[ Bella's Point of View ]
For the first time in my life, I felt really frustrated with myself. Since day one, Niana was already acting suspiciously, and I never gave much attention to it because I was so focused on having someone beside me.
I thought I needed no one, but why did I let my guard down?
And now, I couldn't even confront her. Why, Bella? Do I already see her as a friend?
I turned a blind eye to every red flag she's been showing because I was too focused on her treating me as a friend.
But no, even if she is Niana, the person who was by my side all the time, if she gets into my way, I'll get rid of her.
There's nothing I should be worrying about. If I find out Niana's really been betraying me, it's her end.
Letting my guard down once is enough. I won't let it happen again. Not this time, and not in the future.
...
"What are your hobbies?" Ivan asked.
We are now in a library in town. Ivan brought me here for a date.
"Frankly, I love reading," I replied. Reading is the only activity I find entertaining and exciting. Other activities don't satisfy me much.
"I also love reading. What are your favorite genres?"
"Uhm, crime, and mystery. Sometimes, I also think science fiction is a pretty good genre."
"I love romance."
"It's a lame genre."
"What? It's not!"
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't!"
We bickered about better genres, and I realized I wasn't myself.
"Okay, all genres are acceptable," I said, finishing the debate.
"Right. Would you mind?" He handed me a book of poems. Does he want me to read him?
After that, I sat down on the floor and leaned on the bookshelf wall. Ivan lay down on my lap and closed his eyes. I slightly flinched because of his sudden action.
I opened the hard bounded book and read the first page.
'And in the end
I will seek you
Out amongst
The stars.
The space dust
Of me will
Whisper
I love you
Into the infinity
Of the universe.'
I looked at Ivan, smiling while his eyes were closed. I flipped the next page of the book and started reading again.
'It was you
it was me
it was the silence
underneath the stars
that understood
my heartbeat
and it is racing.
You told me nothing.
I believed everything.
In that moment
I found life
In that moment
I found you.'
These words of art are striking deep into the soul. I wonder what writers feel when they write. Do they express their emotions? Or do they write what emotions they want to feel?
"You have a really nice voice, Bella," Ivan complimented me and sat down.
"I just read the first two pages of this book. I don't really feel like reading romance, you know?" I replied and placed the book back on the shelf.
"Bella, can you love me?" I heard Ivan mumble in a low but gentle voice. He moved closer to me and touched my face.
"Uh, that's a hard thing to answer," I replied and acted like I was about to grab a book from the shelves again.
"What if I say, all this time, I've fallen in love with you already?" He uttered.
I stopped racing my fingers through the books inhaled heavily. No way would happen. He probably just said that to make a fool out of me.
"You will never fall in love with me, okay?" I refuted.
"Why did you date me if you don't like me, Bella?" He asked again.
"Well, that's because I'm curious what it feels to date. I'm not interested in you in particular, but I find being with you comfortable. I guess it will take much more time for me to like you back if you really like me," I replied.
"Then, I'll do whatever it takes for you to fall."
Huh, really? Let's see.
...
Months passed, and I noticed a change in Ivan's actions towards me. I'm not an assuming brat, but his actions are becoming more genuine.
Of course, I won't falter. Ivan is probably doing it on purpose.
Every day, Ivan visits me in the dorm. He either brings me food or desserts. Sometimes, he would bring plushies and signature bags. I realized I barely even knew him. Where was he from, what job did his parents have, and his favorite meal? I never knew anything about him.
We've been dating for five months, and I think it's not normal to not know anything about him at all.
"Bella, you must be thinking about something really deep in there. What are you thinking?" Niana asked me while she was drawing a portrait of a celebrity.
These days, Niana and I haven't been talking much. Since she's also in a different class from me now, we're always apart.
"Nothing," I replied and glared at her.
"Tell me more about your relationship with Ivan," Niana said and looked at me with enthusiasm in her eyes. Man, this girl is so invested in our relationship. If she wants Ivan, she can have him herself.
"Don't you want to go on and find a date too instead of sticking your nose in other people's relationship?" I responded and lay down on the couch while hugging one of the bunny plushies Ivan gave me.
"Oh, Bella, if only I can date someone who likes me too," she mumbled with a slight pain in her voice.
"Who's that guy?" I asked.
It wouldn't probably be Jameson since that guy is one of the dead already. Unless she sees ghosts.
"Nevermind, Bella, you don't know him."
How dare she reply to me like that?
"Come on, you have to tell me who that guy is so we can ask him to reciprocate your feelings," I said jokingly.
"Really? You can't force someone to like you," she replied with an unbothered look plastered on her face.
Wow, is this really Niana? Someone might've possessed her.
"Then point him a gun. Don't tell me he still wouldn't like you back if that happens."
"I'm not a psycho like you."
"Ah, never mind. Just adore that guy from afar if that's what you want. Why don't you at least confess? You know, research shows that most of the people who confess their feelings to their crush has more chances of their crushes liking them back?"
"That's not true. I confessed before, and the guy said he can't like me back because he has someone in his heart," she replied without even looking at me.
"Forget it then. You can't do anything if that's the case," I said and squeezed the bunny plushie.
"If you were me, Bella, what would you do?"
I opened my eyes again and looked at Niana. Now, she's looking at me too.
"Hmm, I have no idea since I haven't liked someone yet," I responded.
"What about Ivan? What if he suddenly says one day that he likes someone and doesn't like you anymore?"
"Then it's up to him. I won't stop him either if he wants to break up with me."
"Come on, Bella, do you like Ivan or not?"
"Neither."
"What if it's Jameson? What if you're dating Jameson, and he says he doesn't want you anymore?"
I felt like a bucket of ice was thrown at me. What's with her mind? Why is she talking about Jameson again? Is she really that obsessed that she won't move on even the person has passed away?
"Why are you bringing up Jameson again? Didn't we say last time that we shouldn't talk about him already?" I said and calmly stood up from the couch.
"I'm going to my room. Good night, Niana."
"No, wait! Answer my question first."
Eh? Why is she so infuriated about it.
Oh, come on, Niana. What are you up to?
"Well, if I were Jameson's girlfriend and I like him so much, and he likes another woman..." I stared at Niana, who was patiently waiting for my answer.
"I will let him go," I said.
There was a hint of unsatisfaction on Niana's face. It's like she was expecting a different answer from me.
"Okay," she simply replied and went back to drawing again.
I shrugged my shoulders and marched inside my room. Honestly, what I said to her was my genuine answer. If Jameson was still alive and I liked him, but he doesn't like me back, I wouldn't force myself to him. It's not like he deserves a psycho like me anyway.
I sighed and covered myself with my blanket. I remembered the days when we were young. He was always there for me whenever I needed him.
I was about to close my eyes, but I saw a figure of a man at my window. I focused my gaze and squinted my eyes. When the man realized I was about to come towards him, he suddenly vanished.
"What the heck?! You won't show yourself to me again? Are you planning to kill me at this hour? Come on, give it all your best!" I screamed as I opened the window. I looked around, but there were no traces of a guy.
What a stalker. I locked my window and went back to my bed.
I can't help but think about everything that's happening to me. I can't believe I forgot about the serial killer who was planning to kill me not until I saw someone at my window again.
All of a sudden, that killer stopped attacking me. I wonder what that person is up to. Probably finding another way to kill me?
What have I done to that killer anyway?
I looked at my phone as I realized Ivan had messaged me something.
Ivan: Good night, Bella. I hope you have a good rest.
Me: Good night.