Deanara Samaniego’s POV
“Look here, babe!” Gray called, which made me instantly turn my back.
He was holding a video recorder while smiling at me.
“Why are you filming me?” I raised my brow and pouted, trying to make myself cute in front of the camera when all I wanted was to actually hit him in his face and to break up with him.
I want to break up with him and tell him how hurt I am right now while he is there...standing in front of me like nothing happened, like he didn’t do anything. He was acting like everything was okay, but no...it’s now. How could he act like that? How could he pretend he loves me when he is not done yet loving Vivian? What am I here? Just someone to prove the world that he’s already over with Vivian?
“Why? Am I not allowed to film you?” He pouted. “You are beautiful, babe! Smile~” He grinned as he continued to film me while we were walking the path near the temple.
I looked at my feet as I carefully walked onto the stones. I smiled a bit and lifted my face when I felt tears falling in my eyes. I have been trying to enjoy this whole trip because I don’t want to ruin it. This is our first out-of-the country trip and probably will be the last.
I want to create a lot of happy memories with him because after this, I would leave him and never come back. I know it was rude for me not to say something, but I don’t owe him any explanation when he was the one who betrayed me first. He was the first one who ruined us and I don’t think he deserves any explanation when he kept all these things from me.
He had all the opportunity to tell it to my face now and I would accept it, but he continued to be like that. I hate how he could still manage to look me in the eyes and pretend that everything was okay. He was smiling. He was whispering I love you in my ears every minute and I am starting to hate it.
Now, I could see this surprise as a peace offering because he did something wrong. He was hiding his mistakes from me, trying to convince me he loved me by doing all of these. Why can’t he just say it? Why does he have to do this?
“Gray…” I bit my lower lip and sighed.
“Hmm?” He raised his brow as he stopped filming me.
I looked him in the eye and again I didn’t say it. Instead, I told him, “I love you.”
He chuckled. “I love you, babe!”
He leaned closer to give me a kiss on my forehead. My heart felt the pain behind those words. I closed my fist when he hugged me and I was about to hit in his face. Rather, I kissed him. I fucking kiss him because I want to feel his lips even though I am not the only one kissing and even holding him. Damn!
“Hey, is there any problem?”
I shook my head.
“I am just happy,” I held his hand. “This is our first trip outside the country and I am so happy you are here with me.”
He kissed the back of my palm and smiled at me, like he used to, those smiles that could make my heart melt instantly.
“I am always here for you, babe.” He confirmed. “I am not going to leave you.”
Indeed, as I will be the one to leave him. I will be the one to walk away from his relationship, giving him freedom to do what he wants because he doesn’t have any balls to do it himself. Why is he making it hard for us, and even for Ethan?
Ethan would definitely hate me for keeping this from him, but I have to save myself. I want to confront Gray, but I am afraid I’ll fall for his words again, so it would be better for me to leave him without saying anything. I don’t need any explanation because I have the proof for that. And, I am terrified because he might choose Vivian if I asked him to. I would lose myself if I hang onto him a little longer. He’s no longer healthy for me.
“Thank you, Gray.” I whispered.
“Of course,” He caressed my cheeks and kissed my forehead. “Come, let’s go to the beach.”
He held my hand using his free hand, while his other hand was still filming us. I made my face cheerful and tried hard to show happiness in my face even though I am already dying inside. There were moments, while walking, that I wanted to stop for a moment and to just run away, but I gathered all my strengths and continued pretending I am okay.
“What did you wish for?” Gray curiously asked me.
We are now sitting inside the bus going to the beach, our last destination, after we have explored every temple in each town and city. He was still holding his video camera capturing the beautiful town of Cambodia while the bus was moving. His free hand was still holding my other hand while I leaned to his shoulder.
“Why would you want to know?” I stuck my tongue. “It’s a secret.”
“Well, you can share your secret with me. I am your boyfriend.” He grinned.
“You can share your secrets with me, too. I am your girlfriend.” I fired back, hoping he would realize I am talking about him and Vivian.
I fucking hate that woman and how could she wake up everyday knowing he’d been playing with Ethan’s feeling. Ethan doesn’t deserve this. We both don’t deserve this. We need a love that will cherish us forever.
“You know, all I want is to build a family with you.” Gray softly said as he dropped the video recorder in his lap.
I moved and glanced at him. He was staring blankly outside and for a moment I was so afraid of the words that he’s going to say next. I have a lot of things that I want to say. There’s a lot of things that’s also going on inside my mind which made me realize that maybe I wasn’t the only one thinking of leaving us after this.
What if this is his goodbye and after this he would choose Vivian? What if he just made me happy today because it would be rude for him to just break my heart? Damn! I couldn’t help, but think about it.
What is he really choosing Vivian? What am I going to do? Surely, I would love that because I have also decided to leave him. But, I don’t think I could handle that. I don’t think I could move on from that.
No. He shouldn’t say something. No. I don’t want him to say something. All I want is for this day to end peacefully. I want this day to be one of those happy memories he would always look back to whenever he misses me. It cannot be the day that would both kill us.
“What are you thinking, Gray?” I asked him. My heart was beating so fast as I prayed he wouldn’t say what I was thinking.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. I turned the other way for him not to see the tears slowly dripping from my face. I coughed as I gasped for air. Is this it? Is he going to break my heart now? Well, he was already breaking it apart.
“And, I love you.” I told him.
He smiled at me as he kissed my forehead.
“Come, let’s go. This is already our destination.” He pulled my wrist and motioned the bus driver to stop.
The bus automatically stopped and opened the door. I smelled fresh air upon dropping off the bus. From a distance, I could hear the waves.
“We’re going to the beach?” I chuckled a bit. Well, I have been wanting to go to the beach for a while.
“We are not only going to the beach.” He meaningfully told me. “I know you are not fond of sunsets, but I can do it again later when the sun rises.”
“What do you mean by that?” I looked at him, confused.
Just then, the staff of the beach resort approached us, handing Gray a scarf.
“What’s that for?”
“Surprise.” He made me turn as he tied the scarf around my eyes.
“Wait...what is this?” I panicked as he guided me inside the beach resort.
“A birthday surprise.”
“Tomorrow is my birthday.” I told him. “What is this?”
He chuckled as he continued to guide me to whatever surprise he had under his sleeves. I want to be happy right now, but I couldn’t. It just means that he’s not going to break my heart. Instead, I am going to break his heart. He doesn’t intend to tell the truth to me, and what is this? He would still continue to lie? Ugh! What is happening?
I have a hint, but I tried to remove it from my mind because I no longer know what to do. I am now torn between leaving or continuing our relationship. We could just lie to each other. I could just pretend that I don’t know anything and probably run away from him. However, my mother will never sit tight and watch me do as I pleased.
And, I would never want Ethan to suffer like that. I would tell him everything after I leave Gray behind. He needs to know the truth. Before Gray, I have Ethan and there were moments when I thought that maybe everything would be definitely great and amazing if I had chosen Ethan before.
“Are you ready?”
I gulped the lump in my throat. I know what this is and I am still praying I am not thinking what I am thinking. He wouldn’t do it that fast. We’ve been together for months, not years, so he wouldn’t think about that. It’s too early to do that.
However, when he removed the scarf around my face I knew I was right.
I didn’t immediately open my eyes as I was afraid to see what he had prepared for me. I was terrified of the words that would be coming out of my mouth. I am scared that I might run away from this moment or I might give myself to him again.
“You can now open your eyes.”
My hands were shaking and my feet were starting to feel numb and lose their balance. My sight was still blurred when I opened it. Although, I saw Gray standing next to me. He was smiling at me waiting for me to adjust until the whole place became clear to me.
“How’s the sunset?”
I stood there in awe as the sun slowly set, finally kissing the ocean. Gray was glowing beneath the purple sky. He was like a statue that was built by the most famous sculpture that had ever lived.
I cupped my mouth as I turned around. Oh my gosh! I cannot believe this.
“I rented the whole place for the both of us, so we are the only ones here.” He smiled at me. “Don’t you like it? Why are you not saying anything?”
My lips were trembling and I could no longer stop my tears.
“Hey, why are you crying? Don’t you like my surprise?”
I shook my head.
“I loved it.”
I fucking loved it that seeing it made me think twice again. It made me forget that I hate him and for once I wanted to say yes to him. I know what’s after this. I know what’s behind this petals scattered on the sand, the candle lit dinner near the shore, the lanterns surrounding us, the wine, the lights, and everything. I know that he’s going to kneel in front of me now.
And, I was fucking right.
“Deanara…” He held my hand and slowly kneeled down, not cutting his gaze in my eyes that’s now clouded with tears.
“Hey, don’t cry.” He pouted. “But, you still look beautiful when you cry and I hope that’s tears of joy because…” He pulled something out of his pocket before glancing at me again.
“Will you be my happily ever after, Deanara Louise Samaniego?” He opened the small box and from therein I saw a ring glittering with diamonds.
“Marry me.”
Oh my gosh! I held out on my chest and sobbed.
Why? Why does he have to do it? Why is he doing this?
“Gray…” I shook my head and chuckled.
Well, I am going crazy right now. I am going crazy because instead of rejecting him, I accepted the ring.
“Yes, of course.”
Gray widened his lips and I saw the happiness in his eyes as he put the ring in my ring finger. He stood up and hugged me.
“You just made me the happiest guy on earth.” He whispered as he gave me small kisses around my face. “I love you.”
“I love you.” I hugged him tight.
And, I am so sorry...I wanted to tell him that but didn’t.
We continued to spend the rest of the hour, talking about all the details of our wedding. Well, he was the one who did the talking while I looked at him and watched him become so happy because honestly...I just gave him false hope.
I would probably regret it tomorrow. I will regret all of this tomorrow.
“Want to spend some time outside again? Let’s watch the stars.” Gray offered after he went out of the shower.
I was standing next to the glass door with my robe as I already finished taking the shower ahead of him. When I turned around, he was half-naked while he wiping his hair with a towel.
I admired his chest down to his stomach. Damn! He was so fucking hot that I could no longer help myself.
“Or are you tired? Do you want to sleep?”
I shook my head and shoved the curtain covering the glass door.
“I want to do something else.” I said.
“What?” Gray asked, confused.
I slowly removed my robe until it fell down to the floor, revealing my naked body.
Gray’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened as he immediately turned his back.
“D-damn!” He cursed and I could feel his breathing was no longer stable. I turned him on. Well, that’s great because I would really hate him if Vivian is the only one who could turn him on.
“W-what are you doing, babe?” He clicked his tongue. “Get dressed now. I am going to the bathroom again so--” He stopped when I hugged him from behind.
“Fuc! Deanara!” He yelled a little. “What are you doing?”
“Fuck me!” It sounded desperate but I don’t care.
“Marry me first. Let’s go to the church and --”
“Why don’t you want to do it?” I impatiently said. I definitely loved to hear those words from him because it means that he respect me, but how come he did it with Vivian and he couldn’t just do it with me? What’s with Vivian?
“Make love to me.”
Gray turned, without looking at me, he grabbed the robe from the floor and put it from my back as he hugged me from behind. I felt his manhood on my waist as he breathe really hard.
“Don’t tempt me, okay?” He whispered. “Don’t make something you’ll regret later. Let’s get married first and after that you can marry me all the way-”
I turned my back. “Why don’t you want to do it with me?”
I hissed.
“Why do you have to wait? Are you doing it with another girl, that's why you don’t want to do it with me?”
Gray wagged his head. “Of course not. I am just thinking about it. Are you ready to do it? Do you want to do it with me?” I stopped him by kissing him.
He pulled me away. “Deanara…” He warned me.
I smiled. I might regret it later, but it’s now too late to get those words back.
“Make love to me.” I softly whispered.
He stared at me for a moment until he pulled me closer and sealed my lips. We kissed for a minute until we both fell on the bed. His hands were caressing my back and it’s amazing how instantly he was able to unlock my undergarments. Well, he’s Gray and he probably did it a lot of times with Vivian.
“You really want to do this?” He breathed against my ears and I nodded.
Gray rolled his hips on my womanhood making me arch my hips and I moaned at the contact of his manhood pressing against my pelvis.
He kissed my forehead, turned the lamp on the bed side table before unbuttoning my shirt. He buried his face at the crook of my neck inhaling my scent and it made me turn on. Although, my mind was thinking if this is how he also does it with Vivian. Ugh!I hate that bitch!
I moaned as Gray sucked my skin, making me close my eyes and groaned in pleasure. He kept sucking my skin painfully but pleasurably leaving love bites everywhere.
Gray gently played his tongue against my skin until he found my breast and sucked it like a baby. I felt his hot breath on my skin making my back arch, wanting to feel his tongue on me even more. So, this is how it feels to have him like this. I want more of him inside me.
He trailed his tongue around my nipple, sucked it, making me crazy. Ugh! I brushed his air against my finger as he licked my stomach going down to my belly button near my womanhood. He slowly pulled my skirt and underwear until it was his hot breath that I could feel in the middle of my legs.
“Oh fuck!” I groaned upon feeling his tongue in me. I wrapped my legs around his neck pulling him more into me.
My head was driving me crazy as he sucked on my clit twirling it around his tongue. I covered my mouth, but couldn’t stop myself from moaning.
He grabbed both of my ass bringing me more closer to me while still sucking my clit. I heard him chuckled as he continued playing with my clit. And, I frustratingly looked at him when he stop.
“Wait up,” He winked as he removed his pants revealing his manhood. Fuck! Can I handle that?
“Gray…” I breathed in as I hugged him.
He went on top of me and whispered, “This might hurt a little bit, but I promise to be gentle.”
I nodded and trusted him. I have been trusting him even though he continued to betray me. How ironic would that be?
“Ready, babe?” He said as he positioned himself.
“I love you,” I whispered and bit my lower lip when he slowly thrust inside me.
“I love you, too.” He told me as we spent the rest of the night making love.