"She's looking for you, why do look mad?
Those were the last words I heard from Matt before walking away. I was annoyed by Matt because he answered the call. He actually said that we were in the library so I had no choice but to go out.
When I got out of the school gates, I take a look around first to see if our car is around. And since there were no people, I ran fast to avoid getting seen. I was about to flee but was preceded by a loud horn sound. I automatically stopped in my tracks.
A white car pulled up in front of me and I immediately bowed when our driver came out. He approaches me and escorted me into the back seat.
I felt my heart beat faster as I sit beside my mother. The window dividing the front seats and the back seats automatically closed. It’s sound proof so no matter what word or shout we make here in the back seat, the driver won’t hear it.
The car started and so I just looked at the window ㅡ uncomfortable.
"I heard that you caused a scene in the campus."
My two eyebrows met when I heard that from him. Caused a scene? I just fainted because I had a fever and I had to see my teacher for a review for a quiz bee
"Mom, I just fainted."
"Just?" I averted my gaze from the window and looked straight. "You just fainted and you missed four classes ?!"
Realization hit me. I knew they would get mad even if it wasn't my intention to miss those classes. I wanted to tell her that I was excused there but I knew she would have another excuse to scold me.
"How can you catch up with that? How will you learn those, huh? Now that two of your major subjects dropped to that sickening number, how can you bring that back, now that you also missed those subjects today! HOW. WILL. YOU . EVEN. LEARN! "
She was able to pierce my sinuses with her finger with each utterance of those last words. At her last press of my head, my head hit the car window so I immediately touched my head.
"INSTEAD OF WORKING HARDER, YOU ADDED MORE DISAPPOINTMENT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS YVAINE? AND YOU DIDN'T REALLY CALL YOUR DRIVERㅡ FOR WHAT? JUST TO SKIP MORE CLASSES?"
My heart pounded, clearly hurt by her words. She didn't even know that my phone was dead that's why I couldn't call for a ride. I will definitely take it back. I didn't expect anything like that to happen to me.
"You didn't even answer my calls! Are you ignoring your mother now?!"
I felt the heat of my two watering eyes and that’s where my tears start to form and I knew by the time it would fall, it'll never stop.
"GOOD THING THAT GOOD OF A TOP 2 ANSWERED MY CALL BECAUSE IF HE DIDN'T, YOUR FATHER WOULD BE COMING HERE AS WELL," She continues to preach as I held back my tears. It would be more frightening if dad was the one I talked to, today.
"What exactly happened to you? Do you want to drop out? Just say so! And with that, you will forget that you have a family, and I will forget that I have a daughter, remember that!"
A few hours after crying, I decided to go to sleep. But before that, I prayed first. Even though I didn't really want to, that's where I vented all my resentment towards this family.
I imagine a life, completely different from what I have right now. It must be amazing to be with an understanding family. I don't hate my parents but I hate how they always.. pressure me. I hate how they are ungrateful for my achievements. I did my best but still, they aren't proud. They are controlling me. It's suffocating my mental health. And they're hurting me physically. What kind of family are the kids in my age are having? I hope they do not have the same as mine.
I wish my parents won't pressure me anymore. I wish I was just a normal student who has no anxiety when it comes to grades.
I wish dad doesn't go home often just to insult me. I wish my mom cared and loved me like how mothers do to their daughters. I wish I had a peaceful life. I wish I was loved .. I wish was loved.
If only I could live another life better than this, then I would take the risks. But who am I to hope for it. All I need is to prove them wrong.
My eyes slowly opens as I thought about it. I stare at the book shelves. It's quite dark but it is not an excuse to ignore what I was thinking.
Right..
All I need.. Is to prove them wrong.
Later that day, I did not talk to anyone at the house. I went to school silently as always. No one coming up to me as usual. They don't hate me. I just have no friends. I lean towards my seat inside the classroom and think about how should I prove them wrong.
It took me a week or two. And months and years before I finally decided to leave my hometown. To leave my house. To leave my parents. I'm not doing this just because I reached my teen age. I'm doing this to start over. I don't want to live like this forever. I need something to prove to my parents. I'll let life decide my fate. If it let's me have friends then I'll have them. If it let's me do what I want to do, then I'll do it. I just hope for the freedom I'm longing and the peace in life. I'm studying for myself and I will be taking the paths of my choice, not what my parents' want for me. But still, even after that, I'm still scared of what might happen within the next years. I hope there's nothing thay I should worry about from today. Hoping this would be the best way.