"Bess, I know you're worried but you can't go. If there's a problem, maybe he's not telling you because he can handle it on his own. You know he doesn't want you to worry."
Maureen left after we bonded with friends. She wants to accompany me since I'm starting to overthink right now. Two whole days. He hasn't been feeling well for two days so how can I not worry?!
How could he resist not to even text me just once?!
"You know it's not like that, Mau. I only need one text or call from him but he couldn't even do that. He makes me look like a fool. I've been restless for two days because of what's happening. I'm his freaking girlfriend. Of course, I have the right to know what's going on! Why? Is it because I'm useless? Is he making me look like I can't do anything?! Huh? Is that it?" I messed up my hair because of madness.
I don't see anything wrong with him telling me what happened. Even if he only sends a dot, that's okay with me.
Mau worriedly look at me."Shara, calm down. You'll only get worse when you continue to worry. I don't know what's going on but I'll try to ask Ziro. I know he knows something and Caseth just forbids them to say but I'll tickle her so you don't have to worry."
"What if I'll be the one to go there and confirm what happened? I can't wait to find out the truth, Mau. The thought of Caseth being with Ashley is killing me to death." I was about to stand up when he quickly stopped me.
"No! You hate hospitals, Shara. Maybe something else will happen to you when you see even just its entrance. I'm going to blame myself if it happens that I let you go there." There was a threat in her voice when she said that.
I sobbed at what he said."P-Please, Maureen. You're my bestfriend and I know you hate seeing me like this. I don't want to just stare at it and do nothing because he also won't say what happened. Mau, please let me go there. If you want, join me to reassure you that nothing will happen to me."
"Okay, hush. Don't cry. Get dressed, we're going to the hospital but we won't show them. Got it?" She wiped a few tears from my eyes.
I slowly nodded, feeling relieved."Thank you, bessy. I promise, if ever that I found out what happened there we'll immediately go home. I just want to see him even for a moment."
"Okay, okay. Change your clothes. We're leaving."
I only wore simple sweatpants and a leather jacket because I knew it would be cold outside. It's getting dark so the weather is cold. I'll have dinner later when I get home since I ate a lot before.
"Oh? Where are you going? Isn't it late?" Mom asked in astonishment.
We looked at each other before he answered."We're just going for a while on 7/11, Tita. We're just going on a trip to eat refreshments. I'll take care of Shara."
"Oh, hey. Please bring our son back right away ah? He can't be caught eating dinner because he still has medicine to take," Papa told us.
"Don't worry, Ma, Pa. I'll be right back."
When we got in her car and he searched on the GPS what was possibly taken to Sister Casyn. I told her that Caseth mentioned a private hospital so we tried the three hospitals that came out. We prioritize the most private hospital and you still need an ID before you can enter. We were both frustrated because we didn't bring any of it.
Who would have thought we would look for an ID at a hospital?
"Sir, please. We'll just have to look inside for a while. We've been back and out in less than 10 minutes," I begged the guard for the tenth time.
He just shook his head and did nothing but let me in. We thanked him for so many times and went inside to search for Sister Casyn's name.
"Only restricted visitors can visit the patient. It says only who can enter. What is your name? Also, are you a relative of the patient?" The nurse asked strictly.
"No, we're not. But I'm the girlfriend of the patient's sister. I'm just worried about her condition," I said.
"What's your name? I'll look here on the list so I can tell you the patient's room."
Mau approached the table."Just tell us the number of the floor. We're not going in, we'll just look. Miss, go ahead."
"Yes, go ahead. Just don't show up there or I'll be upset. It's on the 4th floor, first room on the left side. It's alone because it's private and there are bodyguards on duty. Make sure you don't get caught," she added.
I frowned."Why are there bodyguards? What really happened to Sister Casyn?"
"Aish! They said, the ex-boyfriend almost raped her and it's a good thing the beautiful model saved her. All right, hurry up!" he's still driving us away.
R-Rape? She almost got rape if someone didn't save her? And that someone was... Ashley. Maybe now, Sister Casyn is very grateful to him because he saved her life. They're maybe too close right now. Maybe his trust in Ashley has returned.
That might be the reason why he forgot me. Because her heart has softened again for her ex.
"Hey, don't think too much. Let's go to the elevator. We have to get out before 10 minutes like we told him to guard," Mau hurried.
I forced myself to calm down and not think of anything. But no matter how I tried, my hands were shaking and my knees are trembling. There is really only one way to find out. I myself have to discover with my eyes.
"Whatever happens, Mau, if we see something unexpected kindly drag me away from there before I could make a scene. I'm really nervous." I held both of his hands with my hand that was already cold.
She caressed my cheeks, calming me down."Okay, I know. But you have to hold on to yourself. When we see something bad, I'll take you away from here right away."
We both got out of the elevator and walked towards the left side. We didn't show ourselves and just hide in the wall. We peeked to see who was there and there were four bodyguards guarding. Seconds after, Caseth came out of the room and as what I've expected, Ashley followed her
.
We were a little far from them so we couldn't hear them. And then I just saw how Ashley hugged him so tight but he didn't even react. My chest tightened even more when he hugged it back at the same time as the door opened again and a man and woman who were not yet old came out. They must be his parents.
I laughed bitterly even though my heart seemed to be breaking in pain. Caseth aren't replying to me and didn't even told me about his parent's arrival. It should be me, not Ashley. I'm his girlfriend and not her! But it seems that she has no intention of telling the truth to her parents because she probably doesn't want to be embarrassed.
He even promised that he's going to introduce me to them right after they arrive. But seems like it would never happen. He looks even happier now.
"Shara! Oh my gosh! Come on, I'll take you home." She forced me to stand up and take the elevator.
I inhale and exhaled to calm myself so that the minor attack will stop. We don't have any money so I won't let myself rot in the hospital again. Maybe my disease is impossible to heal. This day, I still feel the tightness of my chest even though I have calmed myself a few times.
"T-The pain, bess. T-The pain hurts my heart. W-Why is he like that?" My voice has weakened because my crying has overshadowed it.
I cried harder inside her car and she's there to comfort me anytime. She didn’t speak and just let me cry on her shoulder. When I was tired and I had no more tears to shed, I stopped. The heartache that I'm feeling right now couldn't be healed in just a minute. I need his explanation but I want him to say it without me asking.
I'm tired of remembering and understanding. If I know, he didn't even think of me.
"Your eyes aren't puffy anymore. I should send you home now. Maybe your parents are wondering." She started the engine of her car and drive me home.
I thought I wouldn't cry anymore but I couldn't really sleep thinking about what happened earlier. It keeps on popping on my mind that makes me cry again. I can't really think of a reason why he did that. He said he don't do cheating but that's what he's doing right now. He makes me feel the pain she felt when Ashley left her.
I woke up early because of my phone alarm and no longer bothered to check my messages and calls. He's not going to reply to me anyways and if he did, I don't care. The scenario I witnessed last night is still fresh to me so I'm still angry here.
I went to school early which surprised Mama and Papa. It was just 6:30 in the morning but I'm in our room already. Fortunately, Pres was only here at 6:00 to open the room. He's our class president so he has to arrive earlier than me.
"Is that all your projects? You came so early, don't clean up. Maybe you'll be out of breath again," he reminded me.
I smiled and nodded."Yes, you said so. I'll just pass it on to our teachers since I don't have something to do."
As I was walking down the hallway I met two women who I remember were Caseth’s classmates. They were busy looking at their phones as if they were thrilled. And when they notice me staring at them, they stopped and looked at me with disgust.
"You're still alive. Last day, we heard the announcement that you and Caseth were together. Aren't you sick? And then Caseth is a bully, we don't believe he's determined," the girl who's holding the phone said.
"Besides, if you're still there, where is he now? He's not with you but with the girl he truly loves. Look!" Her companion snatched the phone and showed me pictures of them together.
It was Ashely who posted it on instagram. Caseth was sleeping there and the two of them were holding hands as he smiled at the camera. There was also a picture when they eat together in the cafeteria of the hospital. I just didn't speak anymore and left.
I-I can't. I really can't bare to see those pictures. It's like I'm being killed by pain. Why am I so miserable in life? I was just full of pain and suffering.
It was true that he's just using me as a rebound. That was my only role in his life and the difficulty of accepting that fact.
I just went straight to the gazebo of the school where no one was. There I released all the pain I was feeling. I opened my phone, trying to check if he texted me or what but still there's nothing. I just cried because I really couldn't do it anymore.
H-How did he do this to me.
"I saw the pictures, Shara. It's okay, you can cry."
I stopped crying when I heard that voice behind me.
It was Racer, the one who's always by my side like what Maureen does. Not once has he been able to hurt me. He was always there to make me happy and I was also comfortable with him.
Why can't I just choose him and love him? Can I still feel this pain? Do I have a competitor? I bet not. But it's what I chose and I couldn't change it anymore. And if I could, I'd still choose not to. Why is it that of all the people I can love, he still can't move on from his past.
The deception of destiny.
"Maybe I want to laugh at what's happening to me right now. I was hurt and it's because of the guy I choose over you," I said angrily.
I heard him let out a sigh."There's nothing wrong when it comes to love, Shara. You just followed your heart so you shouldn't regret it. I can see that you were happy with him too."
"The joy I felt for him, there was nothing like the pain for me. He said he would only choose me, that he would only love me. But what's this?!" I shuddered pulling the grass on my side out of annoyance.
"We can't force someone to choose us and we can't demand them to love us. That's really what love is. No matter how much we love him, if you don't feel the same way, you still don't have it. It's better to stay away from them and nurture the disease alone," he replied meaningfully.
I looked at him with pleading eyes."Racer... I'm sorry if I hurt you. I-I didn't mean to believe you."
"You don't have to say sorry because it's not your fault. Even so, I'm still happy because we're friends. I'm still close to you and thank you for that." He smiled and I messed up my hair, smile mixed with a little pain.
I guess we're both in pain. We love someone we can't have. And what hurts me the most is, he loves me but I can't love him back. He deserves to find someone better than me. That he can't be hurt like this.
"I'm also lucky to have you, Racer. I also don't want to lose you because you're my friend."
Again, he smiled and nodded."Me too. I'll just see you happy I'm okay. Always remember that I'm always here at your back whatever happens."
Not that I regret everything but... I hope he is the only one I love.