Asher had also been quite distant the past couple days, maybe not physically but definitely mentally.
Sure, he would still wrap his arm around Cailen's waist or kiss him on the cheek, but it somehow just felt wrong.
Like he was just going through the motions because he knew this is what he should be doing but like he didn't actually feel like doing it.
Like when he left for work this morning, Asher gave him a chaste kiss to the lips, mumbled out a goodbye and barely looked him in the eye before fleeing for the door.
Their goodbyes in the morning were usually longer- a lot longer- and involved a lot more embracing, kisses and some playful teasing.
This morning, Cailen almost broke down in the kitchen because that's all it's been the past couple days.
He couldn't say Asher was completely to blame because Cailen didn't want to bring it up either but he couldn't help but notice the wedge it was putting in their relationship.
Cailen wanted to be supportive- he did. And he loved that Asher was so passionate about what he does- he did. And if Asher loved doing it so much, and it made him happy, Cailen wanted him to do it- he really did.
But Cailen couldn't get past this gut-sinking feeling that something horrible was going to happen one day and then what was he supposed to do?
Go on living without Asher?
He wasn't sure he could do that. He couldn't imagine a life without Asher and he didn't want to.
He just didn't know a way around this. He knew they'd have to do some comprising.
Cailen would just have to suck it up and accept that this is what Asher wanted to do, but Asher also had to accept the fact that Cailen was going to worry about him, and there's nothing he could do about that.
"Hello?" Asher answered on the second ring, his voice curious and unsure.
"Hey," Cailen replied softly and also a little unsure- the way most of their conversations went at the beginning lately- like they were both testing the waters to see if this would be the time one of them would say something.
"Everything alright?" Asher asked, a bit of concern slipping through the uncertainty.
"Well, actually, Zeke has come down with a fever. Could be the flu but he says his stomach is fine." Cailen told him, turning on the tap to get the water cold and filling up a glass for Ezekiel.
"What? Is he okay?" Asher asked immediately.
Cailen smiled down at the filling glass because it was always amusing when Asher freaked out more than he did.
"He's burning up, has a slight cough and is a little pale, but I don't think it's anything serious." Cailen explained as he grabbed a clean cloth and wet it as well, shutting off the tap and heading for Ezekiel's room with the phone squished between his ear and shoulder.
"I've already called the school and work. Just thought you might want to know." Cailen explained, lowering his voice as he entered Ezekiel's room in case the boy was sleeping.
He wasn't, his eyes were open again and the covers thrown back, probably because he was too hot.
"I should come home." Asher said as Cailen came into the room, setting the water on the nightstand and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I'm coming home." Asher resolved and Cailen could hear a rustling on the other end, Asher probably getting ready to come home.
"You don't have to, Ash." Cailen said, Ezekiel's eyes watching him as he spoke into the phone.
Cailen reached out and pushed Ezekiel's hair back, setting the cloth on his forehead to help bring down his temperature.
"Wait, you're telling me to stay at work?" Asher joked, though it sounded kind of bitter.
Cailen ignored the comment, smiling reassuringly at Ezekiel.
The boy looked exhausted, his eyes fluttering shut once in a while because he probably didn't get much sleep last night.
"Well, if you're coming home, maybe stop and pick up some cough syrup for Zeke so he can get some sleep." Cailen said, realizing they didn't have anything medicinal, at least not for children. "The children's kind, Asher." He reminded him in case he didn't think of that himself.
"Okay. I'll see you soon." Asher replied and it sounded like the end of the conversation so Cailen was about to say his farewell but then Ezekiel was speaking up.
"Is that Asher?" Ezekiel asked, his voice sounding a bit scratchy from coughing all night.
Cailen wondered how they didn't hear him last night as he nodded down at the boy.
"Can I talk to him?" He asked hopefully.
"Of course, love." Cailen said to Ezekiel. "He wants to talk to you, Ash." Cailen told Asher before pulling the phone away from his ear, hearing the surprised 'oh' come from Asher and then handed the phone to Ezekiel.
"Asher?" Ezekiel asked.
Cailen waited patiently, smiling down at Ezekiel because it was nice to see Ezekiel wanted to talk to Asher when he wasn't feeling well.
"No, I'm not. Are you coming home?" Ezekiel said into the phone, then waited for an answer. "Can we watch Batman?" He asked hopefully and smiled when Asher obviously said yes. "Okay, bye." He finished, handing the phone back to Cailen.
"Okay, I'll be home in about half an hour. Should I get anything else?" Asher asked once Cailen had the phone back to his ear.
"Maybe some soup." Cailen suggested.
"Alright, see you soon."
"Bye." Cailen hung up the phone, slipping it back into his pocket. "Okay, try to get some rest, love, and when Asher gets home, you guys can watch Batman, okay?" Cailen said, grabbing the blankets and pulling them over his legs because even though he might be sweating, he could still make it worse if he gets too cold.
"Okay." Ezekiel yawned.
"Okay, I'll be- " Cailen said, getting up from the bed but Ezekiel stopped him.
"Will you lay down with me?" He asked quietly, almost unsure.
Cailen was caught a little off guard, blinking down at the boy for a second before composing himself.
"Of course." Cailen smiled, turning and climbing over Ezekiel so he was on his side, "Try to sleep though. You'll probably feel better when you wake up." Cailen said.
Ezekiel only yawned in response, turning towards Cailen where he snuggled up close. Ezekiel then grabbed Cailen's hand, holding it to his chest and soon, Cailen could hear soft snores coming from the now sleeping boy.
Cailen watched as his breathing evened out, his face relaxed and his grip loosened on Cailen's but he didn't let go, not that Cailen minded.
He was happy that Ezekiel wanted him to lay down with him. He was happy that Ezekiel felt comfortable enough to ask Cailen of that and couldn't help but smile to himself.
They were making progress with him, even it felt like it was taking forever.
Cailen had to remind himself of how he felt when he was young- of the fear of letting Eden and Dean in, in case he only got his little heart stomped on.
Cailen knew Asher and himself would never do that, but Ezekiel didn't.
For the past four years, all Ezekiel has known is loss and rejection, so even though Cailen wanted Ezekiel to trust them, he couldn't blame him for taking his time.
They would just have to be patient and try to prove to Ezekiel that they aren't going anywhere.
*****
Cailen isn't sure when he had fallen asleep beside Ezekiel, and he isn't sure how long he's been asleep for, but when he's woken up by Asher peering down at him with an amused sort of smile, yet completely fond, he knows it's been longer than half an hour by how the sunlight was pouring in through the windows.
It took Cailen a moment to remember what was going on as he blinked up at Asher.
Once he did, he rolled over as far as the wall would allow, stretching out his body after being cramped up on a small bed for who knew how long, a low moan leaving his mouth.
When he looked back to Asher again, he had a small smile on his face as he regarded Cailen.
"What time is it?" Cailen asked, his voice sounding raspy from sleep.
"Almost eleven." Asher replied, obviously amused.
"What?" Cailen asked, surprised. He looked over to see Ezekiel still asleep, still loosely holding onto his hand, then looked back to Asher. "When did you get home?"
"A few hours ago. I've just been cleaning up. I didn't want to wake you, guys." Asher explained.
Asher nodded his head toward the door, indicating that Cailen should follow him out but Asher obviously didn't understand how comfy he was.
Cailen pulled a face at him, pouting slightly to which Asher only chuckled and nodded his head towards the door again.
"Come on, you've slept all morning." Asher said and this time, he left Cailen to follow, making Cailen grumble out a couple of choice words while trying to climb over a sleeping boy without waking him.
So far, things felt a little better between them.
There hadn't been any awkward glances or any tension that Cailen noticed, but then again, he'd only been awake for a few minutes. Cailen hoped it stayed like this. He didn't like the way things were developing between them but he also knew they couldn't just ignore this anymore.
It might be okay now, but one day it won't be anymore and not talking about it could make things worse.
So as Cailen followed Asher down the hall and into the kitchen where Cailen noticed Asher had been cleaning, he promised himself to bring it up, and hopefully sort it out.
"Oh, you've been busy." Cailen acknowledged, looking around the kitchen.
Asher smiled at him, turning to lean against the sink and holding his arm out to Cailen, indicating for Cailen to come closer.
Cailen did, stepping toward Asher and taking his extended hand. Asher pulled him close, letting go of Cailen's hand to place both on Cailen's hips, holding him pressed against him.
Asher kind of just stared at Cailen then, his thumbs rubbing circles into his hips and Cailen could tell- he could tell by the look in Asher's eyes that something had changed back between them.