Slowly, she stepped into the room closing the door behind her. She inhaled deeply at the familiar scent of cherished memories of her childhood, her mind going back to the times spent here with mum, involuntarily, a tear stroked down her lids, quickly cleaning it, she looked around to observe the room in detail, his cloths where littered around everywhere, his bed was wasn’t made, the bed sheet lay half way to the ground. His spare brief case was on the ground at the far end of the room close to his reading table. Books were littered all around, on the bed, on the table, around the floor, the rug looked dirty like it hadn’t been swept for a while. The state of the room surprised her, he usually kept the place clean and orderly
“I wonder what is bothering him” Risha whispered to herself. Despite his usual characteristic calmness and sober composure, she had begun to pick up a change in mood of recent, he didn’t say much anymore, he always seemed deep in thought, her usual pranks these days didn’t seem to affect him anymore, usually, he just smiled at her as if in resignation. He spent most of his time in his room, meals when shared were in silence. Something was definitely bothering him, but she couldn’t figure it out.
“Let’s see, maybe a sycophant of a girl forced him into marriage and made his life a living hell” her own conscience answered her sarcastically.
“Oh whatever” she scoffed becoming angry with herself, “I don’t really care what’s his problem, his, misery doesn’t bother me at all. If anything, I am enjoying all these.” She tried convincing herself, but deep down, she knew she cared, she knew she was worried about him and that his misery no longer brought her any joy or satisfaction. Now, she longed to know more about him, understand the kind of person he was, she loved to sit in his company, to see that lovely smile, his sober eyes, no longer did she wish to hurt him, in fact, she only pranked him these days because it had become a habit she loved, it gave her an excuse to be in his company, to talk to him. All these she knew was true, but she refused to admit it to herself, things were changing in her heart with every passing moment, but she couldn’t bring herself to commit, to admit. Her fantasies were far safer to dwell in and her ego, too inflated to surrender.
Taking slow steps, she found herself picking up his littered cloths and folding them neatly on the bed, once or twice she brought the cloths to her face to sniff and inhale deeply in his scent that she had become so familiar with, all with the lame excuse of deciding which was clean.
She put them in the wash basket and spread the bed, after lying and rolling over it a few times like a little kid, just the idea that he had lain there also, brought a certain weird pleasure to her heart, slowly she pressed the pillow to her face, it smelled of him also.
“What is wrong with me?” she groaned. Never had she felt like this before, she hated to admit it but she liked the feeling, loved it. Resisting the urge to drift off to sleep, she rolled over, moving to other things.
Picking up his scattered books which were mostly about law and philosophy, she arranged them neatly on the shelve, while doing that, her sharp eyes spotted something, it was a small book, with a black leather cover, it was hidden behind the shelve. Straining a little, she reached for it. There was nothing written on the cover, so out of curiosity, she opened it. The contents where written in someone’s hand, she admired the style and elegance of the writing. “Wow” she exclaimed. Slowly, she started to read. She couldn’t make sense of the first sentences that caught her eyes.
“I am so happy today, after all these years, I am finally going home, I can’t wait to see mummy and the others, to hug them, to see their smiles…”
Not making sense of this, she opened the next page against her better judgement and the warning in her head. On the next page there was a date and time written at the top, it read.
“Hmm, the journey was so hectic and tiring, I so hate travelling.”
Scheming through rapidly, her curiosity increasing with every passing second. At the bottom of the page, it read.
“Just a few minutes away from reaching home, Oh Allah, thank you…a new beginning awaits me…please guide my path…”
Realising what the book was, Risha quickly closed it, breathing deeply, could it be? She thought, her heart racing “Farhan’s personal dairy?”
“You shouldn’t be going through his stuffs,” her mind warned her. Slowly she put it back on the shelf, struggling with her curiosity. Realising that it was almost time when he usually returned, she swept the room clean, all the time her mind still on the dairy.
It was almost time when he usually returned, looking around to admire her handy work, she felt pleased with herself. Slowly, she stepped out the door, debating with herself and trying desperately to come up with an excuse to go through that diary.
She walked back into the room pacing and struggling with her conscience. As if to put her out of her misery, her mind suggested, “why don’t you use its contents to psychology torture him?” needing no further excuse, she grabbed the book and hurried out, her heart racing. Taking the steps two at a time, she hurried down, it was then that she saw him, walking up the stairs, just a few steps away from her. Trying to stop, she stripped and fell over, right into him.
Farhan shocked by the impact stepped back, using the stair railing to support himself, he succeeded in steadying both of them. His arms rapping around her subconsciously as he tried to steady them both.
Risha gasped, her mind going blank and her silly heart racing. He held her firmly to his chest, her face barely an inch away from his, they were close, so close as to feel their breaths on each other’s faces. Enthralled, she found herself staring into his eyes hypnotised by the seductive depths, her body tingled everywhere and somehow, she found it hard to breath.
They stayed like that for what seemed like hours before she recovered her senses and stepped back as he released her from his magnetic embrace. Remembering what she had in her hand, she quickly hid it behind her.
“Are you ok?” he asked in an exhausted voice.
“Yes” she replied still a little breathless, then slowly, she went down the stairs refusing to back him, her hand still behind her.
Farhan observed her curiously as she backed away. “what could she be up to this time” he wondered looking at the direction of his room, when he looked back, she was gone. Shaking his head in surprise at her strange behaviour, he walked up the stairs wondering what evil egg she had laid this time, waiting to hatch.
As soon as he stepped in, his sharp eyes took everything in instantly, self-consciously walked around all the time expecting some sinister thing to happen.
While he was exploring upstairs, Risha was down stairs recovering from her encounter and hiding properly her just stolen price. Her whole being tingled with excitement as her racing heart slowly regained its normal beat, never had any man other than her father held her so close before, it felt strangely sweet and sensuous, subconsciously, she found herself holding her hands across her chest to minimize the painful pleasure she was experiencing.
“It’s Risha free, oh sorry I meant trap free” she heard his voice behind her. Startled, she turned quickly to find him standing behind her, his usual smile in place.
“Uugh!” She scoffed in disgust at being startled. “Look, stop doing that” she exclaimed genuinely becoming angry.
His brows raised sceptically “okay” he said slowly backing away a safe distance, “anything was possible with this crazy girl” I just wanted to thank you for helping me clear up my room, that was very nice of you” he said.
“Well, I…um…I mean its…” she tripped upon words.
Farhan brows raised in surprise, “you are welcome Farhan, don’t worry about its Farhan…anything will do…” he volunteered smiling. Surprisingly, he was enjoying her condition.
Smiling shyly at her own clumsiness, she said, “you are welcome Farhan.”
And then she looked into his eyes, holding his gaze, she felt lost in a trance, experiencing something she could not understand, and then, for the first time, she lowered her gaze first, she just couldn’t continue to stare into those depths, it made her breath stop, made her hot all over…made her tingle in ways she didn’t understand.
At the break of eye contact, Farhan realised that he too had been lost in the beauty of those eyes, he seemed uneasy by it, but whatever he was feeling, he kept it hidden behind that smile that was never far from his expression, taking another step back, he said in a little voice “I should go up,” his own voice sounded strange to his ears, he tried not to look at her now.
“Yea, if you want to” she whispered glancing up at him just a bit.
“Thanks again” he said feeling awkward, then he headed for the stairs.
Risha nodded weakly, her legs were barely holding her up, as soon as she heard his door close, she grabbed the diary and dashed for her room, locking the door behind her, her heart was pounding as she fell on her bed, pulling the pillow to her chest and hugging it tightly. “what is wrong with me?” she moaned.
It was almost mid night before Risha found the courage to steal a peek through the diary, all the while, she had been debating with herself whether to shut the book away in her drawer and return it the next day or go through it, she knew it would be a gross transgression of his personal boundary and she didn’t quite know why, but it felt as if she was about to do something that would change everything for her, but still, and not unexpectedly so, she went through it. Farhan had for her become a mysterious puzzle that she desperately wanted to solve, she longed to understand him, to discover in his own words how he had become the person he was, to see the world through his eyes, to understand his super human calm, his faith, his patience and his sense of humour, she longed to unravel the undeniable story, that lay beyond the calm demeanour…everything about him had become so captivating for her. She knew in her heart that she would not be at peace until she read this dairy, it may turn out to be nothing important, but still, she just had to know, had to be sure.
She breath softly as her eyes fell on the first words…
“Two weeks from now, if Allah will it, I would be a graduate and I would be returning to everyone and everything I love. I was of the opinion that keeping a dairy was lame and childish and something only girls do, but I have come to learn to my great pleasure, that it is no bad thing to record one’s life events, the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, awkward and the funny. For after a time, it is such memories that give one a clear picture of the past and also the present. I regret I have not kept one all these years living in a foreign land, but now that I am starting a whole new phase in my life, I am determined to capture it all…”
Two weeks later
“I am so happy today, after all this time, I am finally going home today, I can’t wait to see mummy and the others, to hug them, to see their smiles, to hear their laughter, their voice, my little ones must be all grown up now, 8 years, O! Allah, it’s been so long, I just can’t wait, grant me safe journey Ya rabb and make my return a light for those I return to…”
11 hours later.
“Wow! I have forgotten just tiring flights can be, the journey was so hectic and tiring, so I guess jet lag really is a thing…I so hate travelling. But tiring as it is, it has brought me home, to my very own Nigeria, things haven’t changed much from what I can see. Now I am just a few minutes away from my home…O! Allah thank you… a new beginning awaits me… please guide my path…
Mid night
Its official, I have never been so happy to see any one in my entire life, such joy, such happiness is hard to describe, such love and affection…mummy despite the years has lost none of her beauty, her charming smile and affectionate eyes have lost none of its vitality and charm. Oh! God, her warm embrace, the pecks and the cuddling…”
Risha found herself hugging at her pillow involuntarily, the words bringing to mind memories of her own mother.
“…all my juniors Faruk, Fawaz, Farida and Faizah, how much they have grown into such stunning youngsters, pictures just never do justice , Fawaz is 20 he is my immediate junior Faruk is 14, he is the fourth, Farida, darling Farida, she is third and 18years and finally, Faizah, the baby of the house is 11, she was just 3 years old when I left; and I have to admit, mum was right when she said that Faizah was the most beautiful amongst us. She is like a smaller version of Farida only with daddy’s eyes and mummy’s smiles…daddy, dear daddy it hurts so much to think of you, how I miss you right now, I wish you were here with us, to see your boy as a man in the making, to pat me on the shoulder and tell me “well done” I wish you could be here dad, I really do. You will forever be in my heart and my constant prayers for you will never cease. I hear about my colleagues complaining about their dads pushing them around and not giving them enough space and all that, I smile and secretly wish for this, I would much rather have you here to push me around than not have you at all…I will make you proud dad, I will make sure mummy and my juniors never suffer…
Ok, as I was saying, I can’t put the feeling into words, the joy, the tears… (yes, the tears) so what if I cried? Hahah! It was tears of joy, but mind you, I didn’t cry in their presence, I cried in the privacy of my room, I am only telling you this since you can’t speak and I will never let anyone go through you…hahah!
Risha found herself smiling despite the tears in her eyes, he had been such a cheerful fellow she thought. He still was realised but on rear occasions.
Closing the diary, she put it aside, her own mind bringing back memories of her childhood, of her mother. With that thought in mind, she fell asleep.