"I'm sorry." Asher apologized, never breaking eye contact. "I've been acting like a twat lately." Asher admitted and as much as Cailen would like accept the apology and leave it at that, he knew Asher wasn't totally in the wrong.
"So have I." Cailen admitted, running his hands up Asher's arms and looking down at where their bodies met. "Why can't we figure this one out?" Cailen asked, knowing it's what Asher's been thinking as well.
"I don't know, because we're both a little stubborn and think we're right?" Asher suggested, half teasing but half serious.
Cailen gave him a half smile, his hand resting on Asher's shoulders.
"I want you to know, I do support you. I know it might seem like I don't... But I just worry, Ash." Cailen explained, continuing before Asher can interrupt and he can't get his point across.
"I love that being a firefighter makes you happy, and all I want is for you to be happy, but you have to understand what it's like to see you leave everyday and not know if you're coming back." Cailen said quietly, his voice shaking slightly without his permission.
"Cai-" Asher tried but Cailen knew he had to say this now or he wouldn't say it all.
"I know I'm taking things to the extreme, I know I'm overthinking and being paranoid, but I can't help it and I can't help it when I see an article about someone in your profession dying, and want to make sure you're okay. I can't. But if you're adamant on staying a firefighter, you're going to have to deal with that." Cailen told him, looking at his eyes.
"I'll support you, Ash, I always will but like you're asking me to accept that this is what you want to do, I'm going to ask you to accept the fact that I worry. I need you to accept the fact that I'm always going to worry, but just because I voice that worry, doesn't mean I don't support you. Okay?" Cailen asked, hoping he made some sort of sense.
Asher took a moment to process Cailen's words, blinking at him for a moment as if he hadn't expected Cailen to say anything like that.
"Okay." Asher finally said, giving Cailen a half smile.
"Okay." Cailen breathed out, sliding his hands over to cup Asher's face and bring him in for a slow kiss.
"I want to hear about your day at work. I want to hear about the guys and I want to hear about the people you save. Don't think I can't handle it just because my mind always creates the worst scenario possible. I'll deal with it, tell it to shut up and that it's wrong." Cailen said, trying to lighten the mood.
Asher chuckled, leaning forward to give Cailen a kiss on the nose.
"Alright," Asher said, smiling at Cailen. "I will- Zeke, did we wake you up, buddy?" Asher asked, looking over Cailen's shoulder in surprise.
Cailen turned to see Ezekiel standing in the kitchen entryway, his blanket haphazardly thrown over his shoulders and dragging behind him.
Cailen panicked a little, not knowing how long he was standing there and how much he had heard.
He didn't know if this was something that would upset Ezekiel, but Cailen didn't really want to find out.
Ezekiel shook his head, locking eyes with Cailen, his eyes looking sleepy and sad.
"You left." He said around a cough, sounding somewhat betrayed and Cailen almost kicked himself in the ass for making Ezekiel look like that.
"I'm sorry, love." Cailen apologized, walking over to kneel infront of him. "I didn't think you'd notice. I was coming back. Asher and I just had to talk and we didn't want to wake you up." Cailen explained as he pulled the blanket on his shoulders tighter around him.
"How are you feeling?" Cailen asked, because he didn't appear to be sweating anymore and Cailen found that he was nowhere near as hot as he was this morning when he pressed his hand to his forehead.
"Cold." Ezekiel answered, ducking his head into the blanket as if he were trying to collect some heat.
"Well, how about I make you some nice hot soup for lunch. That sound good?" Cailen asked, rubbing his hands over where his arms were covered by the blanket, trying to warm him up some.
Ezekiel nodded his head and before Cailen could say anything else, Ezekiel was being scooped up by Asher, the boy not even protesting for once and just resting his head on Asher's shoulder.
Asher gave him a small smile before carrying Ezekiel down the hall to the living room, leaving Cailen to make that soup he promised.
*****
"Arabella is coming over for supper on Wednesday. She's bringing Samantha and Samuel." Cailen told Asher as they sat on the couch in the living room, Batman cartoons playing on the television even though Ezekiel had fallen asleep almost immediately after he finished his soup.
He was currently cuddled between them, his feet in Cailen's lap and his head tucked into Asher's side, his eyes shut and quiet snores leaving his nose.
It was kind of adorable and Cailen would have taken a picture if it didn't mean possibly waking the sleeping child.
"Oh, that should be fun for Zeke. He'll have someone to play with." Asher replied, looking down at Ezekiel with a small smile.
Cailen nodded but noticed the way Asher's smile sort of fell, a frown replacing it.
"What's wrong?" Cailen asked, happy that he could ask that now without worrying about starting an argument.
"I don't know..." Asher shrugged. "It's just, have you noticed he doesn't really talk about school, or the kids from school? Do you think he's having trouble making friends?" Asher asked, looking to Cailen who turned away, not wanting Asher to see his reaction because he had noticed that.
He wasn't able to not think about that older kid he saw with Ezekiel that one day and the scratch on Ezekiel's face. He didn't want to admit that he was being paranoid about that as well. He hated that his mind did this to him but he couldn't help it.
He knew what he went through when he was younger and he couldn't help but think that maybe Ezekiel was going through the same thing. Not that he had any real evidence, only a gut-feeling and his gut-feelings only seemed to stir up trouble so he didn't want to voice this to Asher.
"What? What is it, Cai?" Asher asked, knowing Cailen all too well.
"I saw Zeke with an older kid one morning..." Cailen explained, glancing at Asher to see him listening intently.
"Yeah... So did I, when I picked him up. Blonde kid?" Asher asked.
Cailen nodded, remembering the kid well as he returned his attention to the Batman cartoon on the television screen.
"What about him?"
"Nothing... I just- Don't older kids tend to pick on younger kids?" Cailen asked, uncertain if he really wanted to go there right now.
He heard Asher sigh, though he wasn't sure if it was out of annoyance or not.
"Cai, look at me." Asher said softly, making Cailen turn to him, seeing that he didn't look annoyed at all. "We'll keep an eye out for anything suspicious, okay?" Asher offered, making Cailen smile because it felt good to voice a worry without starting a fight.
The past couple days, he felt as though he couldn't talk about anything for fear of annoying Asher somehow.
"Okay," Cailen smiled, looking down at the sprawled out boy.
He couldn't help but chuckle at how comfortable he looked and the fact that he didn't even ask before he used them as his own personal human bed. He just kind of sprawled out between them and went to sleep.
"What?" Asher asked, glancing between Ezekiel and Cailen, a smile crossing his lips like he wanted to laugh along as well but didn't know what the joke was.
"Nothing," Cailen shook his head, pulling the blanket over to cover Ezekiel's exposed feet. "Just... Have you noticed how comfortable he's getting?" Cailen asked, glancing down at Ezekiel.
Asher followed his gaze with a smile on his face and nodded, meeting Cailen's eyes again.
"I have." Asher confirmed but Cailen could hear the little extra something in his voice and knew something was wrong.
Cailen could tell Asher knew that he could tell that something was wrong because he shut his eyes, shaking his head slightly then dropping it on the back of the couch, laughing slightly at himself.
"It's nothing." Asher said before Cailen could even speak.
"Obviously not." Cailen pointed out.
"I just wish... I don't know, if he was truly comfortable, don't you think he would be calling us..." Asher trailed off in a sigh, lifting his head to look down at Ezekiel, his fingers beginning to gently play with his hair.
Cailen knew what he was going to say, that he wanted Ezekiel to call them Dad, and Cailen had to admit that so did he, but he also knew that Ezekiel needed time.
Cailen smiled empathically at Asher, reaching out to brush his fingers across Asher's cheek, his hand going to rest on the back of his neck and fingers tangling in the short hair there.
"I know, Ash, but... he just needs time. Look how far he's come already?" Cailen asked, because there was a time where Ezekiel wouldn't even sit beside them, never mind lay on them.
"I know, it's just hard." Asher explained. "It's just- when I'm at work, and I tell the guys about him and they say things like 'you must be a proud father', I can't help but think if that's what I really am." Asher said, frowning at the television screen now that Cailen noticed was done playing the cartoon and just had the DVD symbol bouncing around the screen.
"Of course it is." Cailen said immediately. "Ash, who did he want to talk to when he wasn't feeling good? You." Cailen answered his own question.
"Only to find out if he could watch Batman." Asher argued but Cailen shook his head, gently puling at the hair on Asher's neck to get him to look at him.
"No, he wanted to know if you were coming home so he could watch it with you." Cailen pointed out. "He could have asked me to just watch Batman."
"Yeah, but he knows I can't say ‘no’ and that you’re not into Batman like us." Asher teased, refusing to believe that Ezekiel really did want to watch it with him, that he wanted Asher home when he wasn't feeling good.
Cailen gave him a light smack upside the head to which Asher only grinned at him, dropping his head back on the couch and capturing Cailen's hand between his head and the couch.
"It's true though."
"Be that as it may, I still think he just wanted you home." Cailen assured.
Asher gave him a small 'thank you' smile, turning his head to kiss Cailen’s wrist.
There was a pause before Asher was moving onto the next subject because apparently, with them being a couple stubborn idiots and not really talking much the past couple days, they had a lot to discuss.
"Noah told me he was moving back to Scotland." Asher said, lifting his head.
Cailen was kind of waiting for this. He was waiting to console Asher but he was oddly surprised by the way Asher seemed to be handling it. He didn't seem to be as upset as Cailen thought he would be.
"Yeah, he told me too." Cailen said. "I've been trying to talk him out of it, though."
"I think he should go." Asher said, completely catching Cailen off guard.