The eyes that wanted to kill me, the eyes I see every day, the eyes that broke my heart into million pieces.
"You truly are a curse! A leech! Why?! Why did you survive?!?" Dad growled angrily at me. "If she had to die in exchange for your life, I'd rather you never lived! You took my love's life! You're a hideous monster!"
He turned his attention back to the bottled beer and drank the half-empty bottle of beer that was left on the table before crying out loud and burying his head on the table.
"P-Papa," I stuttered calling to him.
It hurts more to see my papa cry than it does to hear the hateful words he spews that sink into my already wounded heart. I grew up with Papa treating me like I was no different from trash; he only fed me because I was his obligation.
I'm used to it; I know he doesn't truly love me, and he refuses to accept me... However, I understand him. He was vexed because my mother died too soon after giving birth to me. I took my mother's life. I can't really blame him— after all, he still looks after me; giving me food and shelter even though he doesn't want to, even if it was against his will.
I tried to get closer, but he just pushed me so hard that I fell to the floor.
"It's your fault! It's your fault she's no longer with me! You're really bad luck! You're the main cause my life has turned sour!" he yelled angrily at me. "You bring nothing but misfortune!"
My tears just kept falling as I stared at my father's sharp eyes. He stood up and approached me— he then reprimanded me and choked me by the neck. I struggled with his grip and coughed up helplessly.
I can't breathe... no. Papa would not really kill me, right? Regardless of how enraged Papa is, I held out hope that I would have a place in his heart— even if it was only five percent or even one. After all, I am still his child... and Grandpa assured me that every parent loves their child.
"You should have been the one to die!" His grip tightened on me. As time passed, I was having much more trouble catching my breath. "She would've still been alive now, the woman I love the most, she would still be alive!" he sobbed. "Rather than a useless person like you!"
He slammed me to the ground. I could only whimper in pain... This was how I lived my life at home every day. Papa would become agitated and cry every night because he was heavily intoxicated.
I always had the thought that... perhaps he would be happier if I hadn't been born. Mom and Papa would be living their best life together— happy. Yet despite all these, I'm still not giving up hope. I want to see Papa's smile because I trust him. I believe in Grandpa's words, and the power of love a parent has for their children.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered repeatedly while sobbing.
I didn't want Mom to leave this world. I haven't seen Mom, but—Papa and her... I truly loved both of them. If only I had been the one who died back then. I was alarmed when a bottle was thrown next to me, injuring me and inflicting a sharp discomfort on my cheeks.
"Will your god-awful apology bring April back?! You have no right to cry! Tsk, I've only been ill-fated since you came into my life," he said before leaving.
I could only put the broken bottle away while trying to suppress my silent tears. Yes, I do not have the right to cry. Papa was completely right. Outside the house, I was startled to hear a loud noise. I dashed outside and found Papa sitting on the ground.
"Papa!" I exclaim.
Dad's lip was bleeding, so I pulled a hankie from my pocket, but he just pushed my hand away hard.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled at me.
"You owe me five months of unpaid debt, Fred. Boss is getting really angry," a man said as he lit a cigarette. "This may be your only chance. You have two options: pay us now or we will kill you."
My eyes widened as I went down on my knees and pleaded with them. "D-Don't kill Papa, I beg you."
The terrifying man locked his gaze on me for a long time before exhaling his cigarette smoke and saying. "All right, I'm not that heartless... we'll give you a chance. Instead of paying in cash for the full amount, we'll accept this house as payment, and as for the remaining balance—"
"No! I won't allow it! This is the only memory April left me!" Papa then approached me and grabbed my arm tightly, dragging me to the men trying to collect debt payments. "Take her and do whatever you want with her," he said coldly. "I can't use the house for the payment because it's more important than her life."
"Is your brain still working? What can a ten-year-old do? The boss might be happy if your daughter were a maiden, but this is a kid! Boss doesn't go for children. She'll be nothing but a burden as well," the stranger responded.
Is that just the way it is? Even if I'm only a child, as they say, I knew from this very moment that Papa was trying to sell me. But I still love him and don't want to be apart from him. Even strangers are unwilling to accept me. I can't really blame Papa for this.
"Tsk, wherever you go you're really a burden. You serve no useful purpose at all, it might have been better if you haven't survived. You're really a stroke of bad luck," Papa said bitterly.
I could feel a heavy weight pressing against my chest. All I want is to be loved by my own father, but why am I being denied even that? Why was I even born? Was I born to be punished?
I felt a sudden hard slap on my cheek. "Wake up, idiot! Oh, wait, I can't believe I'm calling Elena an idiot! This is mortifying!"
Elena? Whose voice is that? What am I doing? What's the deal with the darkness? What happened to Papa? Where's Papa?
"I feel smart, am I right, Misty?"
"Could you please stop, Winter? You're annoying!"
I blinked my eyes open and that's when I realized I'd only been dreaming. A bitter and painful memory of the past I had almost forgotten.
"This is the first time I've seen you weep; are you having nightmares about Luke? I never expected you to cry so hard. So you do have a heart!" Misty said in shock.
Never cry? The real Elena is not a robot, she is also a human being— capable of having emotions and even crying. Why do they make Elena look like she has a heart of stone? Is that why she was distant to everyone?
"What were you dreaming about?" Winter asked without emotion.
"That's invading privacy, Winter. And I told you it's about Luke, well not like Elena would ever tell us her dream," Winter's sarcastic response
The door swung open, revealing Grandma Diane. Her eyes were chilly— void of emotion. It was as if she was scanning my mind.
"Uh-oh. I guess it's bye-bye for us now Winter," Misty whispered softly then pulled Winter out.
"I didn't waste my time creating this kind of Elena. I have thought that you countless times that no matter what or who you're up against. Don't risk exposing your frailty," Grandma Diane said angrily.
She slapped me so hard that I couldn't help but cup my throbbing cheek. Is it like this? Is this how Elena lives? Is this the compensation for having a life of a dream, like hers?
What makes us different then? We are both miserable and have no control over our own lives.
"Wipe those tears, you are a disgrace to Perez; don't tarnish the Perez name any further," Grandma Diane said authoritatively as she slammed the door shut.