Chapter 16
Wew. Such a tiring day. Why do I feel like today's not my day?
First, I was called to work really early. Good thing I didn't have classes today. When I got to the office, everyone was in chaos. Apparently there was a deadline to meet and it's approaching soon and the project is not even halfway done.
'Eunice here, Eunice there. Get me this, get me that.' I've been hearing my name countless times now. Sometimes I just wish I didn't own that name. But, I chose this. I need to stick with it.
I got a call from BlueStone a week ago and I was told that I passed the interview and can start working the next day. They were really in need of production staff so they requested me to start immediately. Of course, I said yes. My duty is adjustable based on my class schedule, which is a relief. I also told Miss Davis about my new job and she gladly accepted that I'm leaving the restaurant, although I promised her that I will still help when I can.
A lot of equipment had to be transferred to the lobby and some needed to be transferred back to the office. The annoying thing is, I had to go all the way from the first floor to the seventh floor to bring back some equipment, then go back again to bring some more equipment down.
'Surely there's an elevator here.' Of course there is! The only problem is that it's always full. Because today is a hectic schedule for everyone, the office is packed with production people coming in and out, and of course they're using the elevator. So most of the time I had to climb the stairs, limping.
The doctor's gonna kill me for overstraining my foot but I don't care anymore. Sometimes it just goes numb that I don't feel the pain anymore.
The Wildes will be filming a music video today. And yes, I am now part of BlueStone’s Production Team. They have a separate office for the TV production and other shows of the artists. It's more like a partnership. So my office is not located at the BlueStone building but this job requires me to often go here to fix schedules and communicate with their team and also to shoot their shows.
I'm now standing in front of the elevator. I'm on the 3rd floor going up to the 10th floor where the studio is located. I'm bringing some tripods and lights to the studio for the shooting.
Sweat is now trickling down my forehead as I wait for the elevator.The weather today isn't even helping plus the bandage on my foot is just making everything worse. Good thing I'll be able to remove them next week. Just one more week and I'll be completely back to normal.
My spirits went up when I heard the elevator sound. Finally! And guess what, it's not full. Thank you Lord!
I stepped into the elevator.
"Excuse me. I'm sorry." I said as I passed by the passenger. I didn't even look at his face as I was focused on the equipment that I'm bringing and my bandaged foot. Once I got in, I collapsed on the floor. I sat there lifelessly. I am so tired and I just need to sit for a while.
I was about to push the number 8 button but saw that it was already lit up. So I sat still.
"Hey, Eunice!" A voice called me. I looked up to see who it was. My eyes widened in surprise.
"Oh! Ethan, hi. " I immediately stood up and greeted him back. This is so embarrassing. I don't even know how I look now. Probably looking like a lifeless mummy. My sweat is all over my body and I know that I smell like a mixture of sun and sweat. And my hair. It looks like I just got off a street fight.
"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded and gave a box smile at him. I was catching my breath.
“Jonathan, help her."Ethan commanded the guy beside him. That's the only time I realized that there are three of us inside the lift. I didn't notice Chase by my side because I was too focused on the equipment. Plus the light stand is so huge, it blocked him from my peripheral vision. Meanwhile, Ethan is just standing by the door, that's why I saw him immediately.
Chase looked at me and the equipment I'm holding.He tried to take them from me, but I refused to let go.
"It's okay. I can carry them. I'll get off the 10th floor anyways. It's no big deal." I told him.
"Come on Eunice, let him carry those. You shouldn't be carrying a lot of heavy stuff." Ethan said as he eyed Chase telling him to take the equipment again.
Chase rolled his eyes.
"But this is my job." I said.
Chase forcefully took the equipment from me. I guess there's nothing I can do anymore.
"You surely don't want to go back to the hospital right? You should just wait for your injury to recover and then work hard like a cow." He said and gave me a forced smile while raising his eyebrows. I want to pinch his cheeks upwards so that his smile would grow wider and more genuine.
I rolled my eyes. This rabbit.
The elevator finally stopped on the 10th floor and the three of us went out.
The filming started. A lot of props were repaired, lightings fixed, and even cameras.
I'm at the props section hammering a nail into a wooden box that was broken while filming a while ago.
He stretched out his hand in front of me, offering me some snacks. I shoved his hand away and continued to hammer the nail.
I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, but I am just not in the mood to interact with him right now. I’m really tired, and using the faintest amount of energy still left in my body to entertain Chase will burn me out. We’ve become casual with each other aftee getting closer during my time in the hospital, but we still make sure that we respect each other’s spaces. We make sure that we don’t interfere with each other’s privacy, because even I know that he’s not close enough for me to share spaces with him.
"You are so grumpy." He said as he scrunched his nose and laughed at me.
I stopped what I was doing and sighed. “I’m sorry if I came out rude.”
I finished fixing the box and he was still standing there watching me. I walked behind the green background and fixed the lighting there. I checked for repairs and other damages because the head staff is about to reach his boiling point for today.
Just like a little kid, this man keeps on tailing behind me.
"Stop following me. Aren't you supposed to be filming or something?" I asked him.
“I'm on a break now. They're filming Parker." He said in a cute child-like voice as he continued to munch on his snack. I can hear him munching.
"You're like a rabbit. Can you eat a little quieter?" I asked him. I looked at him and saw him staring blankly at me and blinked twice. I eyed him as my eyebrows formed a crunch.
Now he’s really acting like a kid, meanwhile earlier at the elevator he’s acting like a tough and annoyed man.
“You’re weird, you know? You were just acting all annoyed earlier at the elevator and now you’re acting like an innocent child.” I shook my head.
I saw him chew his food faster and forced himself to gulp it down so he can speak.
"First of all, I don’t think that having different moods is weird. I was just annoyed at how stupid you were earlier. Who would be working like that when they're injured? Someone stupid called Ciara." He said which made my blood boil.
Stupid? Did he just..call me stupid? My eyebrows furrowed and my mouth dropped.
"Okay. Enough. I don't want to hea--" I was cut off by his index finger over my mouth stopping me from speaking.
"Let me finish okay?" He said in an annoyed voice. Like those mean girls in the movies and dramas.
"What I'm trying to say is, don't make matters worse for you and me. Do you know how guilty I feel when I see you walking around with that bandage?" He said as he pointed at my foot then looked me in the eye.
Guilty? Why is that my fault? I wasn’t the one who hit someone with his car.
"And, I'm just following you around cause I'm bored. Some of the members are taking a rest and don't want to be bothered and some are still shooting." He said.
My eyebrows are still furrowed, and yes, I am angry that I really want to yell at his face and tell him that it’s not my fault that he’s guilty. But sometimes, we shouldn’t act easily on our emotions. Think before you speak, Eunice. You don’t want this talk to escalate into an argument and then into a fight. You don’t want to be shouting at each other. You don’t want to say words that you don’t mean.
"You don't know how I feel, Ciara. You don't know the pain of guilt and regret that I feel whenever I see you struggling, knowing that it's because of me." He told me and I can see that sadness and pain in his eyes with a hint of tiredness. With that, he went back to the waiting room and left me speechless.
“You don’t know how I feel too.” I whispered, but surely he didn't hear that.
We’re about to wrap up the filming, and it’s 7pm already. We still have another day tomorrow and I can’t wait to go home. However, something is really bothering me. My conversation with Chase earlier didn’t even end well. From the few months that I’ve known Chase, I know that he didn’t mean to hurt me, with the accident and with the way he spoke earlier. That is why I didn’t want to say anything while my emotions were high because I might say something really bad and I might regret it later on.
When I heard what he said earlier, I was outraged. I felt like he was blaming me for what he’s feeling, when in fact, he owns his emotions. But then, I don’t know what it’s like to be him. It's hard to live in the pain of guilt and regret. I lived with that too, and it's just traumatising. Sometimes it just comes into your mind and it slowly disables you from functioning. It makes you think again about what you did wrong, and before you know it, you're back at square one.
But then, he doesn’t also know what it’s like to be me and I just wish that he would also consider what I would feel upon hearing those words.
I heard a loud noise by the vending machine so I went there.
I found Chase staring angrily in front of the vending machine. He was tapping it loudly.
“Excuse me.” I said. He was a bit surprised when he saw me, but he quickly moved.
I inserted a dollar bill on the machine and picked potato chips. The vending machine whirred and seconds later, the snack dropped. I heard Chase sigh behind me.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"It won't accept my card. Stupid machine." He mumbled.
"Maybe your card is too expensive." I teased him. "What do you want?" I asked?
"The choco pie." He answered.
I took the change from the one dollar bill and inserted it on the machine, then clicked on the choco pie. The machine dropped the snack and I took it. I gave it to him before sitting down on the bench beside the vending machine. He sat beside me.
"I'm sorry, about earlier." He said.
"Why are you saying sorry?"
“I said things…that I shouldn’t have said. You’re not stupid, Ciara.” He said in a low voice.
I chuckled. “Oh, I know that I’m not stupid. Hard-headed, maybe, but I don’t like being called stupid.”
He didn’t say anything so I continued to talk.
“I feel helpless in this state, Chase. Always asking for help in every little move that I have to make because I’m injured. I’m not in the best shape. Both physically and emotionally. There are a lot of things that I want to do, that I need to do but I am limited by my situation right now.”
I looked at him, and he kept his head hung low.
“I’m not saying this to add more to your guilt. I’m saying this so you would know how I feel. I’m sorry that I’m not gonna be sorry for you being guilty about my whole situation. Just know that I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. If you see a concern, maybe you should do something about it. If you feel guilty, maybe you should do something about it. My heart has all the sides of forgiveness that I’m willing to give to you, but it’s not my responsibility to stop making you feel guilty. Your emotions are not my responsibility, Chase. You have to deal with that on your own. Just know that I already forgave you for everything.”
He looked at me and gave me a faint smile. "I know that you're just doing your best to fulfil your dreams. It’s not stupid Ciara, but please take care of yourself."
"I know." I said to him, "I was so eager to get back to normal, you know. It feels so tiring and embarrassing to feel disabled. Like I can't do anything."
I know that I have somehow overworked myself but I guess this is my way of coping up. I hate the feeling of being weak and helpless. I just want to get rid of it so I forced myself to work and act like a normal person without injuries.
"You know I never meant to hurt anyone. I promise." He said and I looked at him. He was staring at the window. His eyes were looking deeply into the view in front of him as if he's trying to reach his thoughts that were buried deep down.
I placed my hand on his shoulder which made him look at me.
"I know." I said as I looked him in the eye. I want him to know that I'm sincere.
We stayed silent for a few more minutes.
"Go on a date with me." He said. My eyes grew big in shock with what he said. I can feel goose bumps all over my body as my blood makes its way to my face.
“W-what?”
He must've noticed that because he immediately cleared his statement.
"I meant a friendly date, Ciara!" He said while waving his hands in front of me trying to tell me that I got the wrong idea. “I-I just want a friendly date. Think of it as me trying to make up for everything I’ve done.”
“With a date?” I asked, still confused, why of all the things that he can do to make up to me, he chose to have a friendly date with me.
“You’re misunderstanding this!” He said frustratingly. “I’ll buy you food and stuff.”
“Ahhh. So you think food is going to make it up? Like, eating food is gonna make everything okay?” I asked sarcastically, but deep inside I find it cute.
He looked at me worriedly. “Aren’t you happy when you eat food. I thought…” He sighed, “But food makes me happy, so I thought…” he mumbled the last words of his sentence, sounding like a disappointed kid.
I laughed.
“Of course, food makes me happy. As long as I don’t pay for it.”
His eyes immediately lit up.
“So, when’s the date?” I asked as I smiled at him amusingly.
He took out his phone and checked his calendar. I think he’s checking if he has a schedule.
“How about Thursday, two weeks from now?” He asked.
I thought about my University schedule. I have classes every Thursday but it’s only until one in the afternoon.
“What time?” I asked.
“Hmmm…is six in the evening okay with you? I have band practice the whole day.”
I nodded my head. “That’s fine.”
I watched him smile happily as he set an alarm on his phone. There goes his two front teeth showing cutely. I smiled.
“Jonathan!” We heard someone calling him. It must be his manager or one of the staff.
“Duty calls.” He grinned at me and I chuckled. “Thursday at 6, don’t forget!”
I nodded at him and he got up and walked back to the studio. When he was out of sight, I closed my eyes, rested my head on the wall, and gave a deep sigh. The view of the sunset is slowly unfolding in front of me.
Then I felt something cold in my hands. I opened my eyes to see what it was. It was a can of strawberry milk. I looked at the man on my left. He smiled at me. I placed my head on his shoulders and sighed.
"I'm so tired today, Jace" I whined at him. He patted my head.
I slowly felt my eyes closing as if someone's hanging in my eyelids causing me to close my eyes. Then I drifted off to dreamland.