"What do you say, Shara? And why do you look so pale? Are you alright?"
I just smiled sparingly at Racer when we got to the gazebo where no one was. Whenever I'm going to talk with him or Caseth in school, I always prefer this place not just because it's my favorite spot but also away from everyone. I can have a private talk with him whatever I want to say.
"I won't take this too long, Racer. I won't be coming back here starting tomorrow. I'll stop my studies," I answered him directly.
He frowned."H-Huh? Why? I thought your friends will manage your school fees? Don't you want to study anymore because of your illness? Is that what your parents or the doctor said?"
He knew that my friend was spending money on me here. If I know, it was the talk of the town here. The news spread even faster because of the students who looked like reporters in the media.
"Yes, it's because I'm sick. Racer... I-I'm dying... My life will only last for 1 week starting today," I smiled sadly at him.
I saw sadness in his face and plead."W-What? How... Shara, I don't understand. You look okay this past few days."
"Maybe it's the last time that my body is still strong. The medicine that I'm taking isn't working on my body. It just doesn't matter and the doctor said he did a test and then that's the result. After a week, my body will surrender and so as me." I picked a bougainvillea flower because I remembered Caseth here, when we were still in the hospital.
He cleared his throat and looked away, hiding his face."Uh... C-Can we eat together for the last time? I-I just want to make it memorable with the girl I love. No hard feelings, Shara."
"Sure. How many times have I rejected you so why not? You also have a special spot in my heart, second to Maureen."
He leaned over so I could pass and followed me immediately. It's still class hours and theres one hour left before the lunch break so we'll eat faster. I don't want to talk about this school again on my last day here.
He let me wait in our table while he brought foods for us. And I told him not to buy food too much because I ate snacks and I'm not as greedy as Maureen. I even admired her body because no matter she ate a house of sweets and dishes, she remained physically fit.
"These foods that I brought are all delicious. I know you haven't tasted it yet because I always look at what I eat at lunch break. I want you to taste it before you--"
"Before I die? Gladly," I cut off his words and chuckled.
His brows furrowed like I said something he doesn't like."Until now I still don't want to believe what you said. I mean--- who wants you to leave and suffer like that? Even though I... I don't want to lose because we're still friends."
"Yeah, I know. But that's how fate played my life. I've been through a lot of things but I don't know if I can overcome it. It's not that I want to overcome this but... I felt hopeless even though I know that they're behind my back. If I can live at 25%, the rest 75% is the possibility that I might die." I took the food he says and tasted it.
He's right. It's delicious. The food sold at this private school is really delicious. They don't display an ordinary food because there are sponsors for each of the displays. That's really expensive.
"Just be strong and faithful to God like what you always do. You rarely ask him so maybe this time, he can grant you. You're the person I admired the most because of your integrity and personality. No. You give up easily, Shara. So as long as there's a little more hope, you can. We're just behind your back." He put his other hand on my shoulder and gestured me to continue eating.
I had an advance lunch with him and it's enjoyable. I want to somehow make him happy because I'm really guilty of what I've done to reject him. I'm not blaming Caseth but myself. It's on me because I couldn't even give him a little time. I know he's happy now so I feel better.
"You've been one of my greatest friends in Earth, Racer," I joked to him when we got to the opposite side of my room because it was lunch time.
He laughed a little and shook his head."I know, you said that already when we're eating. So? See you when I see you?"
"Okay. Bye. Take care, Racer. See yah!" I gave him a tight hug and I knew he wasn’t expecting that.
I patted his back before letting him go. He smiled at me and waved before leaving. And when I turned my back to the entrance of our room, I saw Caseth on the other side looking at me. He's holding a bouquet of flowers the same as what he brought in the house. He's staring at me like I did something bad.
Was it about Racer? Did he see how I hugged him happily just like what he did? He might think I'm retaliating against him even if I'm not.
I walked towards him and looked around to know if someone's watching us."You're here. Sorry, I didn't notice you. Since when did you arrive?"
"Tell me honestly, what was that hug for? Are you getting revenge on me?" he asked me bitterly.
I am expecting that he will say that too. I don't really do revenging for goodness sake! My parents raised me to be kind to everyone even if I was just trampling on my personality. Sometimes I just run out of patience and I fight... but who retaliates? I-I couldn't do that.
Especially if the person I love gets hurt.
I shook my head in an instant."No, I'm not taking revenge because that's not my thing. That was just a friendly hug and nothing more. Earlier we also ate at the cafeteria and I made sure no one else was there. Because I don't want to be issued again. I just want to forgive him this time."
"Shit! W-Why are you telling me that? Fuck! Don't you know I'm hurting?" He messed up his hair while tighting the hold on the bouquet of flowers.
I took it from his hands and arranged it to his surprise."It is better for us to be hurt by the truth than for us to be happy with pure lies. Caseth, I am telling you this on purpose because I do not want to lie to you. I want to be faithful at all times. Are you? Are you like that?"
"Baby, of course I am. I always think of you wherever I go. But why did you come with him if you're not taking revenge?" he asked with a frown.
I hold his hand and gently pulled it on the way to the music room where there's no other student except for us. I laid down the flower he had given me next to me before he addressed me.
"That may be the last time, Caseth. I just want us to be okay and he'll be happy before we part ways. We might not see each other anymore... who knows?" I played with his hand while I'm resting my head on his shoulder.
I felt him kissing the tip of my hair because of that."I'm sorry if I get jealous, baby. Maybe this is how you felt when you saw that. I-I'm sorry for not telling you earli---"
"Hey, stop that. I'm okay. I just realize that we shouldn't be fighting just because of that. I already forgave you so better not do it again. I won't really talk to you ever again," I said sullenly.
He chuckled and suddenly gave me a peck of the lips that made me stiffened."See? The effect of my kiss on you is really different. But I promise you, baby. I won't leave on your side again. It's already out. Casyn was at the hospital and she looked for you but you didn't come."
"I went, pretending you were waiting for me outside but you were sleeping inside said your mommy and Ash---"
"Shit! D-Did they hurt you ?! Damn! I'm not gonna fucking do what they want again. Never!" he hissed.
I touched both of her cheeks and gave her a smack kiss."Baby, it's okay. It's not physically but emotionally. I also can't blame them if they don't like me. Just promise me you won't tell them that I complained to you. Please?"
He gulped and looked away. Maybe it's hard for him because he looks really angry at what they did but still nothing will change. It's still his parents and I do respect them.
"Do you want me to pretend that I didn't know anything, baby? I will look like a stupid shit."
I sniffed right away."You don't want to? Then, don't! I'm not forcing you. Talk to the air!"
"Is my baby mad? Hey, sorry. Promise, I'll do it. But in one condition." He grinned so suddenly my body hairs rose.
"W-What is it? C-Caseth... what are you up to?" I immediately stood up from the chair and walked backwards.
He cornered me on the wall, still smirking."I want a kiss. Not a peck nor a smack. They said that the best way in kissing is a torrid one. Do you like that?"
My eyes widened at what he said and I immediately averted my eyes because my cheeks were getting hot. I-I can't stand here and couldn't even bare to stare at him. Her stares seemed to be exhausting and I was dissolving.
"I-I don't... I just don't---"
He cut off my words by his deep kiss. I just closed my eyes and let him do what he did because even I was helpless. I can't control myself because he's drowning me into his kisses. His sweet lips onto mine. It’s crazy and I can’t explain how I feel right now.
"So, how do you rate my kiss?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at me.
I immediately averted my eyes because of the lack."D-Do I still need ratings? I don't know..."
"Yeah? C'mon baby, I just want to hear it from you. Rate it from 1 to 10. Please?" He holds my hand tightly, squeezing it a bit.
"Yeah, all right. It's 10, okay?" I am compelled to answer.
I saw how the side of his lips rose up and nodded, probably teasing me. It's his fault. He still knows the rate, he's just teasing me. He's just making fun of me!
We decided to go to the park like we used to be. It's around 2pm when we arrived there and we both ditched our classes. It's not a problem for me because I could no longer continue my studies unlike him. He still preferred to come with me. I want to tell him everything in this place where we both agreed to see each other.
I want to come here every day until the end of my life so that I can remember this place somehow.
"What is the sudden talk all about, baby? Is there a problem?" he asked confusingly.
I lean on his chest while measuring my hands on the sky."It's not a problem, baby. It's just about my illness and I've already told it to my parents, my friends, and Racer. I intended to tell you lastly because you're the most special someone to me."
"They already know you're sick. What did you tell them, baby? Mind if you'll go straight to the point?" He played with my hair as he asked it on me.
I let out a deep sigh, still not ready to tell him."I'm dying, Caseth. That's what I told them and I planned to tell you. I actually found it out last day."
I felt he was stunned by what I said. He stopped playing with my hair and I could feel his breathing heavily. When I turned to her I saw that she was crying so I was surprised. He hugged me so tight, not letting me go.
"B-Baby... W-What do you mean? You're just fooling me around! You won't die!" He started crying in my shoulder and it's the most painful cry I've ever heard.
I didn't expect him to cry like this after I told him that. I've known him for being a tough person but I didn't expect him to cry like this. Because of me.
I caressed my back and bit my lower lip."Baby, stop crying. The doctor said I still have one week before I---"
"N-No... P-Please, don't say it. You're not going to leave me like this. I-I already planned our future, baby. You can't just ruin it." He sobbed so I didn't stop myself from crying.
I'm already carrying him. It was too painful for me to hear her cries. T-This is the first time I've seen him like this. C-Crying and begging not to leave him. Now, I'm having a hard time leaving this world because of him.
I-I'm not really so yet. I-I'm not yet ready and I will never be.
"I still really don't want to leave you. I still wanted to live and be with you but it's very impossible to happen. The medicine doesn't work for me anymore so I'll get weaker and weaker. And all I'm wishing for is to spend all my remaing days with my family, friends, and most especially on you." I slipped out of his embrace and kissed his forehead.
"I-I can't afford to think that you will leave me. You're my life and my world. When you leave me, all my plans for the two of us will fall apart. I can't afford to lose the special person in my life. When I wake up without you, I'd rather just go back to sleep and never wake up. If I'll go anywhere, it will always remind me of you. Eating, waking up, walking, everything I will remember you. Baby, please stay with me."
He tightened his grip on my hand as if he couldn’t live without me.
I wiped his tears away and smiled bitterly."Baby, you have to forget me when time comes. You can't suffer forever because of me. If ever that... I-I can't fight anymore, please live for me. When you do that, I'll be happy."
"So, does it mean that you're still happy when time comes that you'll leave me?" he asked bitterly.
N-No... I'm not happy. Because of my happiness, I left it here. If I could just live forever with him, I will surely do it. But we're not in a fairytale that there's other way to save the love of their life.
We're in reality so all we have to do is to face the consequences and accept the outcome... wether it is painful of not.