“Eunice!” Jeanny screamed when she saw me. I was immediately enveloped in a hug. I laughed and hugged her back. “You’re finally leaving this boring hospital! I miss you in our dorm room.”
“Congrats.” Jace gave me a huge smile and hugged me tight.
“The two of you, stop hugging her so tightly.” Miss Davis warned Jeanny and Jace as she tried to get them off me. “I’m so glad you’re going home today.”
Home. This place is far from my home, but it has grown on me. I realized home is not a place, rather a feeling of belongingness provided by the people around you.
“I already fixed your things. We just need to wait for the doctor to give you the go signal.” Miss Davis explained. I smiled and nodded. I’m excited to leave this boring room, but for the past month, this has grown on me.
I made a friend here.
But he isn’t here today.
Chase and I didn’t speak the whole time that we were at the rooftop that day. I don’t know how much time we spent there, but none of us spoke. That day, Chase left early after he brought me back to my room, and we never talked about it again. He still visited me everyday as if nothing happened. If he wanted it to stay that way, then there’s nothing I can do.
I kept looking at the doorway. I don’t know why I was expecting him to come. Maybe because I got used to his presence for a whole month.
“Are you expecting someone?” Jeanny asked. “You kept on looking at the door. When the nurse came in, your head almost popped off.”
I rolled my eyes at her and smirked. “I’m expecting the doctor to come immediately and give me a go signal to go home.”
Jeanny didn’t say anything but just gave me a look that said “I don’t believe you.”
Jace went out to get some drinks from the vending machine while Miss Davis went to the accounting office to settle the hospital bills. Jeanny excused herself when someone called her on the phone. I was left alone in the room.
I stood up so I could stretch, but I forgot that my phone was on my lap, so it fell. I slowly kneeled down so I could reach it. Someone went inside, and by the sound and heaviness of the steps, I’m guessing it’s Jace.
I was facing the floor, looking at my phone, checking if it had any damages. when he reached out his hand to help me get up. I took his hand and he pulled me up.
“Thanks Ja–” I looked up and was quite shocked. “Chase.”
“You thought I was Jace, huh?”
“I thought you wouldn’t come.”
He chuckled. “You’re finally graduating from the hospital. I have to see it. I have to see you off.”
I nodded my head. “Do you want to go to the rooftop? For the last time?” He asked. My eyes immediately lit up and I nodded. I took my crutches and we both went out of the room.
When we opened the door to the rooftop, the fresh breeze welcomed us. I closed my eyes and took it in.
Chase and I sat on the bench we usually sit on.
“I can’t believe that this place has grown on me. This is the last time that I’ll be seeing this.” I said pertaining to the view and the rooftop garden.
“Me too.”
I looked at Chase and I was startled as he was looking at me. He immediately diverted his gaze and looked up front. I turned my head too and looked up front.
“That day,” Chase spoke. I looked at him only to find that he’s still looking up front. “I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you.”
That day? Oh, he meant when we were here and I asked how we was.
“You don’t have to be sorry. I should be saying sorry for interrupting your personal life.”
“The accident still keeps me up at night. When I close my eyes, I see you lying on the cold concrete, unconscious. When the verdict came out, I honestly didn't know how to face you. People around me kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault but in the back of my mind, it doesn’t feel like the truth. I should’ve checked the car before driving or even buying it. People kept telling me that it’s okay because you’re alive. But what if you weren’t?”
I just listened to him. I didn’t even look at him.
“I went to visit you everyday to appease my guilt. I thought that maybe if I take care of you, bring you food, buy you a phone, and spend time at the hospital, I’d be able to make up for what happened and be at peace with myself. I wished for you to be angry at me, to show how much you resent me for putting you in that situation. I wished that everyone would just hate me instead of lying to my face that it wasn’t my fault and that everything would be okay. As days passed, I felt like I was becoming a burden to everyone, even to my bandmates. I was so overwhelmed, I wanted to escape everything.”
“The whole time you were visiting me was just to appease your guilt?” I asked. I felt so pitiful, it was hurting me.
“No.” I sensed the panic in his voice. “No, Ciara. At first it was, but then you… when I spent more time here, I felt happier.” He said shyly. “Well, you were kind of rude at first. Even when I knew that you were close with my aunt and cousin I couldn’t feel any sense of familiarity with you. Your eyes didn’t look that kind either.”
I looked at him wide-eyed. “Y-you? Are you accusing me of being unkind? Of course I would be rude to someone I don’t know, especially upon waking up in this situation.” I sarcastically said.
“Don’t be mad. You didn’t look kind to me at first and I understand because I'm not exactly the good person here. But then, you weren’t that bad, plus, you’re our fan too.”
I saw a smile slowly forming in his lips.
“Stop.” I glared at him. He gave out a hearty laugh and I chuckled.
“Thank you, for not being hard on me. When I felt like I was making everyone carry my burden and everyone was trying to take it away from me, you made me feel responsible and accountable. You were real to me, so thank you.”
He’s just twenty-one. I wonder how we ended up in this situation at such a young age. No one deserves to be judged by the whole world. No one deserves to be suffocated in a world that they chose to live in. But then again, life has never been fair, and it will always stay that way. I was mad at Chase for creating a disturbance in my life. He ruined the plans I had for myself.
Yes, I am a fan of their band that doesn’t differentiate them from society’s laws. Privileged people should not be excused from the laws and from being punished for the wrong things they made. He hit me with his car and the truth came out that it was the manufacturer’s fault. Chase went through investigation and other procedures for the case, and he came out with a verdict of negligence for his car’s maintenance. There’s not much I know about the technicalities but I’m not dumb to not know that it’s the truth. He’s not responsible for everything, but he is partly at fault. And I’m glad he’s admitting that, unlike other people who would just hide behind their money. He already paid for what he did. There’s no point in not forgiving.
“Life is indeed overwhelming sometimes, but know that asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak or you’re a burden. I don’t know what it feels like to be loved and adored by so many people around the world. I don’t know what it feels like to be defended by millions of fans and be bashed by a million of haters at the same time. What I know is how to be a human. I know how to feel pain, tiredness, loneliness, happiness, and kindness. And I hope we’ll both be okay again. I hope you’ll be able to get back to working on your music and I get back the life I had after this.”
Chase and I spent a few more minutes before deciding to go down.
“Where were you?” Miss Davis asked when she saw us enter the room. “We were worried!”
Jeanny, Jace and Miss Davis worriedly looked at us and I saw other familiar faces inside. Chase’s bandmates are here as well. Parker waved and smiled at me while Ethan and Rafael gave me a nod. I smiled at them.
“Sorry, I took her to the rooftop garden for a while.” Chase explained. Miss Davis eyed her but Chase just grinned at her, which made Jace scoff.
“You should’ve at least told anyone of us. We thought someone took her.” Jace said.
“Anyways, the doctor said that Eunice is free to go. Are you ready to leave this place?” Miss Davis asked.
I smiled widely at her. “Yes.”
I took one last look at the place that gave me unexpected memories.