"Calm down," I sobbed.
It was early in the morning at 8 o'clock that my Mum call came through. She had been wailing and narrating the whole story to me. I felt the agony ringing in my ears. It was accusing. I was the betrayer. I was the ungrateful child they adopted in the orphanage. Damn, I was the cause of their sorrow. Who could have thought I would be a misfortune for them? A wretch. A sorrow to their life. When all I wanted was to put an end to it.
"He's in the morgue. We called the police immediately as the assassins left. Sarah had been contacted."
"Is grannie aware?" I dreaded her response.
"Not yet."
"Oh, okay. I loved him, Mum."
"I do too. I loved him. But not just as much as I did before."
"By the way, what are you doing at home? You could have been killed. Why did you leave Gideon's place?"
"I had to be at home, honey. But I'm going back. I don't want to stay here and I don't want to stay long at Gideon's either."
"It's fine. I'll get you a house soon. Go to Gideon's house for a while for Bayo and Busola's sake. I'm scared of their mental health, Mum."
"I'm sorry. I have been a fool all these days. He didn't want me, but I still wanted him, hoping he would change. I should have left a long time ago for your guys' sake. I'm a fool." She cried louder.
"I'm glad you see it now. Go back to Gideon's and apologise. He is trying to help you, you know?"
"Yeah, I do. I appreciate all your efforts, darling."
I sighed. If only she knew, she wouldn't appreciate any of my help. Not even my genuine love for her. I made her a widow.
"I gotta go, Mum. I love you." I hung up and brushed away my tears.
I got out of my room and headed to the meeting room. Henry was behind the table doing something.
"Henry, may I speak with you?"
"Sure. Have your seat."
"No, I'm good." I declined. My heart was heavy and I hated myself. Who was I?
"I heard you killed the man instead of hurting him. I thought you were scared to do that, so I decided you should injure him."
"Yeah," I didn't know what to say. If I let out my anger concerning the foolish assignment that got me to kill my adopted father, Henry was going to suspect something. But wait, it wasn't his fault. It was partially mine. If I had spoken up about my family's background and obstacles, Mr Johnson would have been in jail and not dead. Better a father living in jail than dead for my siblings, including Jonathan. If I had spoken before maybe the assignment wouldn't have been carried out. Maybe Henry would have stopped the mission, scolded me and had my adopted father jailed.
Henry stared at me the more. "I had to do what I think was necessary."
"Okay..."
"Do you by chance know who sent the assignment?"
"A woman. I didn't see her. Just a call. Any problem?"
"No." Was it Loveline or my mother? "Has Mustapha spoken up?"
"No. He is good at being loyal even after the dismissal of the group."
"What about Joe's phone?"
"It hasn't turned on. In my room."
"Okay, I will be out."
"Wait, are you fine? You seem different."
"I am," I replied and left.
As I got back to my room, Jeremy's call came through. I didn't want to pick it up but I had to. "Hey."
"Hey, I didn't get to talk to you yesterday, is everything okay?"
"Yes," I ran my hand through my head while pacing around.
"You sound different. Is everything alright?"
"I'm fine!" I snapped. Everyone will be asking me if I was fine as if they could solve my problem by changing back the hands of time. Because sincerely that was the only way I could feel different. Say the truth and better have my adopted father in jail.
"Okay, okay. Umm... I think you are secretive. You act weird one minute, and next, you act like the girl I met at the club. You confuse me at times."
"Jeremy this is not the time to complain!" I was being mean and unfair to him.
"If you want to talk about what's wrong with you, you can come over, I'm currently at home. I took a break from work."
The idea was great, so I agreed to meet him at this pace in the next one hour.
I changed after taking my bath and dressed casually like I always did. I wasn't in the mood to impress any boyfriend.
When I got to Jeremy's house he welcomed me in and was seriously cautious not to provoke me. He sat me down, his hands in mine. He gazed into my eyes and I felt he saw into my heavy and ungrateful soul. He was probably seeing the bad side of me.
"Do you talk about it?"
I shook my head. It felt so heavy that I knew talking about it was the solution to set me free. I suddenly embraced him and he embraced me back, his hands running up and down my back. It was the kind of comfort I needed at that moment. I was glad I met him.
I couldn't say a word but shed tears that didn't stop coming. I felt guilty and ashamed. I felt worthless of my mother's love, my siblings' hugs and most of all, a good man like Jeremy.
I pulled away, grabbed his face and did the unthinkable. I kissed Jeremy. Gently, then roughly.
Jeremy returned it tenfold. With passion and vigour. One thing I forgot at once was pain, guilt and the betrayal I caused. I only relish the passion in the presence of the love of my life, Jeremy.
I pulled up on him and sat on his laps as my legs curled behind him. My top was thrown away without a care, leaving me with a bra. Jeremy kissed me all over like he always did. We were lost in the moment that I forgot everything else.
He unhooked my bra and was about to nuzzle my breasts but he stopped. Oh, come on! Not again!
"What again?" I was a little pissed off.
"I don't..."
"Let's have sex. I'm giving you my words."
"I don't want to have sex with you when you are unhappy, Tosin. I want to make love with you when you are happy or want to. I want you to deal with this pain while you're sober. I don't want you to deal with every pain with sex. Sex shouldn't be the only cure. You deserve better. Heal when you are sad and reasonable, not just with sex."
Tears streamed down my eyes and I fell in love ten times with this man in my presence.
"I love you," I sobbed. I didn't get rejected. I got accepted and I felt it more.
"I love you more, Tosin." That was the first time he was ever going to confess that he loved me aside from showing it to me. Jeremy wiped my tears and planted a kiss on my nose before he engulfed me in a big heartfelt hug.
Jeremy rocked me and sang me a song along to make me feel better and I truly did. I picked up my top that I had nonchalantly thrown on the table and wore it, ignoring my bra on the couch.
Jeremy began to tell me jokes that either cracked me up or made me grin so hard that it hurt and I must admit, it felt better than having quick sex to cure my bad mood. I knew I would still go back to thinking about them but at this moment, I would enjoy the absence of the pain and cherish this moment with Jeremy Jude. Yeah, that was his surname. I stared into his eyes and saw how lovely they were again.
Damn, God really took his time creating this handsome man for me.
Thank you.
I couldn't have wished for a better boyfriend. This was enough. This was everything. I was glad I met him at the club. I owned Toyin that. She had dragged me down there despite my protest. But her reminder that I was single made me change my mind.
"Why won't you invite me over to pick you up?"
I snapped out of my reverie. "What?"
"You haven't invited me over."
"I will. Soon. Do you want to meet my Mum?"
"Not exactly. I just wish to at least pick you up for dates."
"You will, give me time."
Jeremy looked at me weirdly. "Sure, I will be patient, sweetheart. No rushing."
"Thank you for everything."
"No, thank you for loving me."
Jeremy kissed me briefly before he went back to hugging me.
Deep down, I thought, would I have felt this if I had paid attention to the bald man? Or would I have felt this if I had been rude to Jeremy?
No, definitely not. I wouldn't be feeling this joy radiating within me. I wouldn't if I had paid attention to the bald man that first approached me at the club and agreed to his invitation because I would have missed him or rather not noticed him at all.
I had thought he was going to be a playboy, but his manner of approach every time we met was that of friendship. A friendship seeking a relationship. But gradually.
Jeremy continued to sing me songs on songs as I rested on his chest, listening to his heart beat now and then until I drifted off to sleep.