through her drip, suggesting that she needed to stay in bed for a couple hours before she started today’s activity. With that, they agreed to rearrange their schedule and had the hair and makeup stylists did her preparation at home instead of the venue’s longue, then they could transport her to the Raum when everybody’s ready.
And when he saw there’s nothing more he could do to help, he excused himself to go back home and get some rest.
“You need to work on the way you address me, Son. I’ll be more than a colleague for you after today.” Her dad remarked after Yeonseok politely refused his invitation to have breakfast with the family. He was too comfortable addressing him by ‘doctor’ rather than any other familiar name.
“Dad!” Jisoo whined on embarrassment.
“I’ll do that after I pronounce my vow this afternoon, Doctor.” He chuckled as he turned to her to bid his goodbye. “I’ll see you at the wedding.” He said and proceeded to leave her room after giving her a goodbye kiss on her cheek… In front of her dad! For God’s sake.
She flinched lightly from the skin contact; even Jongdae was surprised to see his blunt move. She couldn’t take her eyes off of
 his back when he’s gone with her dad, leaving her with Jongdae trying to hold back his laugh.
“Jee, I think you have blood stain in your cheek,” Jisoo raised her eyebrow, half shocked as she put her hand to where he pointed on. But Jongdae scratched his words a second later, “Oh no, my bad. It’s not blood, you just blushed.”
Alright, that’s it. She could take all his jokes but not this one. Jongdae sprinted out of her room when Jisoo briskly turned to her bedside looking for something to throw.
The house became busier two hours later. The makeup crew from Han Seojung’s salon arrived in Yeonseok’s request right after Jisoo finishing her breakfast, she took a good shower before letting them help her to get ready. She sat on her vanity while the makeup stylist did her face and two other ones did her hair. They curled it with jumbo hair curlers, and styled it onto high curly updo covering her ears with a dutch side braid.
Time flashed so fast, it felt like that jumping stone you threw at the river’s surface. Jisoo was in daze, that she failed to follow everything happening around her most of the time. One time she was still in her bedroom, and the next moment she was surrounded by strangers at the bride’s lounge. Most of the guests were either her dad’s or Yeonseok’s family colleagues and relatives, she herself didn’t have that many friends other than those who had been in her study groups, so she really didn’t have much to say rather than a formal gratitude.
If she wasn’t so lost in her thought, Jisoo would be awed by how beautiful the decoration of the venue was. The open sky of the garden was now covered by a grand ceiling drapery, all in traditional white. They had roses, peonies, orchids and thistles in varied colors succulently arranged for her beautiful bouquet, also for the banquet’s posies and centerpieces. She would be aware of the tight security around the venue for the President’s appearance, all the more even when the First Lady made a visit to the lounge to greet and congratulate her herself.
She wasn’t herself at the time, she felt like her soul was wandering to places far away and leaving her body to deal with people in her most perfect poker face. Time flashed so fast, she wasn’t even fully in her lucid moment when her dad linked her arm to the crook of his elbow, and walked her to her awaiting groom-to-be at the altar.
If she wasn’t drowned so deep into her own thoughts, Jisoo would see how many people looking at her in awe for her beautiful dress and hair. And she would notice the genuine smile Yeonseok threw her when he took her hand from her dad, how he looked at her lovingly as if she was the love of his life and this wedding was anything but an arranged marriage. She would see how good-looking he was in his black tuxedo, with his hair neatly pushed back, and how tall his body was looming before her as they recited their vows.
Her soul was meandering as the officiant pronounced them as husband and wife. And for the second time she flinched as she felt his lips on hers. Jisoo couldn’t catch what this feeling was that overwhelmed her when he pulled her on her waist and his lips moved so gently on hers in soft kisses, she felt so emotional, accidentally dropped her bouquet when she wrapped her arms around his chest, and held him tight. Her eyes closed tightly against the prickling of tears gathering behind her lids, ignoring the noise generated by the crowd as he kissed her again.
In the crowd’s eyes it was probably one of the sweetest and touching moments for the bride and groom, but nobody knew that it was actually her most heartbreaking moment.
That was the last time she cried over her wistful breakdown.
*
It was raining again that evening. Yeonseok took Jisoo to his apartment as they had finished the ceremonies and family gathering after the reception. Jisoo originally planned to go home with her dad, but her old man insisted that she supposed to follow her husband instead, and that he would be fine alone. Her aunt even had to assure her that she and Jongdae would come to check on her dad every hour if they needed to. They had packed some of her clothes anyway—without her knowing.
Yeonseok’s apartment—Jisoo had no idea how to put this—was beyond her imagination. Given to his chic appearance, she expected to find a modern designed luxurious penthouse like those where the doctors live on serial dramas. His was located in this elite complex—in which the good news was it was much closer to her college—but it wasn’t that luxurious where you could get your own floor and rooftop balcony.
They had three suits in each floors, and his was one at the end of the corridor, which in Yeonseok’s defense had the best view among the other two. When he opened the dark replenished wood door to his house, he let Jisoo entered the threshold first. She moved slowly as if she deliberately wanted to check out every detail of the house. She walked through the foyer which led to a grand hall where the living room and the kitchen shared the spaces. The wall was in elliptic shape, filled by two humongous rectangular glass walls separating a woody granite pillar stood magnificently showing off the beautiful skyscrapers night scene of the Seoul city. There was a mirror-side working desk at the right window with rolling chair which you can tuck wherever side you wanted to face to—window side, or living room side.
“In your architect eyes, how good is this place?” Yeonseok asked some moment later.
Jisoo was in his open library when she heard him; he must have realized that she was using her professional view while having her moment with his house.
“One out of ten?—It’s nine.” She replied him honestly, and he gave her a satisfying look. “It’s homey. I can see you a lot in the design of the interior itself.”
She explained how she loved the choice of more woody furniture rather than monochrome leather following the modern trend. She loved the library, even though it was filled by medical books and encyclopedias in high numbers, she was surprised to see the collection of some fictions there—she never thought of Yeonseok as a melancholic and romantic kind of guy.
“I bought those for you. Jongdae told me you love reading novels.”
This. Jisoo had to respect Yeonseok’s efforts to win her heart since they agreed to get married. It felt like he’s doing it all the way, and in a very lethal way, it melted her heart because those kinds of things were so sweet.
“I do, thank you so much, but you shouldn’t have, really.”
“Thank you is enough. I don’t think it goes well with the ‘you shouldn’t have’, I tell you.” Said Yeonseok confidently as he was dragging her suitcase to the bedroom.
It suddenly came to her mind to see where the bedroom was, her bedroom to exact. She followed him to see it, only to find that she had none. Or if she might say—
“You only have one bedroom?” she asked, surprised.
He nodded nonchalantly, like nothing was wrong with that. “I didn’t plan to have a roommate or welcome a night-over guest when I bought this suit.” He reasoned.
“Then how will we have the sleeping arrangement?”
He chuckled in hearing that. “We don’t have one, Honey. You’re a wife, remember? A wife should be sleeping with the husband.”
“But I—wh—“
If Yeonseok thought it was funny, Jisoo didn’t. She turned around and walked away before the embarrassment taking her down. She could feel her cheek burning, and her face turned into a steamed crab. She knew that a marriage was not only uniting two souls and family, but something physical was a thing that had never occurred in her mind, not until today. She didn’t sign up for this.
Stood by the window, she threw her gaze looking out to see the rain pouring hard. The silence was deafening, it felt strange not to be able to hear the sound of the rain. It usually calmed her, but now—
“Here you go.”
Yeonseok’s sudden appearance made her almost jumped. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t realize he stood beside her, offering—what she assumed was—a champagne. She looked at the transparent golden liquid in the crystal glass on her hand, wondering if she should drink that or not, because alcohol was never her thing.
“I don’t really drink, Oppa.” She told him in case he forgot, she didn’t even finish her champagne at the dinner banquet earlier and she thought he saw that.
“I know, it’s just sparkling water for you.”
Oh, well, apparently he did. And she couldn’t help another blush on her cheek because he had shown the greatest care on her behalf for the umpteenth time today, she almost fell for him.
Almost. Because the fact was, she didn’t, or didn’t want to.
So she turned back to face the window, and kept silent while sipping the water. Ignoring the surprisingly nice taste on her tongue, because she was just too proud to admit all the things Yeonseok did today was beyond considerate, and sweet, and everything but dissatisfying. She didn’t want to admit that it was not hard to actually like him, or that, what Jongdae once told her, he’s not that bad choice and she should’ve at least tried to open her heart a small bit.
But that was exactly what scared her the most. She didn’t think an idea of someone new was a good thing after Sehun. She was still in the crawling phase, and it took a long time to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, and probably much longer to mend them into whole again.
“Mind to share what’s in your head right now?” Yeonseok broke their silent few moments later, asking for a cent of her thought.
Jisoo turned for a flash glance and pointed her hand to the scene outside. “It’s so beautiful up here. It felt like we’re stargazing right now, although it’s actually city-lamps-and-moving-cars’-light-gazing.”
“It’s actually more beautiful like this.” Yeonseok took the remote on the livingroom table, and switched off the lamps leaving the only lights from the side lamps at the every corner of the room.
Now as the room was dimly lit, she could see the outside view much better, and definitely, much brighter. She’d never been in this height before, except when she was on flight as her plane took off after the sun set. It was still a mystery as to what exactly drew her to this amazement, she’s never really into night view before but it seemed like the scene before her was a good distraction to her uneasy feeling with this whole situation.
It’s awkward to be in the same room with Yeonseok when nobody was there but only two of them. Especially when he stood so close, sometimes she could feel his arm rubbed onto hers. And when her distraction slowly faded away and got her back to the reality, she stopped gazing out; suddenly feeling so aware that the absence of distance between them fazed her.
She was aware when Yeonseok tilted his head and stared at her, and she was so nervous that she didn’t dare to turn to him. She was aware of his smile while watching her; he probably thought she was daydreaming again. Her heart started beating erratically when he moved, and put his glass on the table. She crunched the cloth on her waist when she felt him stood behind her back. And when he wrapped his arms around her chest, she froze.
She stayed motionless like a living statue as he trailed soft kisses along the exposed skin on her shoulder, to her neck. Her grip went rigid, and she closed her eyes tight for the scary thought of what would happen next. Then her body started trembling unconsciously, and a sudden jerk struck her as Yeonseok nibbled her ear, she accidentally dropped her glass.
Then he stopped.
“Now that’s not a reaction I expected.” He commented with a soft chuckle a moment later as he turned her body around to face him, only to find her sobbing. She was shaking hard, and she knew it stopped him from giggling, because the effect was just the other way around.
“Why are you crying? Oh God, you’re making me feel so bad.”
Jisoo didn’t have a slightest idea where all these tears came from. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry anymore, but her fear had taken the most of her and it was out of her control.
“I’m sorry.” She said while wiping her tears, she was so embarrassed and stupid she wanted to bury herself to the ground.
“No, stop saying you’re sorry. It’s okay to say ‘no’, you know.” He lifted his hands to cup her cheek and wiped her remaining tears.
“I’m just—“ She sobbed, “I’m not ready.” God, how could she felt so scared and guilty at the same time? It’s so confusing, what happened to her right now?
“You see? We need communication, Jisoo. You have to tell me you think, what you feel, or whatever’s going on in your head so I’ll know what to do. I don’t want you to flinch every time I touch you. If you’re not ready, well, then we’re taking it slow, I won’t push you. Just—“ he shrugged, “Let me know what to do. You got me?”
Jisoo gave him a couple nods before he wrapped his arms around her petite body. He gave her a total different vibe than before as he held her, because now it felt warm, and nice—and calming. It was about a minute later when he pulled her off and suggested to call it a day. He took her hand to follow him to his room when she suddenly halted, realizing what he was about to do.
“Are you going to sleep on the bed too?” she asked instantly.
“Hm, why?—Oh, no. Don’t give me that look.” He had his finger pointed at her when it seemed like he knew what she was thinking about, “I’m not sleeping on the couch, not ever. As much as my willing to take it slow, I’m still your husband, and I’ll sleep on my bed. With you.”
“I can sleep on the couch.” She pleaded. Seriously, they’re sleeping on the same bed was just too contrary to what he said about taking-it-slow earlier. She wasn’t really a fan of the idea itself.
“Nobody sleeps on the couch tonight, Jisoo. We’re sleeping in our bed. I won’t snuggle on you if that’s what your worry is about.” He insisted. “At least not in purpose.”
And that was a done deal. Jisoo was highly sure that she wouldn’t have any sleep tonight.
*