Kieran, at the tender age of eleven, found himself drawn to boys, and initially struggled to comprehend his own feelings, leaving him with a sense of alienation and self-doubt. However, as time passed, he came to a gradual realization and acceptance of his true self.
Despite his growing self-awareness, Kieran was acutely aware of the disapproval of his father towards his sexual orientation. Being gay was considered taboo in his family, which made Kieran cautious about expressing his true identity.
Moreover, Kieran's father had become increasingly stern with both Kieran and his brother Arthit, which made Kieran even more fearful of revealing his true self.
His Das Mr. Pornthip strictly forbids them from making friends with homosexual children. He doesn't understand his daddy and his rule governing sexuality.
His father told them that homosexuals are plagues, and morbid, who promote sin in society. Mr. Pornthip strictly checked the classmates of his sons if he suspected that there was a student who is gay and if a teacher was always talking about sexual orientation and preferences. Mr. Pornthip will immediately transfer his sons to another school. He hates people who embed gayness into his sons' young minds.
Throughout the annals of the Suttiprapha family's history, there had never been a recorded instance of homosexuality.
Regrettably, Kieran found himself at odds with this tradition, as he came to the realization that he was possibly the first bisexual member of his family.
He was acutely aware of the potential consequences of his sexual orientation, particularly if his father were to discover the truth.
Despite his father, Mr. Pornthip, providing Kieran with everything he desired, Kieran knew that his father's support would evaporate if he were to discover Kieran's secret.
The mere thought of being ostracized and branded a pariah was a source of distress for Kieran, and he knew that his father's love and respect could quickly transform into hatred and disgust.
Kieran had come to understand that sexuality was not a choice and that one could be born gay or bisexual. Some individuals may realize their true identity later in life, while others may experience a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment as young as seven years old. However, there are those who must endure the pain of being ridiculed and shamed by others for expressing their true selves.
Kieran was overjoyed the day he embraced his sexuality, feeling a sense of uniqueness and distinction. He knew that there was nothing wrong with his gender identity and that he should never have to apologize or feel ashamed for who he was.
During his formative years, Kieran developed a deep understanding of the intricacies of intimate love and the emotions that come with it. This knowledge wasn't solely gleaned from surreptitiously watching romantic films, but also from his own personal experience of falling in love with his close friend Hardin.
Kieran's affection for Hardin was all-encompassing, as he cherished every aspect of his friend's being. Despite this, Hardin remained oblivious to Kieran's feelings and the fact that Kieran yearned for a lifelong commitment with him. Despite the intensity of Kieran's emotions, he knew that the prospect of their love being reciprocated was seemingly unattainable.
Society has long held the belief that romantic love between two boys is morally objectionable and deviant behavior. However, for those who experience such emotions, it can be an overpowering and all-consuming force that cannot be easily ignored or suppressed.
For Kieran, his love for Hardin is the very essence of his being. Hardin's image dominates his thoughts day and night, and Kieran cannot help but feel a rush of intense emotions every time he is in Hardin's presence. Despite the societal disapproval that surrounds their relationship, Kieran cannot deny the powerful attraction he feels for Hardin, which is only reinforced when they spend time together in the privacy of Hardin's room.
"Pee?"
"Khrub?" Hardin stopped what he was doing solving the puzzle and looked up to meet Kieran's gaze. They are currently inside his room.
"Excuse me, would you mind if I inquire if you have ever experienced the emotion of love?" Kieran hesitated to ask the question, feeling somewhat bashful. He interrupted Hardin who was engrossed in solving a puzzle, and the two of them were presently situated within Hardin's quarters.
Hardin paused, noticing Kieran's curious expression, and allowed himself a small smile. "You're still quite young, my dear friend,"
Hardin let out a thoughtful breath, contemplating Kieran's question. Kieran couldn't help but feel uneasy, wondering what Hardin's response would be. Would he reveal that he was currently in love with someone else? And if he did, how would Kieran react? The silence in the room was palpable, broken only by the sound of their breathing.
Finally, Hardin spoke. "Love is a complex emotion, Kieran. It's different for everyone. For me, it's like having a constant companion who understands and accepts me completely, flaws and all. It's having someone who makes me feel safe, supported, and cherished."
Kieran listened intently, his mind racing with the possibilities of what love could be. But then, Hardin turned the question back on him. "And what about you, Kieran? Are you in love?"
Kieran hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was in love with Hardin, his best friend. He knew that society might not approve, and he didn't want to risk damaging their friendship. Kieran was scared with his thoughts, what if Hardin is one of those people who hate bisexual or gay, who hates two men in love?
"Love is complex, isn't it?" Kieran spoke up, breaking the silence. "It's not always straightforward, and it can be hard to know what the right thing to do is."
Hardin looked up from the puzzle, his eyes meeting Kieran's. "That's very true, Kieran," he agreed. "Love can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be painful. It's important to listen to your heart and be true to yourself, but also to be mindful of the other person's feelings."