"How are you feeling? Do you need something? Baby, you can tell me."
My parents went out with the doctor for a while while my friends were forced to go home because it was already night. Except for Maureen who doesn't have plan on leaving me especially in my situation right now. I couldn't blame her because she's just worrying about me. I also just want him here because maybe what will happen to me and the last time I will even see him.
I nodded at him slowly."I-I'm okay. You have to.. m-you rest."
Ever since I collapsed earlier, my body gets really weaker than ever. Like, I couldn't move my body that easier. I only control my hands but not that easier too.
"Baby, you'll get better, huh? Ate Casyn will visit you tomorrow so you'll better not give up. She wants to talk to you too." He took my hand tightly and kissed it.
I gave him a small smile and nodded even though I'm not sure if I'm still breathing that time. I'm not saying I promise but I just tried to agree with him. Maybe God will give me a chance to see his sister and talk to her for the last time of my life.
"I-I'm just here... next to you. G-Go to sleep." I squeezed his hands even if it hurts me because I don't have enough strength to use.
He nodded and leaned his head on the hospital bed."I hope that when I wake up, everything's gonna be alright. You have to heal immediately so that we could embrace each other."
I just cried silently when he finally fell asleep. He was tired of watching over me and even though I was guilty, I was still happy because he was doing everything to make me stay by his side. He wants me to stay on his side but how could I? Our biggest fear is starting to happen.
"Baby, whatever happens you have to get through all of this. I don't know how but I hope you can because you have to," I whispered while caressing his hair.
I also fell asleep after that crying scenario and just woke up when I felt like someone's playing my hand. It was him. When I woke up, I saw him immediately so I just smiled... even though I only felt tired.
My father who was sleeping on the sofa opposite to my mother's suddenly wake up after hearing a little sound coming from him. He stood up immediately to see my condition, probably think that something happened.
"Shara, are you okay? Why did you wake up again?" Papa asked me worriedly before turning his gaze to Caseth.
The oxygen on my mouth is distracting me from talking properly."N-Nothing, Pa. I just felt someone staring at me so I woke up. W-What time... is it?"
"It's still 12:00 in the midnight baby. You need to get back to sleep now," he reminded me.
"I'll take care of him first, Shara. Sleep there again in my place, I've already slept for a few hours," Papa suggested.
He was forced to do it and gladly he slept again. I can't sleep now and Papa was just in Caseth's place earlier while staring at me. And then I suddenly remembered what I asked him to do.
"P-Papa... d-did you get what I asked for in your favor?" I asked him weakly.
He slightly nodded and went to his bag to get it."Here's your phone, it's fully charged. Then your Christmas gift for him. I'll just put it under the drawer on the table next to you."
"T-Thank you... Papa. I-I love you and Mama so much. R-Remember that." I held his hand and he held mine.
He's about to cry but he stopped himself."S-Son... You're our only princess so we can't. We don't want to accept that... we will lose you."
"You should have to, Papa. T-Take care of yourself, huh? Even Mama, you shouldn't cry day and night. I will always be by your side even if you couldn't see me." I gestured him to give me a hug and so he did.
He even cried on my shoulder quietly because he didn't want them to wake up. I cried because of sadness. I don't have time yet but tomorrow... we will know.
He didn't get back to sleep after that. He always watches over me because I can't sleep and sometimes I have trouble speaking so he doesn't force me anymore. I wanted to hear my embarrassing moments when I was just a kid maybe to bring back memories. The time when I was still free from everything. On how did I overcome the situation like this and survived.
Mama said that she was holding on to it so that for the second time, I would get through it again.
I wish I could. But I always question myself how?
"D-Doc ... Am I going to d-die?" I had a hard time asking the doctor when the two of us were left here inside.
He sighed in hopelessness."I don't want to say it but I couldn't lie at the same time. You only have remaining two hours and thirty minutes before you'll surrender. You're body is weak and we're giving you a life support in case something happened. Sooner or later you may no longer be able to oxygenate to give you air."
I bitterly smiled because of that. He's Jelo's father like what he told me. He said he would be my doctor when I was hospitalized so he is here now.
"C-Can you please tell... J-Jelo and my friends to come? Please tell t-them... bring Racer," I said with difficulty while gasping for breath.
He worriedly nodded and get out of the room. Minutes later, Caseth and my parents together with Sister Casyn went inside the room. She almost cried after seeing my condition. She feels sorry for me and I know that. All of them that I see like this, that's what they look like.
"S-Shara... d-don't give up sweetheart. You're a nice girl and I like you to end up with my brother. Y-You can still do it, can't you?" Sister Casyn started crying by my side while my parents couldn't look at us.
I gave her a sad smile."I-I want to be able to... S-Sister.. But I don't know how."
"Of course you can! We're just here with you. We won't let you go. Baby, you can fight for it," Caseth said convincingly.
After an hour, my friends came in a rush. They were all in a hurry to see me and at that time, I could not move my bodies. I was paralyzed. Since they were already complete, the doctor announced to them that my life won't take any longer. My body can't handle it for a long time.
They cried harder than ever. That was the first time that I saw them all crying because of me. I badly wanted to wipe their tears away but I'm so numb to do that. One by one they came to me to hug me because that's what I wanted. To feel their embrace before I gone.
"I-I told you.. to.. take care of yourself and.. fix your studies. D-Do that," I said with difficulty.
Maureen cried and held my hand."N-No! I don't want to! I want to achieve things with you because you're my bestfriend. You're... the best of everyone I've met. Until now, I can' t believe that I'm going to lose you. My number one and only bestfriend."
"I'm so sorry, Mau.. I-If I couldn't grant your Christmas wish.. B-But I promise you that I'll be on.. your side that day," my voice was starting to get lower when I said that.
Caseth's two friends, Hades and Ziro, also came. I smiled at them and gestured Ziro to come over.
"Y-You should take care of her... my bestfriend. D-Don't let her cry .. Don't cheat on her.. Love her more than I could love her as my bestfriend. P-Promise me.."
He bit his lower lip, going to cry."I-I promise... I'll take care of her."
I nodded and he tried to pull Mau away from me who was still crying. I looked at my classmates with a teary eyes. Earlier they were crying and not speaking. They will perish in that.
"A-After you graduate... visit me, ah? I want to see your... g-graduation pictures and you guys... wearing a gown and medals on your neck." I gulped when I felt like my breathe is slowly becoming heavy.
I glanced at the clock and just how the time flies. I still have a lot of time left but now it's going down. J-Just... one hour left and I'll rest.
"I-If you can't, we won't force you. You'll just suffer more if you'll force yourself. We know you're tired too and you don't have enough strength to... fight anymore," cried Jelo.
A-Against? D-Did I ever fight? Ever since I knew my life was fixed, I hadn’t thought about fighting for my illness. I always think that I can't hold on to it anymore. I'm hopeless. They are doing everything to fight me but I, myself, say that I can no longer. That I always end up in grave. I never even tried for them.
I won't rest peacefully if I die without even fighting for it.. kahit na konti lang. Even if it's hard. Even if it's impossible. I will do. I'll do what they want and that is to fight for myself.
"M-Mama... I-I have money left in the closet of my room.. I-I really saved it for you and Papa.. Y-You can use all of it." I held her hand which was already shaking.
She just cried and cried."M-Money?! I don't care about money! I-I want you to live.. Even if that's all I ask.. My daughter.."
"That's enough. Don't cry anymore," Dad told her.
"B-But you have to be able to... b-for me. Hmm? I-I love you... I love you," I answered with a sigh.
They panicked. They tried to calm me down but I did it myself. I did calm down.. because I fought back. I'm not yet finished.
"Racer... A-About finding the girl for you, have you found her yet? B-Bring her to me because I want to meet her. It's my last wish."
He wiped his tears and nodded."I-I will. Maybe soon... I'll take him to you. Promise that."
I nodded again. I gestured Caseth to come closer to me. He sat on the chair beside me and holds my hand tightly while his other hand was caressing my hair. He had been secretly crying when he first came to my room.
"H-Hi... B-Baby.. Don't cry anymore," I comforted him.
He bit his lower lip to stop himself from sobbing."H-Hey, baby. Aren't you really like that? A-Are you really giving up? Will you leave me?"
"I-I don't... I don't want to leave you. But those times when we were together, I felt at peace. In a month we've been.. you made me happy. Seems like you're my home no matter where I go. I'm still you. You're my first love... my first in everything." I forced myself to speak without stuttering.
He buried himself in my stomach."Then, be with me. I will always make you feel that way. We will always come back to each other... I will come back to you. Hope I will never forget you. You will always remain in my heart whatever happens."
"I-I'll give you... something.. O-Open that drawer under the table. See what's inside and get it." I swallowed repeatedly so that I could speak more.
He stared at my phone and the Christmas gift he's holding."W-What's this? Are you giving me your phone... and my advance Christmas gift?"
"Y-Yes.. Open it when Christmas comes and when the clock strikes twelve, our memories will remain in our hearts but we won't be together at all." I cried, finally I let go of my hard feelings.
He hugged me so tight and so as me. Crying just filled the whole room and they all didn’t want to let me go. How could I rest after this if they weren't ready to let go of me?
"B-Baby ... are you giving up? Are you ready to rest? P-Are you tired? K-Kase if yes .. even if it hurts ... even if I can't ... I'll do it if that's what you want to," he insisted.
I let go of him and lied back on the bed. "I-I'm tired.. now. B-But I'll do my best to fight. I'll fight for all of you."
I even heard them calling me but I suddenly became weak and at the same time my heartbeat sounded from the monitor. I-It's hard for me. It was as if I suddenly wanted to step back and just live for them. Even if I knew from the very start that it's very impossible to happen.
Is this really the end? Well, maybe it is.
A tear escaped from my eyes as I stopped breathing, still remembering those memories I have with them until it suddenly faded.
This is your Valedictorian, saying goodbye to everyone.