Until I got home, I still couldn't get out of my mind the conversation Roven and I had earlier that caused my body to become weak. I lost the will to work all day. I just want to lie down and sleep. My body and my heart are tired from the pain that keeps coming back to me.
I quietly entered the house. I just went straight up the stairs. I want to lie down and rest my body. Myself. My mind is a mess. I don't know how to feel about Roven. But I know he still has a place in my heart that no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, I can't do anything about it.
"You're already there, Miles. Have you eaten dinner?"
I turned to Zandy who was just leaving his room. I looked at him for a moment. I suddenly remembered his condition because of me. I closed my eyes for a moment. I was annoyed because I remembered what Roven and Zandy did before. When will I forget the past?
"Don't worry about me, Zandy I can take care of myself," I said without emotion but I could feel the annoyance there. I turned my back on him and entered my room. Even though I try to push the past out of my mind, it keeps creeping in there. I'm annoyed and angry with Zandy again because he's the reason why I'm hurting.
I leaned behind the door, after closing it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I suddenly felt guilty because I was angry with Zandy despite his saving me.
After I calmed myself down, I decided to take a bath to somehow relieve the weight of my body and feel comfortable. I need to calm myself down because I feel like I'm only making myself worse by thinking about the past. But I hope it's that easy to forget everything, that in the blink of an eye, all the pain will disappear.
I closed my eyes when I felt the cold water dripping on my body. I felt the flow through me, bringing comfort.
After I showered and dried my hair, I thought of leaving the room and heading to the terrace of the house. I want to watch the night and feel the cold embrace of the wind. Fortunately, the weather was good, I could see the scattered stars in the sky from where I was. Somehow that gave me comfort.
I want to forgive. I want to free myself from the pain and anger but I can't because of the pain that I can't get rid of or maybe because I'm not ready to forgive.
"Why are you still awake?"
I blinked. I hugged myself because of the cold air and faced Zandy who was standing not far from me.
He stepped forward and grabbed the steel bar that blocked the Terrace, then faced the sky. I felt guilty again because I was rude to him earlier and didn't even think about his condition and that I was the reason.
"How's your back?" I asked back, then avoided him as he turned to me.
"I'm feeling good, now, Miles," he answered. "I saw you earlier when you enter the house and it looks like something bad happened," he said as if he was curious about me.
I turned to him for a moment and bowed. I don't know if I should tell him what happened. I also don't understand why I felt annoyed with him just now but suddenly it disappeared. Maybe because I still remember how he saved me.
"Didn't you ask me what I'm going to do when my ex comes back?" I started while looking at the vast sky. I smiled bitterly. "I thought I'd already moved on but the truth is not yet because of the pain I felt before. I can't face my ex without blaming him for our past. I want to ask you, Zandy, what will you do when he returns?" I'm asking about Roven.
When I turned to him, I saw him frowning but a smile appeared on his lips. "So, you're talking about Roven? Have you ever talked to him?"
"For what else, Zandy? As far as I'm concerned, we don't have anything else to talk about."
"What if the person you love that you thought would be with you forever comes back after a year? After he cheated on you."
I turned to him. I frowned. After a year? Who is he referring to? "Who are you talking about?"
"It doesn't matter who it is, Miles. But do you know what's better for both of you? Closure. Make everything clear for both of you so that both of you can move forward in your current life. Yes, isn't easy to forget and forgive, it takes time but if you don't do it, it will be you who keeps hurting yourself and not them," Zandy said seriously while looking at me. A smile still appeared on his lips.
I was immediately speechless. I couldn't help but stare at Zandy's handsome face while saying those words. His face was very serious, far from when I first met him. I can feel every word he uttered. I felt my mind and heart calm in my chaotic system because of Roven's return.
"Are you saying all that because of your conscience for stealing Roven?" I asked.
He smiled. "Are you still thinking that I'm the reason why Roven left you? Miles, you need to talk to him about those matters and I'm not in the place to tell you his reason. It's better if he would tell you. "
I frowned. What is he saying? "What do you mean, Zandy? What's the real reason?" I'm curious. My mind was filled with curiosity about the reason Zandy says.
"As I said, I have no right to tell you. You should hear everything from him yourself. And besides, you need to open yourself for the closure for your peace of mind. You're believing those lies that were allowed of Roven to believe. Face the truth of your past, forget and forgive, and don't let yourself be hurt anymore because of that anger and pain."
Why do I feel the concern in his voice? Why did I feel like every word caressed my heart? Someone whispers to me and says that's what I should do. I'm not even bothered by what he says about me and Roven.
"Zandy, I'm confused," I admitted. I don't get the reason Zandy says. I can't think of any other reason. What lie did Roven let me believe? The mess! I don't get that point. "I don't know what to think, Zandy. What is the truth?"
"You'll find out the reason if you talk to Roven, Miles. You deserve to be happy and letting those pain and anger go, is one thing you can do to make yourself happy. Goodnight!"
I was speechless and stunned because of what Zandy said. I just realized that he was no longer in front of me. I closed my eyes tightly, then turned back to the vast sky. I don't know why it's nice to hear the words Zandy said. There were many questions in my mind, but the strange emotion I felt because of what Zandy said was more dominant than that.