"You have a visitor," Bayo said behind me as I curled up in bed with a tissue packet.
"I don't want to see anyone say I'm not home."
I'm afraid that's not possible, he is in the room.
"Who?" I frowned as I turned. "Jasper?"
All the anger and mixed feelings that had finally calmed down a minute ago came rushing back at the sight of Jasper. Who did you think he was to come here unannounced? "What are you doing here?"
"Tosin..."
"Get your ass out."
"I will leave you two," Bayo said and left.
"I came here to talk and knock some senses into your stubborn head." Jasper came forward and sat on the bed.
"I don't remember asking you any of that. But before you relax completely, I want you to get up and use the door."
"You don't want to talk to me for now?"
"I want to talk to you at all."
"You look like shit"
"Get out!" I stood up to drag him out myself if he wasn't going to.
"Are you serious right now?" He grinned at my lousy attempt of pulling him up.
“You think this is funny? You think I'm smiling with you? If you can't leave, then I will." I told but he quickly grabbed my hand. His blue eyes looked into mine and I fell in love with them again. Gazing at him reminded me of how we started. How flirtatious he was and how encouraging he was to me when we first met. It felt just like yesterday and just in the blink of an eye it was gone. Every present situation seemed to have taken charge of what happiness or fun we had shared and replaced it as if it never existed. How did it happen this way?
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry? I thought you loved me, Jasper! I thought you cared. I thought we were buddies!" I rapidly brush away the drops of tears finding their way out. I felt betrayed.
"I'm sorry, I take the blame. I fought Henry when I found out. I wanted to tell you but I still could not. I badly wanted you to know, but you were so exuberant about your relationship with him that I didn't want to ruin it."
"Isn't it now more than ruined?"
"I'm sorry. I was supposed to be the smart one between the two lovebirds. If I had told you, it would have crushed your heart and Henry's hope. His relationship with you was the third time he ever tried dating. Before this whole gangster thing, he was in a toxic relationship. He felt used, humiliated, scammed and all that. He never thought he was going to love again as I did after many breakups. I could still take it and let go, but Henry could not let go on time. He thought dating you as Henry was going to be awkward and he wouldn't know if you were going to like him for him or just because of what he has. So he figured dating you as Jeremy was the best way."
"And telling me the truth was never his plan."
"After he found out, he was going to tell you until you opened your mouth and told him you were a gangster. Henry was going to kick you out of the group or something. He was still figuring it out."
I was speechless that I only looked around but Jasper.
“And you weren't honest with me either. I thought you were buddies. You lied about going to Ibadan to do something when you were actually going to see your father. You never shared any story about your background but I did tell you about mine. And I'm sorry about your uncle," Jasper whispered. We pretty much lowered our voices where it was necessary.
"I'm sorry. I was being extra careful and trying to keep my family background secret."
"I get you. It's fine. Am I forgiven?" Jasper winked at me and gave me a heartwarming puppy face look.
I hitched up the corner of my mouth before a smile gradually spread on my face. My resentment towards him slipped away and love came through. I walked towards him and quickly tousled his blonde hair before he hit my hand away.
He grabbed me into a bear embrace and I acknowledged how much I missed him. I sighed happily.
"One more thing though."
I snapped my eyes open. "What?"
"Our flight is tomorrow."
"What?" I pushed him away.
"Yes. I'm sure Henry told you."
"Yes."
"What will you do?"
"I don't know." I immediately felt sad again. "I need a favour."
"What's that?"
"Take me to the cemetery where Bisola is buried. I haven't visited her. I'm ashamed."
"It's fine. I'll take you there. Visit her and let go of the shame."
_________________
We finally arrived at the cemetery about ten minutes drive away from my house. As Jasper led the way, I gazed around, wondering what caused the death of those dead people. Lots of untold stories had been buried four feet below. How sad.
"Are there some members buried aside from Bisola and Joe?"
"Yes, just a few people."
The bird above tweeted and I shaded my eyes just to glimpse at the bird. The sky was clear blue and the atmosphere was warm.
"Bisola got what you wanted."
"As if she was going to get married in Heaven with Joe. She used to go for what she wanted."
I snorted and imagined Joe in suits, waiting for years at the altar, waiting for Bisola to walk down the aisle in a white gown.
"I miss her."
"I do too, Jasper." I smiled.
"And what are you doing here?" Toyin squinted her eyes at me. Her voice was audible and challenging.
"And here we are," Jasper said.
I looked at him and I must say, he completely forgot I was beside him. All his attention was on Toyin. I didn't know how far their relationship was now, but I knew it was as bad as mine.
Toyin was in dark leather clothes and a hat. A body frame and added some tons of weight compared to the last time I saw her. She looked a little better, still pretty, but I knew with that look of hers, that she still got something going on for her.
"Hi, Toyin..." I was saying.
"Keep your greetings to yourself. Why did you bring her here? She has no right to be here! For what purpose?"
"Toyin, don't be harsh on her."
“Oh, so you are screwing each other now?"
I nearly gagged and Jasper gawked.
"Toyin, that's not nice to say." I found my voice.
"And who are you to tell me what's nice to do or not?"
Why was she being so hard?
"I know from the start you two like each other, so I shouldn't be surprised if you start seeing each other."
She was losing it.
"Toyin..."
"I don't want to hear any filthy words from your mouth, you cannot be forgiven."
I felt something drop in my heart. My heart ached and broke. How was I supposed to get her to forgive me? If only it was possible to turn back the hands of time. But that wasn't possible.
"I cannot continue to condone your attitude,” Jasper said and held my hand, "she is my woman now, satisfied?"
I blankly stared at Jasper who didn't even meet my eyes just to quickly pass a message that he was joking, instead, he was looking straight at Toyin.
"Jasper?" I whispered.
Toyin sniffed and looked sideways. I couldn't even read her expression.
“You think you can push everyone away because of how you are feeling? Well, we've got feelings too in case you forgot!"
"You are on her side..."
"I'm on nobody's side. I just want to be there for everyone."
"It's fine, Jasper, let me do what I'm here for."
I walk to the grave and read the epitaph engraved on the tombstone. Live. Love. Laugh. I sat down and placed a hyacinth flower beside Toyin's carnation flowers. "Please, accept it."
The epitaph conveyed exactly how Bisola had lived her life. She had lived each day thinking tomorrow might not come. Loved because it was second nature to her and laughed when she meant it. Plus her laughter had always been contagious.
I stared for a while, finding it hard to express my emotions through words. "I'm sorry."
Toyin scoffed but I ignored her. For now, I was going to pay my full attention to Bisola.
“I don't know how much my words can unveil how I feel, but I want you to know that I really do wish you were here. I'm sorry for being a jerk, a coward and a lot more."
"A bitch," Toyin cut in.
I really appreciate it all. For being there and strong for everyone, especially for yourself. I appreciate it. I'm glad your tomb is here beside Joe's. I'm glad someone saved this spot for you." I gazed at Joe's tombstone and the sentences were in capitals: NEVER DOUBT THAT A SMALL GROUP OF THOUGHTFUL COMMITTED CITIZENS CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. INDEED IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT EVER HAS.
That sunk in and I understood it. The small group he has gotten himself into was the same group he ever had close to a family. One way or the other being a gangster in the scorpion group had touched our lives. Both positively and negatively.
"And I have a baby, Bisola. I don't know the gender yet. Can you do me a favour, please? Please approach Toyin in her dream just to convince her to forgive me. I didn't do as you asked of me. I ran away, but I'm back. And I hope this made up for my wrongdoings. I love you."
After shedding tears, I finally got up with a heavy sigh and a closure to my agitation, frustration and emptiness. Faith was right, I needed to do this.
"Toyin, I'm really sorry."
"You say sorry like it's a medicine, a cure."
She didn't lash out or glare but spoke normally as she used to when she was being herself.
"Because it is. It's a magic word, it can change a lot. Just accept it to make a difference. I can't lose you too."
Toyin swallowed and looked away. "How is the baby? I'm sorry. Stress and baby don't get along. I was worried you were affected."
I smirked happily. I knew she still had goodness in her. "I just feel stressed a lot. Nothing is wrong with the baby."
"Go to the hospital to confirm. You had a field fight," Jasper said.
"Now you are playing the husband role in her life?" Toyin eyed Jasper who rolled his eyes upwards and ignored her.
"Why I didn't have a miscarriage or any complications is still baffling me."
"And I hurt you," Toyin gazed at my baby bump.
"Go to the hospital," Toyin said.
"Sure I would, but first am I forgiven?"
Toyin hesitated and shook her head as she began crying. "You are with Jasper!"
"No!" Jasper and I said together.
"We aren't." Jasper loved the fact that he fooled her.
Toyin hesitated at first then hugged me. "I missed you and I hate you."
"You love me, that is the right word." Hugging her back in return, I recalled our memories together with a happy heart.
"Can I take it from here, please?" Jasper interrupted.
"Sure," I smiled and hurriedly wiped my tears away with my thumb.
This was getting better. Two more to go. Henry and Vicky.