Merville’s Point of View
"It hurts to let go of someone you know you still love. But it hurts even more to hurt them, especially when you know they loved you too." — rrrrrylleism

I feel like I’m going insane thinking about everything that’s happened. I’ve been holed up in my room for three weeks now, wallowing in silence. Kobe has been trying to reach out to me again and again, but I keep avoiding him.
I know things between us have only gotten worse—and he doesn’t need to know that. Maybe he’s just worried about me. I worry about him, too. The only difference is, I’m trying to protect him… while I know I can protect myself.
For the past few weeks, sleep has been impossible. I keep waking up in the middle of the night—sometimes right at midnight. It’s frustrating. I’m always exhausted during the day, and no matter how much I try to go back to sleep, I just can’t. It’s maddening.
I sat up from my bed and reached for my phone. It was only around eleven in the evening. I sighed as I saw a flood of missed calls and messages from Kobe.
356 messages. 219 missed calls.
Alright. That’s within the past three weeks. I’m sure by now, he knows I’ve been avoiding him. I opened a few of his messages.
From: Bubu
Hey. How are you?
From: Bubu
I missed you so much. Let’s talk, please.
From: Bubu
Hey, are you avoiding me?
From: Bubu
I’m sad. Let’s meet please.
From: Bubu
Is there something wrong, Bubu? Let’s talk about it, please. Don’t push me away like this. Damn. I’m going crazy.
From: Bubu
Merville, please. Is there something wrong? Let’s meet. Let’s fix this.
He sent a lot more, but I didn’t read the rest. It hurts. Hurts to know I’m the one causing him pain. I knew things would end up like this. What I didn’t know was how much it would hurt… to be so certain about a decision, yet feel like it’s tearing you apart.
Everything’s gotten worse. What happened back on campus—I'm sure it’s connected to us. It's terrifying to think the whole school almost got caught in the crossfire because of our mission. It’s obvious this has something to do with it. And it's frustrating, because I know—we’re failing.
We’re supposed to be the hunters… but now we’re the hunted. They’re out for revenge.
They’re taking their vengeance.
I stepped out of my room and went to the kitchen. The house was silent—everyone was asleep. I glanced at Yvo’s room and felt a pang of sadness. We lived in the same house, but barely saw each other. And even when we did cross paths, we never spoke.
Even Mom had started to wonder if something was wrong between us. But of course, there’s nothing. We just… don’t feel like talking. We’re both lost in our thoughts. He locks himself in his room, just like I do. Sometimes he doesn’t even wake up until ten in the morning, eats breakfast alone, and skips lunch with us entirely.
I opened the fridge, grabbed a glass of water, and drank in silence. When I finished, I set the glass down on the table and stared at it. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was thinking of distancing myself from Kobe—just for a while. Not breaking up with him… just staying away. I’d come back once everything’s okay. Once the mission ends.
I left the glass in the sink and returned to my room. The moment I stepped in, my phone lit up again. A new message from Kobe. He’s still awake?
From: Bubu
I can’t sleep. Please, let’s meet. I can’t calm down if I don’t see you.
I let out a heavy sigh. I didn’t reply. I lay down on my bed, eyes shut, trying to ignore the ache in my chest—but then my phone rang. Kobe was calling.
This is it.
I think… this is the right moment for the both of us.
But I didn’t answer. I just couldn’t let go of him that easily. Yes, we weren’t together for long—but I know in my heart I loved him. And I know he loved me, too. But sometimes, even when you love each other, in a situation like this—when danger is closing in—you have to let go.
From: Bubu
I’m outside your house. I saw you walk. Please, let me see you.
I bolted upright after reading that. I stepped out of my room and peeked out the window.
He was really there.
I inhaled deeply, over and over again, trying to lessen the pain crawling all over my body. Slowly, I opened the door and quietly stepped out. The guard was asleep as I passed.
I went out through the small gate. I froze when I saw him. He was in his pajamas and a white hoodie, leaning against his car. I quietly walked toward him. When he saw me, his whole face lit up—and then he pulled me into a tight hug.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t hug him back.
“Bubu,” he said softly after the embrace.
I swallowed hard and looked away.
Kobe was handsome. Tall—very tall. Just the kind of guy most girls would dream about. Sweet. Always patient with me when I had my moods. He’d laugh when I cursed at him, and just smile when I bit his arm playfully.
How could I possibly walk away from someone like him?
Tell me—how?
“Go home, Kobe. It’s late,” I said coldly, keeping my gaze elsewhere.
I shut my eyes when he cupped my cheeks. His eyes were soft and sad. Damn it.
“I’m worried. Is something wrong? Please, Bubu, talk to me. I’m really worried.” His voice was gentle, full of concern.
I stepped back, putting distance between us.
Damn it. Why is this so hard? Why does it hurt so much?
Is this really what love feels like? The kind that drives you insane… only to destroy you?
“Go home,” I repeated. I was terrified to tell him what I really came out here to say. He walked toward me and took my hands, but I gently pulled them away.
“We need to stay away from each other for now.”
“B-but why?” His voice broke—and it shattered me.
“Because we have to. Everything is too chaotic right now, Kobe. My situation’s getting worse… and I don’t want you dragged into it.”
“I don’t understand!” he yelled. “What situation? What’s going on? What danger? What are you talking about?” He looked desperate. “Please, Bubu, just tell me. Don’t drive me crazy like this. What are you? Tell me—whatever it is, I’ll accept it. I swear I will. Please… don’t do this…”
“There’s no point telling you, because I know you won’t understand—”
“Then I’ll try! I’ll try to understand—”
“You can’t! You can’t just force it because I know you won’t accept it, Kobe. It’s not that s-simple.” My tears fell. “You would only h-hate me.”
He stepped closer and wiped my tears, making me cry even harder.
“I don’t want to b-break up with you,” he whispered.
I cried harder because he was crying… and it was all because of me.
And I hated it.
But this was the only way. The only thing I knew how to do.
I cupped his face. He hugged me again, resting his head on my shoulder. I wiped my tears and took a deep breath.
“I don’t want this either, Bubu. P-please,” he whispered again.
“We’re not breaking up, Kobe. We’re just… giving each other some space.”
“But that’s basically the same thing,” he murmured. I felt his tears seep through my clothes, warm against my skin.
Damn it.
This pain—it's tearing us both apart.
“Wait for me, please. I’ll come back to you.” I stepped out of his embrace and took a step back.
“I promise, I’ll be back… as soon as all this shit ends.”
“Merville—”
“Promise me there’ll be someone to come back to, Kobe,” I cut him off, still backing away.
“Please. Promise me.”
“I—I promise,” he said firmly, and somehow, that gave me peace.
“Now, go home.” I stopped just in front of our gate.
“G-goodbye.”
I turned my back and walked away. As soon as I closed the gate, I ran.
It hurt—God, it hurt so much.
I could only hope he meant that promise.
When I got inside, warm arms caught me in a tight embrace. Yvo.
“I’m here, Merville,” he whispered as he gently rubbed my back. “Everything will be alright. I promise you that.”
©rrrrrylleism