Deanara Samaniego’s POV
When I was kid, I dreamt of a fairy tale love story with slow motion butterflies in the stomach. You know, I grew up reading fairy tale books and even imagining I am one of the princesses waiting for a prince or a knight in shining armour.
As time passed by, I’ve realized there’s no such thing as a fairy tale. Surely, love would give you jittery feelings, heart beats that’s faster than a racing car, or a fleeting feeling. I’ve felt all of that, but fairy tales forget to tell us that not all stories will have a happy ending. I mean, fairy tales are dark and sometimes I regret not reading the real darkness of a fairy tale.
I don’t need to read it anymore to know that fairy tales aren’t real. I already learned that we are the master of our own happy endings. It’s ironic how I can write thousands of happy endings, but I couldn’t even write my own even after knowing that I am the pilot of my own happy ending. But, how could I write one when there’s an evil witch trying to ruin my happy ending.
Well, I let go of those thoughts and went back to reality after writing some chapters of my story. That’s the only thing that keeps me sane as of the moment, with so many things running inside my mind. I don’t even know what to do first. Although, I know, but I am afraid that the thing that I am going to choose will be my greatest regret. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and cry because I’ve chosen the wrong decisions. I want to be sure that I could face people with a smile on my face and say that I am happy.
Honestly, it’s easy. I know my choice, but I am torn by the consequences that the world will give me after choosing certain decisions. Whatever it be would still cause me a lot of things and also people.
But...what can I do? This is life and I just have to go with the flow. How unfair, right?
“Did you already pack your things?” My mother went inside my room and hissed upon learning I haven’t touched any of my things.
“I am not packing, mother.” I told her.
“What do you mean you are not packing?”
“I intend to leave my things here.” I smiled a bit. “I don’t need them. Remember, I can buy all these things back home.”
But the truth is, I want to leave them here so I have a reason to come here...in this place. And, I don’t want Lyuna to be sad when she checks my room and my things were gone. At least, leaving my things here would remind her that I am still around...just miles apart from her.
“Good.” My mother nodded. “I expect you to stay at the hotel instead of here and will you please use a car instead of commuting.” She ordered me.
“Okay.”
I closed my laptop and put it in my bag. I only have my backpack to put all the important things that I need. I don’t need much. I don’t ask for much, either, just a peace of mind I am not getting.
I glanced at my room for one last time before I followed my mother. Lyuna is still in the university since the work has already started. I left a note in her room and promised a concert ticket to see her favorite band. I owed her a lot, so she deserves that. I am going to miss her and this place...everything about this city. I should not have made this my home because it gives me so much pain that I have to leave now.
“I have a question.” I asked my mother who stopped opening the door.
“Better be worthy of my time.” She didn’t look at me.
“Have you ever experienced being torn between two guys? I mean...you know whom you’re going to choice, but you have to choose --”
“Didn’t we talk about this?” She glared at me. “You are going to marry Mattel and you are going to say goodbye to Gray now.”
“You talked about it without consulting me.” I bitterly replied. “Until now, Mom, you haven’t told me the reason why you don’t want Gray. I mean, I know how you loved to decide for me, but it’s the first time that you didn’t give me what I wanted. You make decisions for me and I’ve seen all those decisions better than my own, so I have never once questioned them. But…” My eyes were teary as I spoke.
I bit my lower lip and sighed.
“Right now, I can't understand why?” I pleaded with her to at least tell me, so I would have any idea as to why she doesn’t want Gray for me.
“You must have a valid reason as to why you don’t want him for me. What’s that? Make me understand why no matter how much I cried or even pleaded in front of you...you’re not listening to me.”
I broke into tears. I’ve been keeping those tears hoping they will not fall down, but they betrayed me again and I hate how I kept on crying.
I know my mother and she won’t do something that would ruin me. Since then, she’s only thinking of what’s best for me. Never once did I realize she’s controlling me because all the things she had done for me were really the one I deserve. She controlled my life and my decisions, but I didn’t complain because compared to my decisions and choices, she has the best one for me. And, she also listens to me. She cares. She just wants me to be happy and to have a peace of mind.
Yet...now...it changes.
It was like I no longer know her because no matter how much I told her that it’s Gray...she won’t listen to me. Before, she would listen and even try to get to know him before she decides. That is why right now, I don’t know what’s keeping her from meeting Gray.
“Why do you want me to marry Mattel?” I asked her again. “It isn’t because he was sick and our family’s business already merged. It’s not that, right? It’s not only that…” I concluded.
I have learned from Mikee that our business merges with Mattel’s family businesses and so they are partners now which would make our company even stronger. That is great but they are asking me to marry him. If this was before, I would probably be the luckiest girl on earth. Now, no...it’s Gray.
I spent days thinking what my heart or who my heart truly desires and it would forever be Gray. It’s clear to me now and it’s my mother who’s making it vague for me. She kept on giving me sketchy words that would make me skeptical about Gray. I hate that I don’t have any idea what she's learned about Gray, that she doesn't want me to marry him.
“It’s Mattel’s last wish. You are aware of that now, right?” My mother said, not answering my question.
Of course, I am aware of that. Mattel’s heart and lungs are failing him now and from what I have heard even heart transplant would not make him better. I was not aware of that before because Mattel’s seems perfectly fine, but who knows, right? People are good at hiding their pain. And, I felt sorry for not realizing it. I never watched his concerts or even his interviews before and as I watched them now, I regret not looking out for him even from afar because I’ve noticed how he was faking his happiness. After his dating scandal, I never checked on him. And, it’s just sad that I have to know it now. Surely, I want him to be happy on his last day and make his wish of spending his time with me until his last breath, but I don’t want to fake my love for him. I don’t want to marry him because I pity him.
There’s still love but that love is not enough for me to stay with him. I care for him as a friend now and I am willing to visit, check him, but it would be as a friend because it’s Gray. And, I don’t want to make Gray feel like he is my second choice because he will always be my choice.
“Why make me marry him? I can just take care of him as a friend and--”
“This isn’t about Mattel.” My mother finally spoke. “I can let you marry any other guy if you want to, even if it’s not Mattel, but not Gray. Not him, and not another Elizalde!” I saw the pain that crossed my mother’s eyes upon saying that.
“What do you mean by that, mother?” I looked at her.
She hid her emotions and looked away as she gasped for air.
“The driver is waiting for us.”
“Tell me! I deserve to know the reason!” I yelled my voice because of frustration. “At least, you owe me that. You need to tell me why because if you are not going to tell me why then I am going to believe that you are just trying to--”
“He will hurt you.”
“What?” I blinked. “What are you trying to say? Gray’s a great man and…”
“He is going to hurt you. Not now, but soon, he’s going to…”
“Who are you to say that he’s going to hurt me?”
“Aren’t you aware he’s cheating on you?”
I blinked. I gulped the lump on my throat as my mind tried to load the information.
“You are kidding, right? Gray’s not cheating…” I assured her. “If this is about Vivian, they are already done.”
“Are you sure of that? How sure are you when it seems to me that they still feel the same for each other.”
I was speechless. I told myself that this issue about Vivian and Gray is already done and we had clarified it, but the moment my mother threw photographs of Vivian and Gray on the floor...I realized that this issue wouldn’t stop unless Vivian disappeared from our life.
“Isn’t it ironic how Gray wanted you to stay away from Mattel, but he can’t stay away from Vivian?” My mother mocked me. “And, did he tell you that they still have a project together?”
“Y-yeah…”
My heart was beating so hard inside my chest. I felt like somehow I poured cold water on my body, making me numb. Okay, I should not overthink. My mother might want me to believe things for me to agree with her. Yeah, she might be doing that.
“He’s lying. The project was already done, but look at the pictures…”
“It’s not recent pictures,” I defended Gray. “We cleared this.”
“It might not be the most recent pictures, but I got all of that during your relationship with Gray. Do you really think I would allow you to do your thing here without looking out for you?”
“They’re friends.”
“Look at the photographs, my dear…” My mother shook her head. “Those eyes...the look in their eyes...do you think it’s the look of love for a friend?”
I looked at those photographs and closed my eyes because for one second, I thought that Gray was betraying me. And, I no longer know what to believe.
“It’s just pictures, Mom.”  I said, still trying to defend Gray.
My mother laughed. “Oh, my dear. Do you want a video?”
“You’re joking, mother. You are just trying to ruin us so I can marry Mattel.” I stared at her and was terrified when she seriously looked at me. I know that look, it’s real. She’s not kidding me.
I looked down. “Still…”
I bit my lower lip as tears fell from my eyes.
“It’s past, mother. We’ve already moved on from that and I know Gray loves me, Mom! You have to believe in me!” I pleaded. “He loves me and I don’t want him to be defined by his past. It’s done, Mother. You would like him if you met him. Please, give him a chance!” I urged her.
“You’re old enough to know, Deanara. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe, but you can never convince me that Gray will not hurt you...maybe not now...but in the future…”
“You’re pessimistic, mother. Gray loves me. They’re over.”
“Are you trying to convince yourself now or you want me to show a video--”  I stopped my mother.
“Why are you like that? I said it’s in the past!” I yelled and my mother just stared at me.
“Why are you sure that he’s going to hurt me? You don’t even know him!”
“I know his father.”
That made me speechless. I stared at my mother who now tears in her eyes.
“What do you mean by that?”
She bitterly smiled.
“He’ll hurt you like how his father hurted me.”
I blinked.
My mother left me alone. I stood there staring blankly at the wall.
It took me another minute before I fully understood everything. I don’t know the whole story about them, but she’s trying to jump to conclusions. It’s not good to compare the sin of his father to his son. Gray isn’t doing anything. Well, I have to confirm that.
“Where are you going?” My mother who was waiting outside asked as I went to my car.
“Let me talk to Gray and clarify all those accusations.”
“He will not tell the truth.”
“Let me be the judge, mother.”
“I am warning you, Deanara.” She glared at me. “We need to go back to Spain.”
“I know,” I nodded. “But, I hope you would forgive me if I found the courage to run away with Gray.”
I didn’t let her finish and drove to Gray’s condominium unit. I am not sure if he’s there right now since we haven’t talked after he started a fight with Mattel. I am not favoring Mattel, but what he did was inappropriate. He should have let Mattel go. What he did added to the lists of why my mother hated Gray. Ugh! I hate being impulsive at times.
“Gray…” I stopped.
The door was left ajar when I arrived. Some music was playing inside, so I know Gray is there. I didn’t call for him since I wanted to surprise him and I even bought some food.
I was removing my shoes when I noticed heels on the shoe shelves and it isn’t mine since I don’t wear one.
I tried to ignore the heaviness crawling inside my chest. But, it grew deeper when I heard Vivian.
“I am a month pregnant, Gray.”
I cupped my mouth in surprise as tears automatically fell from my eyes.
“What do you mean you're a month pregnant?” Gray asked.
The music may be loud, but I could still hear it clearly and it’s breaking my heart. I slowly moved backward, ready to run but somehow felt numb.
“Why are you telling me that?”
“You’re the father of my child.”
Gray faked a laugh. “You’re joking.”
“I am not. You know what happened to us last month and since then Ethan and I have--”
Last month? Is this what my mother was telling me? Something happened to them last month?
Oh my gosh! I inhaled and exhaled. I wanted to create a scene or at least slap Gray or pick a fight with Vivian...but I stood there and laughed at myself for being stupid. Damn!
“Are you sure about that?” Gray seemed to be panicking right now from his voice which made me feel something really happened to them.
“You know, nothing hap--”
I heaved.
Damn! My tears won’t stop as I slowly go out of his unit. I have no place in there, so why would I stay?
I can’t believe I will leave the country with a heavy heart.
Well, mother knows best, right?