“ I don't know how to say this, I've never been in this position before and had no idea that one day I'll be in it, I have been alone since you left, I thought that I was going to get that part of my life back after you left, but no, it hasn't been the same.... I've been going through something I have never felt before, I knew that this was something they call heartbreak out there, but I never felt only it, I felt something else, alone.... Lonely....in the dark.... It felt like I was in an oblivion, an endless darkness. I never wanted anything else, nobody, I haven't been with any lady, I hardly communicate with anyone because I just realized that you were really the only friend I had, I thought that I was that guy everyone wants to be with, everyone wants his attention, but since you left, I then realized that there was no one, no one was waiting, the only one who was always there has been pushed aside because I was scared, I was scared of moving forward, I was scared of trying..... I was scared of everything, I'm really sorry Benny, having realized how it might've felt, I'm sorry for making you feel so alone.....”
He never stopped staring, I can see the wetness in those green eyes, the fluorescent light reflecting on them, the vein popping in his forehead really visible from where I sat, he's really in pains, and I can tell this was the first time he's feeling such pain, maybe the second, because that's possibly how he felt when he realized that his mom ran away, I shouldn't conclude though, because he was nothing but a kid then, who really doesn't know the true feelings of being alone, but as a grown up man now, he possibly shares the same feelings his Dad might've gone through back then.
I couldn't get myself to speak any word yet, I know that I am already crying, but no words can be found right now, my mind is just blank like an empty paper, nothing in mind to do or say, just looking at this gorgeous man letting down his emotions and feelings before me, something he never does, I guess he waited to lose me before learning the true meaning of being alone.
I could feel the squeeze in my hand, turning to see his Mom staring into my eyes, touched by every word Aiden had said. The fact Aiden never cared about the presence of his Mom and said all that to me, I wonder if his reckless confidence will always keep him safe or drive him into something he should never feel. His Mom gave me a gentle nod, signalling that I should please accept this apology. I believe having lived with Aiden all this years, she definitely knew that this act was out of the ordinary from Aiden, Aiden have never been this down to anyone before, the fact he just threw down everything to me means that I am worth it.
I got up from the chair, staring at those wet eyes, trying to hold back those tears and be a man like he always was, staring into mine, searching for that assurance that I did accept his apology. I never planned this, this was never part of my thoughts, I never dreamed on seeing him, not to think of him apologizing to me about what came between us. I had that believe that he was enjoying his life, he was partying at weekend nights and getting his one night girls whenever he pleases, but I never knew that this gorgeous man here was devastated because of my absence.
I moved into him, gently hugging him, throwing every affection I have for him into an action, my feelings beyond words as I gently throw my arms around his neck, which seems to be way above me. when his arms travels around my lower back, that's when I felt like it's sealed, we're back in this together.
After spending few affectionate moments together with his Mom, he decided to take me out, this is what I wanted, and the fact I made the sick woman smile, really filled my heart with joy. We arrived at a restaurant around the corner of the hospital.
“ So.... You decided to stay back around here, thought you would be at your grandma's....”
I said, bringing up something we've to talk about. “ I've my reasons..... Not one, but three....” he said, hands interlocking with mine before we found a spot to sit down.
“ Three?....” I asked, really curious this time.
“ One is because I can't wait another seconds to get you back, I never believed that I would survive the next minute without you..... The second is that you definitely won't show up if today was an ordinary day of the week, because you're definitely avoiding seeing me, so I decided that I should beg Mom to call you out because you would possibly listen to her, especially for the fact you knew I wasn't around on weekends, sorry for doing that though, it's illegally manipulative..... The third is my Mom, Cameron is in Paris right now, Mom has no one to stick around with, so I believed I have to do that, considering she was in sick bed. Though I knew my grandma is old and really would cherish my presence, but that woman is way stronger than me, believe me.... I'm not joking, she even sometimes asks me not to stress myself coming over, that we can always speak through the phone, I have asked her to come live with me, but she decided that she wants to stay at the old people's home, she's got friends there, so....”
“ Wow.... I'm really impressed, Momma's boy....”
It slipped my mouth, I could remember the glare he gave Jade the last time for calling him that, but here I am repeating it, but instead of him acting all manly like the last time, he burst out into laughter, like he did find it funny, he tried calming himself down before he speaks again.
“ Momma's boy, sounds cool.”