Kieran despised the bar as it was filled with overwhelming noise, obnoxious laughter, unfamiliar faces, and the relentless stomping of dancers on the floor. The place was constantly packed, amplifying his disdain. The mingling scents and incessant clinking of ice cubes inside a glass, prepared by the bartender in his usual spot, only added to Kieran's irritation. Nevertheless, he felt compelled to be there. Coffee didn't suffice to heal his broken heart; he yearned for something to soothe the anguish that consumed him entirely.
Despite the vibrant atmosphere and cheerful ambiance of the place, Kieran couldn't shake off his sense of loneliness. As he took swigs of his whiskey, he couldn't help but notice that everyone around him seemed absorbed in their own world, much like himself. He pondered the quantity of alcohol required to erase memories of Hardin, or if it was even possible to forget him at all. Even in his state of deep intoxication, Kieran's thoughts incessantly wandered back to Hardin, and he found himself involuntarily uttering Hardin's name.
Kieran longed for a fleeting moment to escape the haunting memories of that day. He yearned to immerse himself in a state of intoxication, hoping it would erase the unsettling contents he had discovered and read on a white paper.
He yearned for a brief respite from the painful reality of Hardin's departure, even though he knew the memory would resurface the following day. Kieran couldn't fathom why his mind relentlessly fixated on Hardin, invading his thoughts with every passing second. Today was meant to be a joyous occasion, marking their first month of love, but instead, it transformed into a day of mourning for Kieran.
His hidden anguish throbbed, inflicting a profound pain that consumed his very essence. The void left by Hardin's absence pierced deep into Kieran's heart. What had Kieran hoped for? To simply feel fine after Hardin left him behind, vowing to return after six long years? Why was it that Hardin seemed to surrender so easily? Six years was an arduous span of time to wait, and it dawned on Kieran that perhaps promises could be shattered. The narrative of his life would revert back to its origins, restarting once again.
Kieran's mind swirled with confusion and unanswered questions. The ease at which Hardin had seemingly departed left him bewildered. Kieran couldn't help but suspect his father's involvement in Hardin's sudden departure from Bangkok. Yet, uncertainty loomed in Kieran's heart about whether Hardin had truly left the city. The fact that even Ayne and Pharm hadn't received a personal goodbye from him added to the uncertainty. Seeking solace, Kieran called Ayne and Pharm before heading to the bar, hoping they had any information. The disappointment and frustration within him grew, urging him to release a scream into the void.
The pain in his heart was like a sharp knife piercing through, causing Kieran to reach his breaking point. He couldn't bear it any longer. The desire to avoid shedding tears or uttering Hardin's name in that place overwhelmed him, but Kieran couldn't hold back the flood of emotions. He felt like a flickering candle sitting on the counter, its flame representing his anguish. Strangely, being seated at a table below only intensified his misery. The counter seemed to be the ideal spot for someone feeling lonely and shattered, much like Kieran.
The word "waiting" echoed relentlessly in his mind. Hardin had made a promise to return after six years and find Kieran once more. Kieran couldn't help but wonder what the next six years held in store. Would it be a time that differed from the present, where people struggled to show respect and acceptance towards individuals like him, who identified as gay?
He contemplates the possibility of change over the course of six years. While it is hopeful that, upon Hardin's return, society may become more accepting and tolerant of same-sex relationships, he questions whether acceptance of his gender and relationship is truly contingent upon time. Regardless of whether the times remain conservative or become modernized, accepting or denying someone's worth should not be determined solely by the era they live in. It is a matter of personal conviction and compassion, something that transcends time and resides within the depths of one's heart.
Can he endure waiting for six years as suggested in Hardin's letter? The anticipation and starting anew seemed overwhelmingly painful. Kieran shook his head and took another sip of whiskey, feeling the effects of the alcohol blur his memory. He couldn't recall how many orders he had served - was it eight or ten? Dizziness crept in, but he didn't give a damn. Going home was no longer on his mind. All he wanted was to escape into eternal slumber. Suddenly, his phone buzzed, prompting him to check it. Pharm had sent a message, inquiring about his whereabouts.
He simply shrugged and tucked his cellphone back into his pocket, choosing not to respond to Pharm. The weight of his emotions and the ache within him felt too overwhelming to burden Pharm with. The bartender offered him a sympathetic glance as he ordered another round of drinks.
His face was etched with profound sadness, but the pain coursing through his chest was even more unbearable. This was why he sought solace in alcohol, hoping for a good night's sleep. Only Hardin's voice could lull him into a peaceful slumber.
This marked the start of his new chapter. It was time to come to terms with the fact that Hardin was no longer part of his life. The phrase "Hardin Left Him" pierced deeply, intensifying the pain. Kieran had to acknowledge that he could no longer engage in conversations with Hardin, admire his handsome face, hear his soothing voice, or experience the warmth of his tight embrace. This was the reality that Kieran had to face, both in the present and for the foreseeable future.
The hot liquid of his tears streamed down his cheeks, a testament to his inner turmoil. He was on the verge of losing control, overwhelmed by his emotions. Despite the bartender's reluctance, he stubbornly ordered five more glasses of whiskey. He downed each glass, settled the bill, and rose from his seat, but a wave of dizziness washed over him as he stood upright.
As his body crumpled to the floor, he struggled to focus his gaze. Blinking, the dancing lights only intensified his dizziness. Gradually, he shut his eyes, seeking respite. In that fleeting moment of darkness, a familiar fragrance teased his nostrils. The touch he remembered, so tender and comforting, mingled with a voice that soothed his soul. Suddenly, the bustling bar transformed into an abyss of emptiness, and that captivating scent overpowered his senses.
Was this the precise moment when he plummeted into the depths of his emotions? Or could it be the pinnacle of his dream, only to awaken and realize that the scent was a haunting reminder of his past with Hardin? Yet, in the grand scheme of things, it merely stung him, like the hold of sobriety before alcohol courses through his veins. Before losing consciousness, a subtle smile adorned his lips.
Kieran's ears caught a voice, reminiscent of his brother Arthit's, but there was a distinct difference. This was the voice he longed to hear echoing through his days. Yet now, it was slipping away, fading into nothingness. The loss of familiarity, the absence of everything that made Hardin who he was, inflicted a slow and agonizing ache upon Kieran's heart. Why must he be confronted with a torrent of memories, displayed vividly on a metaphorical big screen, amplifying the intensity of his pain? Perhaps, with the passage of time, he will grow accustomed to revisiting those memories, tracing the lines of his past, and finding solace within the written words of the letter.
And if he cannot escape from this recurring nightmare and the haunting voice that calls his name, the terror will continue to seep into every fiber of his being. The notion of accepting his harsh destiny proved futile. His tear-filled eyes, the bitter streams flowing from them, became a source of solace whenever he found himself engulfed in the abyss of sadness. Though it is often said that crying is the only way to alleviate pain, after six years of shedding tears, his eyes may indeed ache.
Kieran once again heard the voice calling his name, its familiarity permeating every fiber of his being. He yearned to open his tear-stained eyes. However, the realization that he might be trapped within the depths of his darkest nightmare dissuaded him from awakening. For even if he were to rouse from slumber, he would be left with the painful truth that his cherished memories of Hardin were nothing more than a haunting illusion.
As Kieran experienced the sensation of a gentle and tender kiss, he grappled with uncertainty. Was it merely a figment of his imagination, a dream from which he would soon awaken? Or could it possibly be a genuine moment of connection that he longed to believe in? The hope grew within him that the voice that had called out to him earlier and the kiss he had just felt were indeed real. Emotion welled up within him, causing tears to stream from the corners of his eyes, cascading down his cheeks.
A gentle hand caressed his cheeks, wiping away the tears. The warmth of a deep breath enveloped his face, filling him with a sense of comfort. The familiar scent stirred his emotions, evoking memories of the person he cherished above all. Even in darkness, whether blindfolded or truly unable to see, that scent would forever be etched in his heart, reminding him of the man he loved with unwavering devotion. It was the same scent that enveloped them seven years ago when they first met on the Rama VIII bridge.
A solitary tear cascaded down Kieran's cheek, its origin a mystery. Perhaps he needed to awaken from this haze. As his eyes fluttered open, Hardin's face came into focus, still slightly blurred. Kieran blinked away the remaining moisture, his hands gently wiping the remnants off his cheeks. Hardin...
"Why are you here? Didn't you leave already?" The questions lingered unspoken, trapped within Kieran's heart. The surreal moment made it all feel like a dream, leaving him uncertain if even his waking state was merely another illusion.
He found himself unable to decipher his complex emotions. A faint smile danced upon his lips, painted with a touch of bewilderment. A whirlwind of questions swirled inside his mind, demanding answers. Tenderly, Hardin raised his hand and caressed Kieran's cheek, a gesture filled with affection. Holding tightly, Hardin guided Kieran's hand to his chest, allowing him to feel the steady rhythm of Hardin's heartbeat.
That familiar rhythm, Kieran had embraced it countless times, always evoking a sense of bliss within him. As Hardin's lips met his own in a tender kiss, Kieran knew this was no mere illusion. But how did it come to be? Why did it happen?
Reflecting upon the hazy memories, Kieran recalled being at Siam's Night Life Bar, indulging in drinks until he became overwhelmingly intoxicated. The next thing he remembered was someone coming to his aid after a fall. That was the extent of his recollection. As Kieran surveyed the room around him, he came to the realization that he was in Hardin's personal space. His lips parted in astonishment.
Kieran stood up, a heavy silence hanging in the air as he struggled to find his voice. He couldn't believe what was unfolding before him, but he knew he had to listen, to wait for any words that Hardin might share. Squeezing his face in his hands, Kieran caught a glimpse of love reflected in Hardin's beautiful eyes. It was as if Hardin could sense the questions racing through Kieran's mind—how he ended up here and why he was in Hardin's room.
"I trailed after you last night..." His voice trailed off as he gazed at the necklace adorning Kieran's neck, a smile spreading across his face. "It looks perfect on you. Would you like to keep it?" He was referring to the necklace he had given Kieran, the one that had been nestled in the small box the day before.
Kieran nodded.
Hardin gently removed his hands from Kieran's face. He positioned himself beside Kieran, cradling him in his lap, and tenderly ruffled his hair, running his fingers through it. A heavy sigh escaped his lips. "Your father spoke to me, Kieran. He insisted that we must end our relationship. But you know what I did? I couldn't help but cry as I pleaded with him to let us love each other and be together. Unfortunately, it seems impossible because..." Hardin paused, his gaze drifting up to the ceiling as he fought to suppress the tears welling in his eyes.
"Because your father seems more inclined to heed the opinions of others, his animosity towards you may not run as deep. I tried to explain my sincerity to him, but he refused to listen. Therefore, I am considering the possibility of moving away." Hardin chuckled softly. "Six years... It's a sudden decision, but perhaps I will leave and return after six years."
"After I arranged all the surprises you witnessed in this room, I departed and found myself in Pattaya. Upon returning, I discovered you asleep. I assumed you were awaiting my return. It then dawned on me that I cannot leave you alone, especially considering the unsettling events I witnessed yesterday, knowing I would only return after six years. And now, I am here to personally say my farewell..."
Kieran was overcome with an overwhelming sensation, as if a thousand needles had pierced his heart simultaneously. Hardin had returned to bid farewell in person? Tears streamed down Kieran's face, one after another. Why? Why would Hardin come back, only to leave again? Kieran was at a loss for words, crushed by devastation and consumed by a sense of chaos.
"I was only joking," Hardin softly spoke as he leaned in, planting a tender kiss on Kieran's lips. With a gentle touch, he wiped away the tears that glistened on Kieran's cheeks. Straightening up, Hardin offered a reassuring smile. "Please don't cry..." he scolded, though his own tears betrayed his true emotions.
"Please!" Kieran pleaded, his voice strained. "I know it may seem selfish, but Hardin, I can't bear the thought of you leaving me. You're my only ally, my anchor in this world."
"No," Hardin replied, brushing away the tears from his cheeks. "I won't vanish like before. I'll be here by your side, always."
Kieran's voice trembled as he asked, "And what about those six years? Did you promise Dad that you'd leave and abandon me?"
Hardin let out a laugh, though tinged with bitterness. "Those six years were just my way of avoiding your father's prying gaze. I couldn't bear to face him again. But to renounce you, even as a joke? Never. I would never do that."
Kieran rose to meet Hardin's eyes, his heart filled with desperation. "Tell me, what were you thinking? Running away together, like Romeo and Juliet? Please, if there's no other option, I'm begging you, let's just run away."
Hardin chuckled softly, trying to lighten the heaviness of the moment. "Baby, as much as I would love that romantic notion, it's not practical. Your dad would go ballistic and hunt us down."
"Then what do you suggest we do?" Kieran asked, searching for a solution.
Hardin smiled warmly, his hand gently caressing Kieran's cheeks. "Let's try to reason with your dad. He's the main obstacle here. My family has already accepted us and our relationship. Now, it's your turn to take a stand and talk to him."
Kieran's throat tightened as he grappled with the harsh reality of his father's lack of acceptance. Mr. Pornthip's intolerance towards Kieran's sexual orientation and his disapproval of his relationship with Hardin seemed insurmountable. Speechless, Kieran took a moment to process it all, his mind filled with the sound of Hardin's pleading voice.
With his eyes filled with earnestness, Hardin gently spoke, his words infused with love. "Please, go back home and try to maintain a good relationship with your father. Remember, I am always here for you, waiting patiently. And if you ever miss me, don't hesitate to call me, baby."
Kieran appreciated Hardin's affectionate words and embraced him tightly. They shared a tender moment before parting, both wearing genuine smiles.
However, Hardin's mischievous side emerged, accompanied by a playful smile. "But for now..." he teased, his voice filled with anticipation. "How about a little reward?" Hardin's gaze shifted to Kieran's lips as he lowered himself to Kieran's level. "I've missed you so much in those three days. Can I have my welcome-back kiss?" He leaned in slowly, savoring the moment.
No, he can't fight it. Kieran missed Hardin so badly. Those soft lips of Hardin and his gentle stroke, that all Kieran misses badly. Kieran opened his mouth and he kissed Hardin back. His kiss deepened and his hands gradually caressed every part of Kieran's body.
Hardin's kiss trailed down Kieran's neck and he let go with a soft whimper. He slowly undressed his body. That cold morning turned hot as Hardin's lips moved down to Kieran's navel and even lower.
Kieran arched his back, grabbed Hardin's hair, and curled his toes as he felt the tip of Hardin's tongue invading the head of his member and slipping inside Hardin's warm mouth. He felt as if thousands of volts of electricity had enveloped him.
One by one the pain Kieran felt last night and in the last hour before he woke up slowly dissipated. Hoping it'll never come back. Kieran opened his mouth and moaned lovely which lured Hardin to move faster and deeper.