I woke up this morning feeling feverish and sickly. I guessed immediately that it was from the fight I had with my husband the previous day.
I got up from the bed, put on my flip-flops and walked to the fridge to get a glass of water, atleast to calm the headache till bit subsides.
After gulping three cups, I dropped it back and went back to the bed to lie down. After checking the time, I realized that it was past 8am, I almost screamed. I jumped off the bed and started running downstairs. It was Friday and the kids needed to be in school. I could easily find a way to skip work or ask my colleague to fill in for me, since it was Friday.
Getting downstairs, I saw Amanda in the dinning ro eating. As soon as she saw me, she got up and started walking towards me.
"Sis, are you okay? She asked, looking so worried.
"The kids, the kids." That was all I could utter or say to her.
She smiled calmly before replying. "Ohh, yeah. I drove them to school already. Don't worry about them. I took care of that, you should trust me on that by now."
"Oh my God, Amanda. I don't know how to thank you enough for your help. I really don't know what I'd do without you." I said, grabbing her and giving her a hot tight big hug.
"It's fine." She said and disengaged. "Are you alright? You don't look okay." She said, taking out a chair and making me sit, of which I did.
"To be honest Ammy, I don't feel okay. I am not okay, but I don't know how to say it to you. Maybe it's time I let someone know." I answered, facing downwards and avoiding eye contacts with her.
"Jess, I'm really sorry about what happened yesterday okay. I really don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. I don't want to judge thoroughly because my brother is involved. But, as a matter of fact, I really want you as my sister in-law. You are just the best sister in-law I could ever have."
That gave me chills and I couldn't help but let the tears drop slowly on my cheeks.
"Are you crying? Come on, please don't cry. I really don't want to cry either, not when I have a makeup on." She said, trying to cheer me up.
I got the joke though and calmed down. "Well, I wasn't shedding a tear out of anger, it's about what you said. It made me feel so important. My siblings have hardly told me that, atleast in a while." I answered her.
"I understand. I didn't say that to make you feel good though. I did so because it's real and it's true."
"Thanks Amanda, I know I might sound selfish, but I really don't know what I would do if you leave here finally. Because, I know you would, soon."
She laughed casually. "You will do better. You might not know what you're capable of till you get to that situation or meet that circumstance."
"You and nice quotes. Kudos to that, it was really touchy." I said, a bit sarcastic.
"Hahahaha. Of course, not when I have the best sister in-law." She answered, still laughing.
I stopped talking for a while and stared into pace. Something has been bothering me a long time. No one knows about it, not my parents, not my siblings, not Eddy, not Amanda and not even Sonia. I couldn't talk to her about it, not when she's going through her own tough problem. She needs someone. I think I need to go to her place today.
Amanda tapped me gently. "Jessica, what is wrong? You seem troubled."
"I am troubled. I am scared Amanda, about a lot of things. Yeah, I know I can't say that I'm the best mother or the best wife, but atleast, I know I try my best to do what I can do to make my husband and my kids happy. They are my world and I can't live without them."
She took her hands off mine and placed it on the table. By now, she had stopped eating completely. "Is this about, Eddy? She asked, like she was scared to mention the name.
I nodded positively and looked away, fighting the tears that was struggling to see the light of the atmosphere. I was lucky as it didn't fall out this time.
"I'm really sorry about the fight. But, what exactly happened between you two?
I paused slightly to recall the whole fight episode, then started talking. "Yesterday, I was in the sitting room, just here." I said pointing at the specific spot I was. "He was beside me and we were seeing a movie. After a while, he left and went to the room. Some minutes later, I noticed that something was vibrating. My phone is usually loud, so it definitely wasn't mine. I checked around and saw his phone. By that time, he was coming downstairs. Immediately he saw that I was with his phone, he ran towards me and grabbed it forcefully, but I had already seen it."
"Oh my! She gasped, not believing the story.
"Wait, I'm not done. I asked him to pick the call, but he refused, saying it wasn't important. Perhaps he thinks I'm a fool? I forced him to pick the call, but he refused so I couldn't take it. I pushed him and that was how the fight started." I ended, trying not to be bitter with myself and the whole thing.
"Unbelievable. Like, I thought Eddy was a nice guy. I'm really scared of my relationship right now." She said sounding so scared.
"Hey. Come on, you don't have to, okay. Don't let him stop you from finding love or sticking to it. You deserve great love sweetheart."
"Sis, you don't understand. I used to think that Eddy is the best husband and even pray to have a man like him who doesn't cheat. Now, this?
"Hey, listen to me, hey." I took her by the hand. "There are good guys out there okay. I know Eddy is a good guy, though I really don't know why he did that, but something inside of me still feels he's innocent. Maybe he just started it or was about it, I don't know. But I know he's not a cheat, so don't let that hinder you. Even if he becomes one, that doesn't mean there are no good guys out there." I encouraged and advised as a nice sister.
She nodded slowly, but I could feel that she wasn't convinced, but I had nothing else to say to her. It's all up to her to make a decision and stick to her choice.
I thought about spilling my own dirty secret. I was beginning to feel that I didn't have enough time to do what I felt I needed to do. My time was ticking and it might blow up soon if care isn't taken.
"What's bothering you Jess. You seem so distracted and I don't think it's about Eddy, is it? She asked like she was really bothered about me, which I knew she was.
I wasn't sure if it was okay to share with her. I needed someone to unburden it, but Sonia wasn't in the right state of mind, so that wasn't an option.
"Ammy, don't you have to go to work, or you'll be late for work." I said inorder to change the topic.
"I could call in sick and I think that's what I will do. I have some spare days to miss work for the month. You need to be with someone. I noticed Eddy didn't come last night, so I can as well assume that you both haven't settled your issues yet."
"Yeah, you're right."
"So, no work for me today then."
I smiled coolly when she said that. "Listen Amanda. There is something I need to tell you, but first, you must promise not to tell anyone about it till I tell you to. Can you do that for me? I asked expectantly.
She hesitated for a while, then looked at me as if to find answers. "As far as it doesn't have to do with you cheating as well." She answered seriously.
"No no, that's very far from it."
"Okay. I won't spill anything."
"Promise? I asked.
"Yes, I promise, no matter what." She accepted and I trusted her.
I paused for a while, a bit scared of what her reaction would be.
"I'm listening. What is it you want to tell me? She asked becoming curious.
"Amanda... I am, I am." I paused to catch my breath and continued again. "I'm dying, I don't have much time to live for long again. I have limited time."
She stared at me wide eyed in shock and disbelief, surprised that I made such comments and she couldn't say anything, she was speechless.
"Yes, Ammy. I have lungs cancer and it's the last stage."
"That's not possible. What about the hair, and, and..."
"It's fixed, artificial. I couldn't tell Eddy. I didn't have the balls to tell him. It's fast spreading and there's no way to stop it."
Amanda got up and left me at the table. I felt so bad and wished I kept me mouth shut. After a while, I heard sobs coming from her room. I heaved a deep sigh, but not of relief.