QUEEN
"I love you, Queen, No matter what happens I promise I will not leave you."
Liar...
I woke up and turned around and see that I was in my room. I was gasping for air, my heart pounding as though I’d been running. I closed my eyes and take deep breaths.
I don't know what happened to me last night but I don't want that to happen again. I'm scared.
Like before, I acted as if nothing had happened, I don't want it to remember.
Ignorance felt safer.
Over the past few days, I was often with Vermont than my siblings. Surprisingly, they all didn’t say anything about that night.
One thing I also notice is that my brothers looks like courting Allisha and Estancia, I often watch them from afar. I somewhat enjoy watching them.
Is that the look of In love?
Everything has been quiet these past few days. These quiet days felt like a blessing. Yet, a bit boring, but this is much better than before.
"Queen Diamond, Dinner?" Vermont’s warm voice broke my thoughts. He smiled at me and his hand finally settling gently on my waist.
"Are you free tonight?" I asked him and he nod.
"Yup, my sched was finally not hectic... and my friends are also going. Is it okay with you?" His tone was somewhat hopeful that I would say yes. I went silent. I still do uncomfortable with them even though we’ve seen each other so many times. But I can’t say no to him. "Are you alright?" I took his hand and stared at him. I smiled weakly at him.
"Yup, our group just has a little problem."
"Oh? I wished you'll resolve it soon."
"I hope so. Anyways, your friends can join too. The more the merrier, right?"
“Thank you. You know it’s been a while since we hang-out together, they are busy on acads. You would love their company, just be yourself.” I nod at him and we waited a few more minutes for Vermont's friends and I don't know but when they finally joined us, the air shifted immediately—an unspoken tension settled over the group like a heavy fog. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, regretting my decision.
Now, I do want to go home because I feel uneasy when I’m with them.
"What do you want? Jason will pay." Said Vermont and they clapped.
“I thought you are going to pay half of it?”
"Since it was Jason’s treat just order anything."
"Okay then, what do you want Queen Diamond?"
"I'm okay with anything and just water, please. Thank you." they nodded and Art stood up when Akie stopped him. I simply avert my eyes and look for my phone. Why do I have to be with them again?
"What are you doing Akie?" the two had already left so the four of us were left at the table.
Fuck the atmosphere here.
Fuck everyone.
"So, Diamond how are you?" Akie asked and I look at her, she smiled widely at me and next to her is Shanon who is seriously staring at me.
"I'm fine, what about you?"
"Good, Haha we're fine too aren't we Art?"
"Hmm? Yeah."
"I know it's too late, but I will still like to apologize. I'm sorry for what we did last time at the Library, I was just so angry that I did it to you. You see I really can’t control my anger."
"No need to say sorry. I already forgot that."
"Ahh." her smile suddenly vanished and she looked at me sharply. "You know what I really hate you, I don't care if you have thousands of different names, I don't fucking care if you're name is not Astrid. I just hate you."
"Akie!" Art said sorry to me but I didn't look at him. “Stop it Akie.” said Art, but she also ignored him.
"I also don't care if you like me or not, hate me all you want..." I said calmly, though my hands clenched under the table. "Curse me, I don't have any problem with that. But remember this, I just recently know you all and the thing I know about you all is just your name and we don't really interact with each other, I don't recall anything that I did to you that will make you hate me. Such a baseless hatred you have for me."
"Since you came, everything has been messed up, again." She snapped.
"I see. May I remind you, maybe you forgot you all are the ones who started all of this. Vermont already stop on believing that I am Astrid, why don’t you do the same thing?"
“That is because he was blinded by love! In no time he will realize that it was dumb to get near you!”
"What's up?" we were all surprised by the sudden arrival of Bench. “Hi.” He then smiled at me and I nod at him.
"Bench, hi," I said and they also greeted the Bench, I don't know if I'm the only one who feels it but it seems like things will get more chaotic now.
"Are you looking for a seat?" Akie asked and Bench nodded. I want to pull her hair, really.
"I just stop here to say hi."
"That's nice, but if you want you can join with us. Right guys?"
"Yeah, why don't you join us? it looks like you and Diamond are already close." Shanon on his side look at Bench with a smile.
"Is it really okay?"
"Yep," Bench asked and they nod then he look at me and I bite my lip.
"Hmm, okay." They smiled widely and I sighed.
"I'll just order."
"Go on." I didn’t look at them, not wanting to meet their icy stare. Damn. I will be stuck in here, just what is this that they want?
"So, the rumors are true, you and Bench are 'friends'. Interesting."
"I don't really know what you're thinking right now, but please leave me alone."
"Akie can you please stop it? You're embarrassing yourself."
"Me? Embarrassing myself? Haha, you're making me laugh Art."
"What you've said earlier is all nonsense. Can't believe that you said that."
I just watched the two of them look at each other with deadly stares, why are they dragging me into this?
"Here." they just stopped when the three suddenly came. I don't know if it's a good thing that they came right away before the two of them got worse or if they didn't should come together because the tension at our table got heavier.
I shouldn't have really said yes to this dinner, I've already lost my appetite.
"I'm sorry it took so long," said Jason.
"So, Let's eat? I'm really hungry." I said to remove the dead silence and they nodded. I want this to end right now, it looks like I'm the only one who's having a hard time with our situation.
Akie and Shanon who hates me, Art and Akie who suddenly have this misunderstanding. And I feel that Bench and Vermont don't get along either. I don't know what to do!
“Ah just to inform all of you, I already said sorry to her and we're now friends." friends? Really, I want to puke.
“That’s good to hear.” Jason then smiled and Vermont stare at me. He didn’t say anything and he has this blank face that is why I can’t tell what he as thinking.
"Why are you all silent? This will only happen once, See you four are here again!" Akie said cheerfully and even pointed to them. So, they do know each other... Jason, Art, Bench, and Vermont.
"Diamond you didn't know this, so I'll tell you and this is really interesting you see.”
“You don’t need to.”
"No you should hear this Jason, Art, Bench, and Vermont have been good friends since high school, but sad to say they had a huge fight. So, Bench was separated from the three of them. Your curious right, why did they fight and ended up breaking their friendship, your curious right? right?" I closed my eyes and sighed. The men shifted uncomfortably, their silence confirming her words.
"Akie would you please stop it?"
"I was just telling an old story."
"I am not curious, that's their problem not mine so there's no need for me to know it."
"That's bad... but since we are best friends now, I'll tell you even you don't want to hear." I stop eating and raise my eyebrows. "They were inseparable until a girl came between them. Astrid. All of them fell in love at the same time with the same girl." she smiled and looked at the four, I resumed eating because it looks like that Akie was now unstoppable from talking about things from the past.
They all fell in love with Astrid... what a fuck up life you four have.
"And they court that girl, they said may the best man win. But in the end, the winner was Vermont, the three accept and they still remained friends. But the woman was a bitch, she flirted with Bench first, and then this idiot flirted back. Because of that, Vermont and Bench never talked to each other again, and that bitchs' next target is Art. It has been repeated again Art flirted back and everything is ruined, their friendship and our relationship. It's all broken."
I stared at my food and nodded.
"Ahh, I see. That is so fuck up."
"Right. Then that slut suddenly disappeared like a bubble after she made such a huge mess."
"And the story continues, I showed up and all of you assumed that I'm Astrid that I will cause trouble again, and then here we are. So pathetic." after I said that they all fell silent. Vermont coughed and there he look at me. I nodded and he smiled.
"I just want to say that..." Vermont held my hand and sighed. "I ask Queen Diamond if I can court her and she said yes, so we're currently dating right now. So please don't drag her name coz she's not Astrid."
"I knew it. You've been coming out more often. Good for both of you." Jason said and I smiled.
"Thank you."
"I don't know what to say," said Shanon, and the other three were silent.
"It's ok, that's all I want to say. I was planning to tell to all of you when she already said yes, but it would be better if we already told you now. So, I would like to appreciate if you stop blaming her, they are not the same person."
"Okay. Congrats in advance." Akie said it and give us a not so genuine smile.
"That's all I wanted to say if you don't have anything else to talk about, well go now, I'll need to take her home early."
"Yeah, be careful."
"Hmm, goodbye." I take deep breaths and sighed in relief when we finally got inside the car, Vermont held my hand and I smiled at him.
"Don't worry, I'm ok."
"What Akie said is all true, it was such a long story."
"That's in the past, if they think I'm Astrid and I'm just causing you trouble, Why do I need to be guilty? I'm not Astrid, we are different people."
"Thank you." I shook and tightened the grip on his hand. “And I’m sorry if you heard that from them. I will talk to them again.”
"It’s fine. Let's just forget that happened."
"I don’t think so. Do you still want to continue eating dinner?"
"Sure, as long as it's free."
"When did I make you pay for our food?" I laughed and he caress my cheek and after that, he started the car. "I'm craving in some Pasta right now."
"Then let's go to a resto and buy pasta! I want a burger and pizza too, Haha."
"Okay, pasta, burger, and pizza here we come!" I'm really curious about what happened to them, like what Vermont said what Akie told earlier is not the whole story. I want to know if the two really did cheat but I can't just ask him. Lots of unanswered questions, but for now I won't think about it because it will only give me stress.
Yeah, right. We are dating. People might think it happened too fast—and maybe they’re right. It’s not as if Vermont and I had known each other for years or had some deep, romantic buildup. One moment, we were strangers; the next is tons of misunderstanding and we both fibd ourselves in sone situation were he was declaring his intentions, and I… said yes.  
Honestly, I don’t feel anything for him—not in the way I probably should. There’s no flutter in my chest when he looks at me, no overwhelming desire to be near him. Instead, it’s a dull kind of warmth, a fragile comfort I cling to because I don’t know how to let go of the past.  
I can’t forget him. My dead boyfriend, the one who once held my heart so completely, still lingers in every shadow of my mind. The grief I'm still clinging unto and the wound that hasn’t healed. I wonder if it ever will.  
Maybe I’m with Vermont because his presence dulls the pain slightly. He’s kind, patient, and always there when I need him. But is that enough? Is it fair to him that I’m here beside him not because I have feelings him, but because I can’t bear the emptiness of being alone?  
I'm guilty, because I was just using him.
As the car sped through the quiet streets, Vermont glanced at me. He was humming along to a song on the radio, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel. It was so simple, so ordinary—and yet I couldn’t shake the guilt twisting in my chest.  
"You okay?" he asked, his voice pulling me from my thoughts.  
I blinked, startled. "Yeah," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just tired and hungry."  
He nodded, not pressing further, and I let out a silent sigh of relief.
Why does he have to be so good? Why does that make it worse?
Vermont leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table.  
"You’ve been quiet tonight," he observed.  
I twirled a strand of pasta on my fork, avoiding his gaze. "Just… a lot on my mind."  
"Is it what Akie said earlier?" he asked, his brow furrowing.  
"Partly," I admitted. "But mostly, it’s… me."  
"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was steady, his concern genuine.  
I hesitated, biting my lip. 
Did I want to? Could I even put this into words?
"It’s nothing serious," I finally said, forcing a casual tone. "Just thinking about life, I guess. You know how it is."  
He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push. Instead, he reached across the table and gently placed his hand over mine. "Whatever it is, I’m here, okay? You don’t have to carry it alone."  
His words hit harder than they should have, and for a moment, I had to look away to keep my emotions in check. You’re too good, Vermont. Too good for someone like me.
After hearing that small part of his story I somewhat find myself guilty.
If he was just using me too, I would be glad. Because this would lift the guilt in my heart.
—IAmRoseee