Greyson
"Grey... I... Ugh, think.. I'm gonna.." Was all she could say as she come, I collapsed on top of her but after my breathing was back to normal, I shifted and pulling out of her.
She smiled at me weakly and I did the same too.
I didn't know that I am going to be like this, just to forget her, but look I fucking did!
And I don't know what gotten me to used Maddi for my shit! Just to told Khryzel that I and Maddi have a thing now. Its kinda crazy to think that she doesn't even care, like 'Okay go ahead, so?' I know that she have a boyfriend that truly loves her but,.. I can't even stop thinking our kiss way back in my Parents house, like she even mean it!
Like she even likes me too!
Isn't impossible? Or am I just assuming shit?
Holy fuck! She's driving me nuts until now.
This is what I'm telling to myself before. That I'm terrified of pain that she will caused and too bad, I'm dealing with it right now.
Maddi was Chloe's friend, she's hella fine and I really feel guilty when I was his first, she gave up the most important thing that she had in her life just to pleased me and that's kinda crazy! I don't want to but she insisted so the shit happens. I even told her the path when we did this just like a relationship benefits thing?
Nothing would turn this into REAL.
But she's trying this hella relationship work, she's a girlfriend material I won't denied that.
But I just don't.
She always told me that she loves me but I don't. I don't feel the same.
Because I already love someone.
And I don't think I can love anyone else again, Khryzel was the one who puts me back on the wall, but also she's the one who can wreck me.
I already told Maddi that it's too impossible that I'm going to fall in love with her and many more harsh thing that I didn't even mean to say to hurt her feelings but I just needed to, and yup! I received a hard slapped from Maddi.
I think I fucking deserved that slap.
Its not my intention to hurt her. Its really not!
She even called me names that something I'm not, and it hurts me inside. I just tried to play it cool and stay unaffected but I'm hurting.
I went to my own apartment and just dragged myself onto my bed as I exhaled, I took my journal note book to my night stand and wrote a song again.
It's been a week since I rent an apartment, my own apartment to be exact.
Just me. Here. Alone.
It's too close and I'm going to finish my new EP. This album was really close to my heart because those songs are really connected in my life.
It took me 48 minutes to write another track and its called; Hit and Run
I smiled bitterly as I read the pre-chorus lyrics that I made.
Now I'm all alone and ain't got no one to call home baby, this is what I want an empty bed with my shit so crazy.
Its for Maddi.
She deserve someone better and that better is not literally me. I'm quite glad that she's moving forward to her life, while me stuck in the same position.
I start recording my song in LA; then went to the club after with Alex, Jason, and Will.
"Romance has really killed more people than cancer, okay look maybe not killed but dulled more lives, removed hope, and sold more medication and caused more tears." Jason said as he drank his vodka
"What did you mean? I'm not broken hearted dude, don't me!" I chuckle, Alex just look at me and shrug
"Let's just cheers to your upcoming single this week!" Jason said as he raise his glass for a cheers, this coming week I was going to released a new song of mine called Back On The Wall.
"Yeah you're right!" I said as I raised my glass too, to tryna changed the subject, they didn't know 'bout my shit but sadly Alex knew.
"Cheers everyone!" Jason said
"Cheers." I said as I drank my vodka.
We drink a couple of times and get wasted for this night.
Another months passed since the last time I saw Khryzel, I wonder if she's okay, if she's still with that tall blonde dude, is she's doing fine?
I'm so excited to see her, but is she feel the same? I'm so fucked up.
Valerie and I met in Boston; she told me about Khryzel and Khryzel only.
I'm happy that she's doing fine, but I didn't get any news about her being with that tall blonde dude named Cody, Valerie makes me even more curious about that, well she's making me eager to hear that from her mouth honestly.
"You like her right? Then why don't you guys just be together?!" She blurted out and I just chuckle of her reaction
"W-what do you mean?" I said shaking my head avoiding her gaze
"Come on Greyson! We're friends! You can trust me with that. You know?" She shrug as she placed her palm to her cheeks while looking at me
"I don't know what are you talking about." I said playing it cool, like I don't know what she's talking about.
She sighed deeply,
"Okay I'm not going to force you to say anything but... Did you know that Khryzel likes you? Are you aware of that? Well.. I think its not just LIKE I think its more than that, hmm what do you call it again" She said while emphasizing the like word as she acts like thinking something, I don't know but my heart beats awkwardly,
"Aha LOVE!! She loves you Grey, Khryzel loves you." I think my walls crumbled, I'm happy to hear that I'm not gonna lie but, I wish Khryzel would going to say that in front of me.
"Okay let's just say I like her but I think that's opposite, Val." I said
"She didn't even like me. Well okay let's just tell she likes me but love? Its impossible." I said as I comb my hair using my fingers and began continued talking
"She's happy with someone now Val, and I don't want to ruin that, because of my own shitty feelings. I'll just wish her happiness in life and if she's happy with that Cody dude well I'll be happy too even if it kills me, have you ever heard the quote that 'In the fork roads of life, no matter which way you choose, you'll end up where you're supposed to end up.' Maybe someday we'll meet again, when we're slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right there for her and she'll be right there for me, but right now I am chaos to her thoughts and she is a poison to my heart."
"I don't know why I'm saying this to you, maybe you got me when you said that she loves me but, thank you Val. My only advice to you is don't hope to much because it will leads on disappointment." I added as I stood up, I pay our bill and goes back to my hotel room.
I drag myself to the couch and opened my social media account on my phone, my heart beat fast when I saw Khryzel posted a photo.
I smiled bitterly, and liked her post.
I smile for the thought that sometimes missing someone doesn't mean that they have to be in your life.
I turned off my phone and I didn't know that I fall asleep.
Should I move or should I stay?