I love you now, Lucas. But this, this is too much. I have loved you unconsciously and now here I am— hurt and broken; more than I have ever been before.
"You should hage not given me reasons to leave you, Lucas."
That's the last straw of my strength. I turned around and left them there. Gail and Uno followed me.
Everything sinks in now. I already love Lucas more than I loved Xavier. That's why the pain is more painful. My feelings for him is deep so it cuts deep too.
I busied myself with the scenery, I could sense Gail still looking at me. She's cryinging, she's hurt for me. And even if I don't want to see her crying, I still don't have the courage to comfort her. I couldn't even stop myself from crying.
The pain is too much for me. Everything wasn't true, it's all part of their plan.
I thought I don't deserve this? He said I don't deserve to be taken for granted. But look at me now, fuck. Lucas did this to me.
We reached tye pier on time. We were all quiet. Uno is observing us. 
"We're okay here, Uno. Thanks for accompanying us. I'm sorry for the trouble," I said.
He shook his head and looked at us firm, "No, I'd bring you to Manila."
I sighed.
"Let's eat first," it was Gail who said that out of nowhere.
I agreed, we haven't eat anything earlier. And it would take so much time before we could go back to Manila.
After we eat, we waited for the bus. We decided to commute because we don't want to use their car anymore. I remained silent the whole ride. And whenever I think of the betrayal, I cry. I cry so much until I feel asleep.
It was already late when we reached Manila.
"Where are you two staying? I'll accompany you there," Uno asked.
Gail refused to return his gaze.
"I don't know, at my house maybe. I'll ask our driver to fetch us, don't worry. You can go now," she said.
"I'll bring you to where you're going. I need to make sure, you two are safe," Uno's voice sounds with finality.
I don't want to stay in their house. For sure, I'd only cause them trouble. I also wanted her to rest so it would be ebst if she go home and I'll go hom to my apartment. 
"I'd just stay on my apartment, Gail. I don't want to trouble your parents. And you, you should go home. You have to rest," I said.
The pain that I'm feeling earlier is gone now. All that is left is numbness in my heart. 
Gail hugged me while crying, "Veronica please, don't be like this."
I looked away. I want to be alone. I don't want to put anyone else into this mess. She's a family to me and I don't want to pull her down with me. This is my problem so I should be the one fixing it.
"I'll be fine, Gail. Don't worry. I just want some time for myself. I promise, I won't do anything stupid. You can just bring me to my apartment. Then Uno will accompy you until you get home too," I said trying to convince her.
Although I'd be fine on my own, I did this to give Gail some assurance. I convinced her after some time. Uno, on the other hand, remained silent while observing us. Though, I'm not sure why he's doing this, I'm gald that he's here. At least, I have some assurance that if ever someone would notice us and things escalated, I have him to protect my best friend.
I prepared food right away, after we reached my apartment. I don't have appetite so I told them I'll eat after I took a bath. Gave returned my phone before they left.
They left before midnight. When I was alone, I decided to took a bath and waste my time there. That's where everything sinks in again, slowly.
When I finished, I busied myself with my phone and social medias as I lay on my bed. I don't have plans of letting this issue stay for so long. I don't care anymore if they'd ruin my privacy, I just need this to end. I don't care if I'd get a lot of judgement once I faced them, I'm used to that and who cares right? I've been through a lot, alone. I can do this. Besides, I don't have a choice. I'm not rich. I have to work. I can't let this issue stop my world. 
What's the sense of my life if I'll stop living because of this?
I have lived this life battered with problems. I could say, it's like me against the world. Growing up, I have never truly felt love. When I was in the shelter and adopted by my frist foster family, they end up returning me. And when I was returned, my second foster family couldn't sustain my needs as a child. They end up returning me again. I couldn't understand that, that time. I was hurt so bad but I managed.
As I grow, I met sister Mona in the shelter. She's the first person who showed me what really love is. She considered me as her own and I couldn't be more grateful. With her, I learned that it's okay if not everyone will like me. I learned that, even if I wasn't chosen, I'll be fine. I learned how to be contented of what I have.
When I entered the university, I met Gail. Since then, I never felt the need of having a friend anymore. She's more than enough. And when I met Tito Felipe, Xavier's father, I feel like I have a father figure in my life. I couldn't ask for more.
And then I met Xavier. That's when I started to explore love. I made mistakes, become foolish, I suck at it. That's why I'm here, in this situation. Loving him, I learned a lot. I learned that love isn't really always about reciprocation. Sometimes, we love and it's forbidden. Sometimes, it could be one sided. Like how it is with me and Xavier. One-sided love. Fuck. I learned a lot from that.
Now here's Lucas. He showed me the magic of love. He allowed me to understand how it truly feels to be loved despite all the short comings that I have, despite my brokeness. The love he's shown me is so beautiful and magical it almost made me forget the reality. 
I smiled bitterly with my thoughts. 
He's the dream. The hope.