Cailen was pulled into both the room and William's arms.
William held him close, bent over slightly, allowing Cailen to fit his head over his shoulder to see Asher sitting on his bed looking at the floor. Noah was standing beside the bed with his eyes on Cailen. Matthew was standing at the end of the bed, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes also directed at him.
"Why didn't you answer any of us?" William demanded, pulling away from Cailen to look at him.
"My phone died. I'm sorry." Cailen apologized, trying his best to ignore Noah's knowing stare and Matthew's blank stare. "I'm sorry."
"I- We thought you were- running and I didn't know what to do." William said quietly, somehow making himself look small even though he towered over Cailen.
William must be a bit torn between his best friend and his brother and Cailen felt like shit for putting him in that position.
"I-" Cailen began but his words dropped off into a sigh as he realized just how much in the wrong he was. "I was. I was running, okay?"
"He's your best friend and just because you find out he's gay, you just drop him like that?" Matthew was accusatory and he was justifiably entitled to.
"There's more to the story, Matt." Noah spoke quietly.
But Matthew continued, though this time, his voice sounded angry and resigned at the same time.
"When you're best friend tell you he loves you, you don't run. Not after everything you've been through. You don't fucking run and leave him. You talk it out. Do you know how upset he was, Cai? Do you know how worried we are of you?" Matthew was on a roll, his arm falling to his sides and hands clenching into fists.
An awkward silence fell over the room as no one was really sure what to say.
Cailen knew it was his turn to say something, to sort this all out but he couldn't make himself speak. He was still so afraid to tell them. It overpowered any will to confess and he hated it. He hated not being in control of himself and he hated that he obviously hurt Asher.
Asher looked absolutely broken. His shoulders were slumped, his head hung and he kept wiping at his nose as if it were running. He wouldn't look up at Cailen and that hurt but he supposed he deserved it.
He knew what this all looked like, what they all probably thought happened. They probably thought he ran because he couldn't accept Asher like this.
He really should explain himself.
"I'm sorry, Cailen." Asher spoke to the ground.
Cailen immediately wanted to say that he shouldn't be sorry about anything, but he didn't get the chance.
"I've been trying to tell you- I shouldn't have told you like that." Asher continued, shaking his head as if he were frustrated with himself. "I- I just don't understand. Maybe- Maybe I'm remembering wrong because I was drunk but- I thought everything was fine. I don't understand why you left."
Asher finally looked up at him now, the hurt obvious in his eyes and Cailen should really fucking say something but he couldn't.
He was so scared, he couldn't make himself speak and that brought tears of frustration to his eyes.
"Look," Noah spoke now, and taking a couple steps towards Cailen. "I don't know you as well as the boys, Cailen, but I'd like to think I know you well enough to know that last night was a misunderstanding, right? Because like Matthew said…" Noah put a bit of emphasis on these words, pausing to lock eyes with Cailen as if to convey a message.
Like Matthew said?
"Just because your best friend turns out to be gay, doesn't mean you bail. You stick around and you talk it out. You let them know that it's okay, that you still love them no matter what, right boys?" Noah was speaking clearly, never taking his eyes off Cailen and he suddenly got it.
He got what Noah was trying to point out. Matthew did say that. He hadn't thought much of it because he was sort of busy feeling miserable when Matthew did but he did say it.
They knew Asher was gay and they were still here by his side, defending him and loving him.
They still accepted him, so why wouldn't they accept Cailen?
William and Matthew looked a bit confused, probably figuring this point had already been stated and was now a bit redundant.
But they nodded their heads anyway and Cailen felt this sort of relief wash over him- more tears springing to his eyes as he laughed at himself.
The tears were spilling over but he was still laughing at himself because of how stupid he was, because of everything he went through for no reason, because even after all these years, he was still lumping this family with the rest of those horrible families.
He realized he probably looked a bit insane at the moment but he couldn't stop.
"What the fuck is he laughing at?" Matthew asked, obviously beginning to get really pissed.
William looked like he was getting there, but he still seemed torn between what to do or if he should do anything and Asher, well, Asher looked like Cailen had just slapped him.
Okay, it was definitely time to explain himself before Matthew decided to punch him out.
Cailen took a deep breath, wiping his face while looking between each boy before landing on Asher, because out of all of them, this affected him the most.
"Asher, I didn't leave because you told me you loved me." He said, unable to hide the smile that came with saying those words. He still couldn't really believe it.
"I left because you said you couldn't wait to tell the boys, and I- I wasn't ready for that. I panicked. I panicked and jumped to conclusion like an idiot and ran." Cailen explained, pausing to glance at Noah who was smiling at him, giving him an encouraging nod.
Cailen looked back to see Asher looking rather confused, though he didn't expect anything less. He took a deep breath before speaking again.
"I love you, Ash. I do, and you're not remembering wrong. I just wasn't ready to come out. I was afraid to tell everyone and I didn't think about anything besides the possibility of losing everyone and it scared me." Cailen glanced between William and Matthew, seeing the shock on both of their faces before glancing to the ground in shame.
He couldn't believe he was so stupid. He couldn't believe he wasted all this time living in secret, hiding and lying to his family and living miserably.
The only thing he could do was laugh at himself again, but this time, it sounded bitter and not very humorous as he shook his head at the ground before looking to the ceiling, blinking back more tears.
"You don't know how long I've been hiding that and you don't know how good it feels to tell you." Cailen sighed in relief, feeling the enormous weight on his shoulders lifting.
He didn't know what would happen now, he didn't know much of anything besides the fact that he felt like he could actually breathe again, that he didn't have to analyze his every move and tell lie after lie.
He didn't have to do any of that anymore and even though it just happened and the boys hadn't actually accepted it yet, it felt amazing.
"And I know what I did was a shitty thing, so Asher, I don't expect you to forgive me but I really hope that you do because I love you. I really do and I think I have for a while now, but I just wouldn't let myself see it before. I'm sorry." He finished, looking to Asher one last time before returning his gaze to the ground.
Another silence fell over the room.
Cailen's eyes remained on the ground because he had just poured his heart out. He had just laid everything out on the line and no one was saying anything. He could feel all of their eyes on him and he could imagine the shock written on all of their faces.
He really wished someone would say something, anything. He didn't care if it was completely unrelated, just something.
But Cailen didn't get what he wanted.