THEN
I am inside my house, inside my room. My mom came home earlier than I thought. An hour later, dad arrives as well. I closed the novel that I was currently reading. After that, I saw the papers underneath the book. It's my assignments. It's already done. I take a look at the left side of my study table. I still need to read those books as a review and an advance reading for the next lessons in class. After taking a peak at the window, hoping my nanna would come. But there's no one. I sigh as I make my bed. Looks like I'll be eating with my parents tonight.
Ever since I was young, I was already distant with my parents. Not that I don't love them. They always have business to deal with and even for an hour, they didn't give that time to me so that the three of us could bond. As I grew older, I gradually became busy with school works. It was their choice though. They want me to study hard. That’s why I’m always top 1 in our class. And I have no problem with thay since I also love to study.
When I was younger, I was always ahead of the class. Of course I was enjoying the achievements. And my parents were too.
But after a while, I became unhappy with them. It happened because of one mistake. I had an 80+ percent for that certain subject when I was a kid. It was my first time to see them that furious while scolding me. I was scared, but they smiled after that, assuring me to do better next time. But I no longer see them smile when I get a high score. Instead, they would just say, 'keep it up', 'strive for a higher one'. Even though I was no longer motivated, I continued to follow what they say to get me even higher compared to what I have achieved now.
I left the room and went downstairs for dinner. We were all complete and I knew where our conversation would go by the time they called my name.
"Yvaine."
I stopped chewing my food and waited for my father to speak. He also stopped and drank a glass of water before speaking.
"How's school?" Mommy coughed slightly at what she heard, seems to be waiting to talk about it again. I know what that question means. I shouldn't be surprised. They just ask how's my marks are doing. They can't even ask their daughter if she's fine.
"Yvaine?" Mom calls after a few seconds that I didn't answer.
"Still doing well," I speak and continue to chew my food. I didn't spare them a glance.
"You better be. Top 1 should remain on top and top 2 should remain in second. But you should be higher than them. No draws." He passes the salad to me. "Matteo almost got your place. I don't want that to happen again now that you'll have new classmates this year."
I have accelerated the consumption of what I am eating. Here we go again. They want me to score higher than everyone.. Our average grade gap should be five percent or three. I enjoy writing, I enjoy reading. Even if I wanted to bring my grades down, I couldn't because that's what my parents hated.
"Your grades matter when you reach adulthood, Yvaine. Take the Business course in college, after all you're about to get in highschool. We did not raise you to be unprepared. You'll be as successful as your Mother and I. Remember everything we told you and don't neglectㅡ"
"I'm done eating.." I stood up, respectfully. I slightly bowed my head before standing up. I feel heavy after hearing the same words again from them.
"Go ahead, go to your room and study."
I smile as I walk towards my room. I used to be happy because of what I was gettingㅡthe achievements and such but ever since my father laid his hand on my face to slap me, I have lost a little bit of seriousness in my studies. That led to more sermons and slaps I got from them.
I have returned to my determination but I still have the my fear and nervousness every time they ask me about my studies. I know what I'm doing and I know I am giving all that I could to make them proud. But it is never enough for them. If a small percentage disappears from my grades, a hundred percent hate and disappointment is what I'll recieve from them.
We are currently in the Principal’s Office with my parents. They smile as they talk about my performances in class. The words of the Adviser and the Principal were all positive. I haven’t seen my report card yet and I also don’t know if mom is happy with my mark because they just smile while signing it.
When we say goodbye to go home, they still have their smiles on their faces as they talk to the teachers. I am stunned for a minute. I really did think I made a good impression to them. When we reached the car, nobody talked to me. And that scared me. They’re not smiling anymore and even though I’m used to it, I also can’t explain why I’m nervous.
As I entered our the living room, I take a look at my parents. But as soon as I do so, my dad throws the card towards my face. My eyes stayed lock on the floor, thinking what could I have done wrong. I look up and dad immediately slapped me. The sound of his slap echoed throughout the room.
A second later, my tears fell immediately. I couldn’t move my hands and I just stayed, standing up, waiting for his next words.
"WHAT IS THIS? TWO OF YOUR MAJOR SUBJECTS DROPPED TO 93 ?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW YVAINE!"
I choose not to speak and just felt my heart racing. It's not new for me to be shouted at. But the only thing that weakens me is that my own parents are insulting me ​​as if I am useless. As if I didn't try enough to be good for them. As if I didn't follow all of the things they have said. As if I'm not their daughter. My mom is just sitting down on the couch, drinking her favorite tea. I remembered her stopping my dad from hurting me when he first laid his hands to slap my face. But look at her now, she is used to seeing me disciplined. My tears fell harder, feeling emotional while thinking how could I ever have a family like this. To have a father and a mother like them. I just needed a loving family that's all. A mother that will hug and love me even after the slightest mistake, a mother who will cook and make the family happy, not a mother who'll ignore and be disappointed at me whenever I make the slightest mistake and a mother who is always busy with her work that she has almost forgotten that she has a daughter always waiting for an embrace. I need a father who would protect me at all cost, to teach me about the good things in life and that I would never be worried if anybody tries to bring me down because a father wouldn't let his daughter feel the cruelty of this world. A family who will support and ask me if I am okay is all that I want. And yet, here I am, listening to their shouts.
"WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER AND I TOLD YOU?! WHAT ARE YOU DISTRACTED AT? FRIENDS? CLUBS?"
I look at my hands trembling. I even don't have friends. I'm not even allowed to have atleast one because they don't want me to get distracted. I don't even enter a school's organization because they just want me to focus on my papers. I hear a pause, but I choose not to look up.
"DON'T TELL ME.. DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?! AT YOUR AGE?!" The lies he's making is frustrating me but I have to stay silent. I don't want to make this situation worse. I'm still 11, dad.. having a boyfriend didn't even crossed my mind.
"DIDN'T WE TOLD YOU NOT TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM ANYTHING? YVAINE! YOU JUST NEED TO FOCUS ON ONE THING! AND THAT'S YOUR GRADES! HOW COULD YOU NOT REMIND YOURSELF, THAT?!"
My heart beat faster because of things he said. I don't want to look up .. I don't want to answer. I don't want to look into his eyes. I'm scared.. I'm scared. Why am I not brave enough to face this...
I close my eyes as he shows me the report card.
"OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT !!" And because I am closing my eyes, he forces it to open with his fingers but I did not move. I bent down more and cried.
He was still shouting a lot but I preferred to let his words pass through both of my ears. When he walks out, I immediately run towards my room and lock myself inside. I cried all night. I should work harder.. I should work harder.. Maybe they'll change their minds and won't be disappointed at me anymore.
I take a look at the card I am holding and shake my head. I look at it in confusion as my tears continued to flow.
Where did I go wrong? Why did my score went down..