Trigger warning
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Chaos let out a deep sigh before speaking.
“She’s Erschel. My life. My love.”
I opened my mouth a little in order to breathe. I don’t know, but when he said ‘my life’ my throat suddenly went dry. His voice is affecting me. Pain is dripping in his voice like acid. It makes his listener feel the pain that he was going through too.
Add some real tears and it will be extremely gut-wrenching. He looks like he is about to cry. His voice is also starting to break.
“Shh, it’s okay if you don’t continue the story. I’m sorry if I asked. I didn’t know that the topic is extremely sensitive to you.” I tapped his back lightly to assure him that he could stop. At the same time I am giving him the comfort that he needs.
“No, no, you need to know. I need to let this out, and I also need to tell you this before telling my real intention towards you. Just make sure that whatever’s said and heard here, will remain here. Do you understand?” He said seriously. Locking his eyes with mine this time.
I don’t know if he wants to really keep the conversation private or he doesn’t want people to know that he cried. 
On the other hand, how can I possibly spread the news that he cried? I don’t even have friends, much less talk to the people in this school. The only people I am with right now are those three but I wouldn’t dare tell them anything.
“I assure you. Whatever you say or show here will stay here. I believe you already know that you can trust my words, am I right?” I smiled at him trying to lift the atmosphere up.
He nodded at me and closed his eyes tightly.
He heaved a deep breath and started talking.
“You already know her name. Her name is Erschel. And just like her name, she is very unique. One of a kind. You can’t find anything or anyone like her in this world. Sure, there are similar people like you, but nothing ever compares to her. She’s so pure. The epitome of perfection in my eyes. But of course, no one’s perfect in the real world. She may look very pretty, very happy, and all, but deep inside her, she’s broken.” He smiled sadly. 
Okay, I don’t know the whole story yet, but why do I have this feeling that his story will break my heart? Based on his cries earlier, his story is really painful.
“She’s depressed. But she doesn’t tell anyone. She doesn’t like being pitied, so she keeps it to herself. She wants people to view her as someone that is always strong. She’d rather sacrifice her own feelings than to sacrifice others. To make the story short, she went to this convention that promotes mental health. I was about to propose to her after the convention, but then, that f*cking tragedy happened. She met with an accident on the way home. However, I know that it was not an accident, rather, it was intentional. I just knew it after the accident. Her psychiatrist told me that her d*pression went back. Although it never really goes away, it was eased before but I guess something triggered her. Her d*epression overpowered her, making her prone to s*icide. That’s why she left. Now, she’ll never return to me for eternity.”
He looked down on the floor like a lost puppy. Tears were streaming down my face but it cannot be compared to his.
His tears seemed like a never-ending waterfall. He is breaking down like a broken mirror.
He doesn't want me to see that he is crying. I don’t know what to do. So instead of panicking, I pulled his head and placed it on my shoulders. I then tapped his shoulders lightly as I was hugging him sideways.
Seriously, I don’t know how to comfort somebody. So I hope that I am doing the right thing. I stopped myself from making even a little squeak as I let him cry on my shoulders.
I think he needs a little time to cry more. That’s why I’m giving him my silence as a signal that I am giving him space and time. 
A few minutes had passed when he suddenly sat properly.
“So, she’s your ‘the one that got away’,” I stated the most obvious fact.
“You can call it that, but for me, she’s my greatest love. The love that I would never ever feel again for the rest of my life. I don’t know. Instead of letting me help her, she chose the easiest way out. I can’t do anything about it now no matter how much I want to change the outcome. I can’t turn the time back anymore. She’ll remain my biggest ‘what if’.” Chaos said with his eyes closed.
Ouch. I really feel the agonizing pain. I feel like this is the first time that he talked about this.
“Come on, cry more. You need to let it out. Don’t let it kill you inside, Chaos.” Still lightly tapping his shoulders. I want to add ‘based on experience’ in the last part of my sentence, but chose not to do so.
I did it a couple of times before whenever I give out some advice, but instead of helping or understanding me the way I am understanding their pain, they become one of the contributors of my suffering. So, no thank you.
Only less than five minutes in, I felt him put his head on my shoulder again and cried relentlessly. I can feel how wet my shoulders are. He tried to cry silently but there were some squeaks here and there. A few moments more and those squeaks turned into loud wailing.
The pain he feels is vibrating deep in my bones as I try to hug him sideways. The pain feels like I am one of those directly involved in his story. My heart is being pierced with a thousand knives. 
If only I can, Chaos, I would gladly take away your pain. I’m used to being hurt, but you are not. If only I could, I gladly would.