"Congratulations, ma'am, you are one month and eight days pregnant," the doctor in a white coat told me with a huge smile.
"What?" Vicky and I said in unison.
So I woke up after I passed out for some weird reason and when I asked the doctor what happened he said he had carried out a test and would let me know when the result was out. But pregnancy was not what I was expecting. How come?
"I will take my leave then. Make sure you rest and take care of yourself. Congratulations again," the doctors smiled and left.
What was there to congratulate me about? How did it happen? Jesus, this couldn't be true! My head hurts all of a sudden and I massaged my forehead and temples. "Ah."
"You look shocked. And I don't think you are happy with the news. How come you are pregnant and you didn't tell me?"
Vicky sounded mildly angry. I looked at her and said, "I didn't know. And I didn't come here just to give birth here, in case you are thinking that."
"What do you mean you didn't know?"
"Let's just go home, please."
Vicky signed and managed to stand up. "Alright then. Beatrice, help her." Vicky gestured to her maid.
The drive home was silent and to be honest, I was grateful for it. I had the time to think. How could I be pregnant for a month without knowing or sensing it? There was no sign whatsoever and I still had my menstruation. And yeah, who was the father if not Jeremy? I had never slept with any other man except him. But how I became pregnant was confusing. Henry and I had sex with protection all the time... Except for one day.
The night he was drunk. It was the night we got back to Lagos the next day and it was that same night we made love. I was sad and just wanted him and he was still drunk to think of using protection. It was the only night I had unprotected sex. That night was the night I conceived in his apartment.
Though we argued, we still made love. I was the one in love and used, so what was the point of having the baby? I didn't think I wanted to raise a child as a mother with a gangster history. A history that was still fresh. I didn't want a baby having a father as a gangster either.
This pregnancy came unexpectedly at the wrong time. Why would I want a baby when I was still going through hard times here? When I hadn't even found a place to settle down. When I still have a process to take to be here legally. Everything was just going to be on Vicky's shoulders and I didn't want that. And most importantly, how was I going to take care of a new baby when I didn't even have an idea of how to wear a baby's diaper? Oh God, I missed my Mum. Tears pricked my eyes as I badly wished she was here with me.
Vicky pulled up in front of her house and we got down. We made our way in and soon she told Beatrice to take the day off.
"Why did you send her off, it's not yet time," I said.
"You and I need to have a serious conversation now," Vicky said sternly and sat down.
"What? Look, I appreciate what you have been doing, Vicky but please... "
"Toyin called me while you were at the hospital. All she could do was sob and hang up. I think she needs someone to talk to, don't you think you should call her?"
I sat next to Vicky and faced her. "Promise me you wouldn't tell her I'm here. At your place."
"Why? I don't see the big deal. Is she not your best friend?"
I sighed. I wished this wasn't happening. Couldn't she just pretend like nothing was happening?
"Talk to me. Is there something you want me to know? One of the nurses said she heard you crying after you were awake."
"I was just being... "
"Being what? You didn't bother to call your mum you've gotten here. Doesn't she know you are here?"
Vicky didn't even know I found out who my biological mum was. She wasn't going to be as shocked as Toyin and Bisola because she didn't know Sarah. There was a lot I didn't tell her. Where was I going to start from?
"You better start talking from somewhere. I want to know every bit of you. You didn't even request us to sleep over in your house as Bisola and Toyin did. You never invited me to your house and even when I suggested it, you turned me down, telling me lame excuses I chose to accept. Start talking, I want to know it all now."
Tears dropped from my eyes.
"Tell me, I want to know everything you've been through because I know you've been through a lot I have no clue of." She wiped my tears away, "Tell me."
The way she was gently telling me to tell her was giving me the urge to spill my guts and so badly I wanted to. I wanted someone to share the story of my life with because keeping it all alone was killing me. There was no Toyin nor Bisola to talk with.
"I'm a gangster," I said, unbelievable to my hearing as I expected an outburst from Victoria. "I was."
Victoria only looked at me with no word, then she only bobbed her head, "Okay?"
Maybe this reaction was the best for me to continue 'cause Vicky didn't freak out. And where was I to start?
I cleared my throat unnecessarily, swallowed and sighed. Then I began my tale. I started from where I confessed to being a gangster, then proceeded to what being a gangster was like. From there, I told her about my fake relationship with Henry when I had thought it was real. From there again, I told her how I told Henry about my past as a teenager and then proceeded back to my life as a gangster. The assignments, the missions, the investigations, the deaths and the killing of my uncle. The Joe issue, the battlefield and the cause of Bisola's death.
Saying it all brought hot tears to my eyes again. Vicky only stared at me and only interrupted when she got confused somewhere and aside from that, she gave me her rapt attention.
When I was done, I was already hugging my legs together as I rested my chin on them. Vicky on the other hand just gazed at me after all I had said. There was no fear in her eyes. Her reaction surprised me, and I must say, I was grateful for it.
"How do you feel?"
"I feel free." I snorted. "Please, don't tell anyone what I just told you."
"I won't. I cross my heart," Vicky said and I remembered how we used to say that to each other.
Vicky started sobbing to my amazement, shaking her head sideways. "I can't believe she's dead."
"Come on, Vicky. Don't stress yourself."
"I still love her, she was amazing. She..."
"She was strong, I know."
"I still can't believe you all are into such a thing. Jesus! How did that happen? I had always thought you three were doing okay. And that you just didn't want me anymore."
"That's not true. We always remember you."
"Then why didn't you call often? I always used to do that."
"We are sorry. Trust me it was because I didn't want you to know. Did I mention Seun and I are now friends? The same Seun that bullied me."
"You are joking."
"No. We even danced together."
"No way. "
"Yes, way. He apologised and I forgive him on your behalf."
"Who could have thought!"
"Abbey too. The guy that called you a drumstick. I hit his face for you when he unmasked his face."
"Abbey? You mean my former neighbour?"
"Yeah, that one. I hit his face for you. I told him that was for Vicky. He got mad and I wished you had seen that."
Vicky grinned. "That was thoughtful of you. But you know I'm not happy you were into such a thing."
"Circumstances made me make such a decision, Vicky. I wished I hadn't. There were times I wished I didn't make such a decision. It's hard for me too."
"Do you want to be free?"
"Of course, but that will take time."
"With God, you will be free, because right now every thought of you is holding you captive and you are hating on yourself."
"You don't understand. They are probably still looking for me. I ran away! They can find me and kill me."
"But Jeremy loves you! He wouldn't!"
"Henry is the boss. He gave out the rules. He's so strict and I can't predict him!"
"But he was Jeremy to you! You said he loves you."
"I broke the rules, they know I'm not dead. I left my phone. They know I ran away. I'm scared."
"I don't know what to say, but what I can tell you is that with God all is possible. You will feel free of this burden. He will accept you."
"Oh, yeah? I'm a murderer!" I sternly whispered. "I don't think I can know peace anymore."
"You are punishing yourself. You feel bad. Go to God with feelings and tell Him how remorseful you are. He's willing to accept you regardless of everything you have done. All you have to do is confess to him."
"So you're saying I have to confess to a pastor before I can be free of my guilt? I'm a bad person! I didn't wait to run away with Toyin, she has been good to me since I met her."
"If God was so mad at you, He wouldn't have given you a chance to be pregnant. Don't you want a baby?"
I glared at Victoria. She was a born-again Christian but that didn't mean she should be daft. "A baby? Of course! I want one and would want one but this is a bad time. It's like a punishment! I don't want my baby asking who his or her father is. I don't want my baby to have a gangster as a parent! Henry established that Scorpion Group and you think he will let go of it like it's nothing to him? No, I don't think so. I don't love him. All I feel for him is hatred. You have to think right, Vicky."
"Even when he was Jeremy to you?"
"Yes!" I snapped. Ok maybe I still want that Jeremy part, but why long for something dangerous?
Vicky sighed. "Let's take it one step at a time, okay? You have to accept God."
"You are preaching," I said. When did Vicky become a born-again Christian? I have missed a lot.
"Yes, I am."
I had never been so religious. Neither was my family. We were just Christian, but not Christ-like. That was the religion we were identified as. We weren't brought up as one, and where was I to start from?
"You only have to start by believing and acknowledging Jesus Christ. Believe He can save you. That's what Matthew 11: 28 versus 29 says. Jesus was giving us the invitation. It's a priceless invitation to your freedom and acceptance of a new you. What do you say?"
"Thank you Vicky for everything," I said with gratitude in my heart because, despite the horrible story of my life, she was still there. And now, the only thing I just had to do was to abort this baby. No capping. I can't bear to see my baby and be seeing Henry or start recalling how he was Jeremy to me. Abortion was the next thing.