Amanda was no longer sobbing this time around, it had become so intense that it turned to deep cry and it troubled me so badly.
I felt so hurt and wondered why I bothered about telling her on the first place. I really didn't see that coming. I didn't say I was dying the next day, did I? I only said I had little time left, that could mean years, or maybe less though.
I thought of going to her room to settle things with her. I didn't expect to see her act that way, I thought she'd just accept it and move on.
I hit my head on the table and left it there for a while. I started feeling so bad when I thought about the whole thing. I got up from where I was sitting and went to her room. The earlier we settle the lingering issue, the better it would be for both of us.
I knocked twice on the door and waited for her to open the door. She stopped crying, but I didn't hear her the sound of her feet, to show that she was making effort to come open the door for me.
I knocked again, this time louder than the previous one. I had to blow on my finger to relieve me of the slight pain it gave me. I didn't get any answer or response from her. I turned the door knob and pushed, the door came open immediately.
I walked inside, shutting the door behind me. Amanda was sitting at the edge of the bed, far fr the door, her back on the wall and she was clutching a pillow.
She turned her face the other side when we made eye contact. Her eyes was sparkling bright red and I could see traces of tear drops on her face. She wasn't just crying, age was crying bitterly. The evidence of it was all over. I felt my heart ache as I took note of all these.
I walked to the bed and sat down, a bit far from her, but not too far. Enough to see her face and observe every reaction if hers.
I didn't know where to start from. Should I apologize for telling her my deep secret on the first place, or should I blame myself for not spilling it out on time? But, even if I did, she wouldn't have done anything to help. Naturally, no one wants to die, but when you are out in some kind of position, you might just have to accept your date like that.
I guess this is my fate. I can't fight it, I can only try to live the best off the few days left for me and live it to the fullest till I am satisfied. I want to do that with my family, I just wish Eddy would be back home by then.
"Amanda." I said slowly, still gathering words to say that would pacify her and stop her from crying more. "I am really sorry I brought that up on the first place. I thought that.."
Amanda started crying again. I was beginning to get pissed off by that. She was no longer a kid and old enough to take in such things without acting so weird.
"Amanda, stop it okay. It's gonna be okay, stop making me feel bad that I told you such a thing. What do you think will happen next time? I will just keep it to myself and take it to my grave. I guess that one would be much more better right? I said angrily.
She noticed that my countenance had changed and I was really annoyed with her. She calmed down and cleaned her face, sniffling hard as she did so.
"I know you are sad and that's why you are, you know acting this way. But then, every human will die someday. Mine is like this because it's more like I know when my time is, which is not totally true and not totally false at all. Anything could happen on the way."
Amanda nodded. I noticed she was fighting to hold back the cry. She was still sniffling and dabbing her eyes with the back of her palm.
"Jess, did you... Okay, I know it's not your fault that this is happening to you. I get that, but then, don't you think about your kids? Who will take good care of them the way you want it? Who? How do you think they will cope when you, you..." She could continue or complete the statement, she started sobbing again.
She was right. I really haven't thought so deep about it. It usually comes to my mind, but then, I wave it off so it doesn't trouble me. Right now, I think I don't have any choice, than to really think about it. I sighed deeply and noticed a hot liquid on my cheek. I touched it and saw that I was actually crying, without knowing it.
Amanda took her phone and started going through it. I had no idea what she was doing as she was facing me. She dropped it almost immediately though.
I decided to say something, if I could try to calm her down I would be glad. I didn't want Eddy to know about this, atleast for the time being.
"Amanda, if I had the power to turn back the hand of time, or the power to heal myself, I wouldn't hesitate to do that. If I am asked to choose a family once more, I would choose this and over again. I know it's gonna be hard, especially for those who would be alive to feel the pain. But, it'll just be a matter of time and all of these, the pains, the anger, the bitterness, the crying, the heart ache, all of it will all go away. I just want you to help me live this few time I have peacefully. I don't know how I can come back to live well with Eddy again. I wish I know how to, I still love him and care so much about him. Maybe you could help me."
She nodded. "Yes, I will do all I can. I will try talking to him also. I promise to help you, no matter what it will take me."
I smiled calmly. "Thanks Amanda. I knew I could really count on you. Don't worry about me okay. I'm still fine for the meantime, alright."
"I know you're just saying that to make me feel better. It won't be that easy, but I will try."
"I know you will. Come here." I said to her opening my arms and she knee-walked to me and embraced me tightly.
I really love this girl. She was not just a sister in-law to me, age was a sister and a friend, and a shoulder I could lean on. Aside Sonia, she was the next closest person I have, that I could leave my kids to without thinking twice about the decision. She was a sweetheart and I know she would be there even when I leave.
I left her room and went to mine. I checked my phone and noticed that I had missed a call from someone. When I checked, I saw that it was Sonia. I also checked the message that she sent to me and I felt that I needed to go see her. I wasn't planning on disclosing my health issue with her, but I could tell her about my fight with Eddy.
I went to the bathroom, took my brush and put a two pea-sized toothpaste on it and brushed my teeth thoroughly. Which after I was done brushing, I rinsed my mouth and kept the toothbrush back. I went back to the room and undressed, then put my towel around my chest and walked to the bathroom.
I felt a little cold, so I used the warm water shower instead, so I don't catch a cold. It took me few minutes to bath and in no time, I was done.
I dried my body with the towel and applied some ointment on my skin to give it the perfect moisturizing I wanted.
I went to my closet, searched for a dress and picked a simple green gown. I put it on, checking myself in the mirror and it looked okay. I took a matching flat shoe and put it on. I put on a black earrings, it's necklace and bangles. Then, I picked up a matching black bag and checked the mirror. It suited me so well. I fixed my hair properly till I looked so good.
I took my car keys and put it inside my bag. I checked the mirror the last time before leaving the room, locking the door behind me.
I got downstairs to see Amanda in the dinning room, setting the table.
"What are you doing? I asked.
"Just prepared breakfast for you. I thought you'd be hungry. It's past breakfast hour though. So, I decided to make something for you." She answered, smiling.
"That's so sweet. Thanks so much. I'm going to Sonia's place, but, I will definitely eat this before I go. Thanks again my dear."
"Enjoy your meal."