"'M so happy, Cai." Asher mumbled sleepily.
Cailen smiled down at him eventhough his eyes were shut. It just made him happy to hear Asher was happy, especially in the current situation.
“I was so anxious that you might’ve noticed and call me clingy, but I can’t stop myself.” Cailen remembered the conversation that he heard between Asher and William.
So it was about that, he thought.
But Cailen's smile fell when he realized the implication of what Asher said and when he continued, his words mumbled and trailing off as he fell asleep.
"I can't wait to tell the boys." Was what he said right before he fell asleep.
Cailen froze in his spot, his eyes going wide as he stared down at a sleeping Asher.
Tell the boys? Did William know? They couldn't tell the boys, they couldn't tell anyone. That couldn't happen. That- This couldn't happen. What was he thinking?
He obviously wasn't thinking, he never did around Asher.
They couldn't do this. They couldn't take this anywhere. They'd never be able to hide it from them and apparently, Asher didn't plan on hiding it from anyone.
He was obviously going to tell them, he said so himself, and then they'd know Cailen was gay.
What had he done?
He just threw away his life.
With one little kiss, he just ruined his whole life.
He would lose everyone he cared about; William, Stella, Eden and Dean. He would lose Matthew, Noah and Ash-
But he wouldn't lose Asher.
Asher was in the same boat as him, wasn't he?
They'd be doing it together. They'd be in it together, right?
When everyone pushed them away, they would still have each other.
It made the thought more bearable but it wasn't enough.
His whole life, he's wanted nothing more than a family that loved him and he couldn't just throw that away because of some silly feeling that could easily be ignored.
At least he thought they'd be easily ignored... hoped.
Cailen started to panic. He couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't sit here any longer. He needed to move, he needed to get away.
He needed to go somewhere, anywhere but here.
He couldn't be by Asher. He had to be alone.
He needed to think.
Cailen gently pulled back the covers, his slow movements contradicting his racing heart. When the covers were back, resting on Asher, he swung his legs out, slowly twisting out of Asher's hold on him and slipping out of the bed.
When he turned around again to pull the covers back up properly, he made the mistake of looking down at Asher again.
Asher was sleeping soundly, his arms loosely fallen against the bed now that Cailen wasn't there. He looked so peaceful, so calm and content.
Cailen really wanted to climb back into bed but then Asher's words were shooting through his mind and he was bending down, pulling the covers up to his chin and lightly kissing his cheek.
Cailen moved quickly through the room, grabbing a backpack and shoving some clothes into it.
He didn't really realize what he was even doing until he had a bag stuffed with clothes, his jumper pulled over his head and his wallet stuffed into his pocket.
He was leaving. He had to.
It was leave now and spare himself the humiliation or be kicked out in the morning when Asher told everyone what had happened between them.
He might as well do everyone a favor, spare the awkwardness and just leave tonight without anyone knowing until it was too late.
Cailen took one last glance around the room to see if he missed anything. Of course a lot of his stuff was still there, he couldn't fit his whole room in his backpack.
He didn't really spot anything until his eyes landed on his desk where there was a picture frame- one of those ones with multiple frames in one.
He knew he couldn't take the whole thing but he did make his way over, flipping the frame over and removed the pictures from it.
Before slipping them into his bag, he looked them over- there being three of them.
The first one was of William, Asher, Matthew and himself, all huddled together in front of a park they used to hang out at. They were all smiling at the camera, himself giving Asher bunny ears and he remembers taking that photo.
He remembers Asher grumbling when he saw what he had done and he remembers William joking about how when someone did that, it meant they wanted to kiss you.
He also remembers, now that he thought about it, Asher going incredibly red and wondered how he had missed it all this time.
The next one was of Eden, Dean, him, and what he believes was Stella's foot, sitting around the Christmas tree when he has just turned fourteen.
William was taking the picture, which explains its sloppy angle and Stella being cut out of it but it was still one of his favorites.
That year was his first ever Christmas with his first real family.
He remembers being so surprised that they all got him a gift; Eden giving him his first iPod, Dean a PlayStation and William and Stella each gave him a game for the PlayStation though he knows Dean and Eden actually bought them.
He remembers being happy about the gifts but he remembers being even happier that he had a family because really, that was the best gift of all.
The last one was of William, Stella and him when he was sixteen.
They were stood in front of the house- Stella and William in front with him behind them, holding up Stella's long hair in attempt to cover his own face. You could see the goofy look on his face so he obviously didn't do a very good job.
William was caught with his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his laugh like he often did back then because he was a little insecure about it and Stella was caught mid- eye-roll, making it look like she was possessed or something.
He remembers Eden telling them to cut it out because she just wanted a nice picture of the three of them. And she did get it, eventually.
Cailen wasn't even aware he was crying until he saw a tear drop falling onto the last picture, blurring William's face.
Cailen sniffled, taking a deep breath as he wiped at his wet cheeks, willing the tears away as he wiped at the picture with his sleeve.
He slipped the pictures into his bag carefully, then threw it over his shoulder and left the room, sparing Asher one last glance before quietly closing the door.
Cailen made his way down the stairs, his blurry eyes making it difficult to see. But he didn't need to see to maneuver his way around this house. He knew it well enough to walk around here with a blindfold and that just had more tears spilling from his eyes.
He would never be able to come back here, he wouldn't be welcome in his home again. He has so many memories here and his last one will be of him leaving in the middle of the night.
When Cailen left the house, he didn't look back.
He couldn't.