Before we got back to Lagos the next day, Mrs Linda got me some dresses and my dad got me two turkeys and three big bunches of plantain. To me, it was the best gift ever. And when we arrived at Jeremy's house, our communication hadn't been more than three words. He was still pretty much mad at me. He didn't even give me a good morning kiss. I had thought he must be thinking if only the Gabriels family knew I killed my uncle, they wouldn't want to be with me or loved me but still, it was just a thought.
I'm so dying to know what he's thinking.
When I told him I was leaving for the mansion he had said I had better go and come back for full communication which gave me bubbles of excitement that I didn't show. He was ready to talk.
When I got to the mansion, I went into details and my besties were happy for me, but I knew better than to tell them I confessed to Jeremy or else, Jeremy was already gone by the end of the day. By night Henry was in the meeting room arguing with Jasper in whispering voices that I could barely hear. When they saw me come in, Jasper was the first to hug me, asking me if I was fine and if Jeremy didn't hurt me.
"He said he doesn't like you."
"Why? Because I protect you too much?"
"No, because... I have no idea, but I think it's because of how blunt you are with your words."
"Ahh," Jasper laughed so hard. "I still have to see him. Fix a date."
"Maybe later in the future." I mean I didn't know if I was going to be single soon.
Jasper looked at me seriously with emotion that I couldn't fathom. Was it with sadness or just with a cryptically look. "I love you, you know?" He hugged me.
"You better start dating her too," Henry said and I ignored him.
"I sure do." I hugged Jasper back. Something was strange in the way he hugged me. It was as if he was... I couldn't point a finger at it.
"Now that you are back, do me a favour and apologise to Toyin on my behalf. She hasn't forgiven me."
I knocked his forehead playfully. The hug was for me to beg his girlfriend. He wanted me to pity him with the look he gave me earlier? "You deserve it."
"Come on, she didn't sleep with me last night. She was with Bisola. And Bisola closed the door on my face while I was begging.
I shrugged and his puppy look finally won me over. "Fine, I will talk to her."
"Thanks, I know you are a darling." Jasper blew me a kiss and left with a smile.
"What can I help you with?" Henry's voice called my attention back.
"Umm... Huh... I wanted to ask for a month's break." It was high time I needed a break for my mental health and my relationship if that was going to last by the way.
"What for?"
"Relaxation. I need it for my mental health."
"Okay, alright. Is there something you want to talk about? Maybe all you need is to talk things out and you will be fine."
Talk things out? Should I tell him I told someone else about this group? About Jeremy? No! Jeremy would be dead before I know it. "No, nothing."
"Okay, a month's break then. You can always come during an emergency."
"No. Won't be happening. It's just a four weeks break, Henry. I need it for my life." To save my relationship.
"Okay, you can have it. Without interruption."
"Thank you," I replied with a smile.
I packed my stuff and headed for Jeremy's house. He must have thought I was crazy to have my things here when I still didn't know where I stood in his life but I just gotta save my relationship. If we broke up, trust me, I wouldn't try another relationship again.
Jeremy got home past eight at night, mildly drunk and wouldn't even let me get close to him or kiss him or hug him.
"What is it? I thought you wanted me over to talk things through?"
"Yes, to talk, not kiss or hug."
I understood he was angry. "Where were you?"
"Work. Remember that cloth I went to get when you didn't meet me at home before we left for Ibadan?"
"Yes?"
"I was working on it."
"Okay, and you are drunk." A part of me thought he must have met a girl at a club or so.
"Yeah, I'm drunk in love with a gangster. It's funny. I should hand you over to the police but I can't because... Damn, I love you badly."
I moved closer to touch him but he slapped my hand away. "I still love you doesn't mean I'm not angry at you," he said and left for the room.
__________________
For the four weeks that I had been staying with Jeremy, we fought, argued and cried all because I told him who I was. It was like I lost my value in his sight. Jeremy at times could be sweet that he forgot I ever told him what I was into and then just out of the blue, he would be peevish, angry at himself, not me least that was what he told me but I didn't believe it.
The first time we finally got to talk about it, it was a serious fight that had no conclusion. I wanted to be with him, he wanted to be with a woman that was an artist, not a gangster. He had given me so many options that I never agreed to.
First, he said I should quit and I told him rule number eleven. He was shocked and then asked if we truly had rules and I was like, "Yeah, of course, you can't be in such a group without having rules to follow."
Secondly, he said I should run away with him and I told him my besties knew his house and would come for him and Jasper wouldn't take it easy with him.
Thirdly, he asked if I would hand myself over to the police and he promised to wait for me. In return, I only said one word, "No." So adamantly that he didn't try to convince me.
So the conclusion was that I would do something about it soon. And since then, our argument decreased but I could feel he was distancing himself away from me little by little. One week turned into two, two into three and three into a month. During those months, I got to know him more. I took him to see my Mum and my cousins didn't hesitate to show they liked him. I invited him to the cemetery to see my uncle Johnson, my biological mother, Sarah and most importantly, granny. On a few occasions, when I visited them, I began to feel the pain they caused me less and less which I must say was relieving in a way.
Jeremy at times took me to his place of work and most of the time, he did nothing but spent time with me. We made love at night and in the morning, joked, teased, shopped together, went on dates and did chores together. They were all amazing moments that I cherished every single second we spent together. It was something I didn't want to end. Something that always felt like forever until something reminded me of Henry and his rules!
Being with Jeremy made me feel like a woman, a woman craving to be a mother and a woman that wanted a family of her own but all these were things I couldn't achieve by being a gangster. We might not be caught today but we could be wanted any time any day. And I was going to lose Jeremy to another woman.
I knew he loved me as he said. He meant it and I could feel it. I could see it in his honey eyes. I could see it in the way he cared for me. I could feel it when we made love but with all that, I was sure they weren't going to guarantee his waiting for me if I ever went to jail.
I was two women in one body.
I could be loving, playful teasing, compassionate and free-spirited. A woman with a faithful partner; foreseeing a future with a family. And I could also be a cruel woman, bold, sassy, a murderer, a gangster, a street fighter, a lier to the members, a lier to her family and everything but all that could only be done when I was behind a mask.
Was that what I wanted? I had asked myself in the room many times when Jeremy was away for work and I was home alone. Being behind a mask wouldn't guarantee me a happy life with the partner I loved, but would always put me in a situation of life and death.
Jeremy had cried to me one day when we had fought, saying he wished I never told him what I was into and how he wished it was all a dream. It broke me though but then my brain couldn't process what reasonable conclusions I had to make up till now. The decision to choose the former woman or the latter was a difficult task for me and it was killing me.
I shut the door of Jeremy's house with my bags by my side before I dropped the key into my handbag. It was time to move back into the mansion. One month was completed and I had to go back to work. I tipped the security man and drove away.