Cailen's feet thumped against the pavement, the sun beating down on him making it too hot for his jumper anymore.
He awkwardly took it off over his white tshirt while juggling his bag and continuing to walk at the same time, tying it around his waist as he hurried down the streets of Beverwood, focused solely on getting home.
He didn't know exactly what would happen when he got there but he knew he couldn't leave without any kind of explanation.
It wouldn't be fair to his family. It might be hard as hell to say, but he had to tell them.
Even if they do throw him out, at least everyone would have the answers they needed. Of course it would suck if that's what happened but it needed to be done.
Cailen was tired of hiding, of lying and pretending. He's been tired for a while now and he thinks he's finally snapped.
He was kind of glad he ended up at Arabella's. He doesn't think he would have realized what he needed to do without her. He'd probably still be roaming the streets of Beverwood with no place to go and no idea what to do.
At least right now, he had a goal and he could deal with what he had to do later if it came down to that. He promised Arabella that he would meet up with her again for a proper chat when he could think clearly and remember everything he wanted to know.
She promised to try and tell him everything she could and made it very clear that she knew they could never have the relationship a mother and son should have, but that she would like to have some kind of relationship.
She wanted Cailen to properly meet her daughters, err... his sisters, and Charlie, her husband.
He promised that he would- one day, but that he might need time. He did want to meet them, he just wasn't sure he could meet them right away.
But that was something to think about another day. He had enough to think about at the moment.
Cailen was nearing his home and it seemed the closer he got, the harder his heart pounded in his chest.
He really couldn't believe he was doing this.
After all these years of lying, he was finally going to tell the truth, or at least he hoped he was going to tell the truth. He had every intention of doing so, but he could never be sure of himself.
He supposed if Asher told them everything, he wouldn't have a choice but if Asher hadn't and Noah had stuck to his word, he'd have a way out of this. He could maybe spin this around somehow and come out of it with his secret still a secret.
But the thought had a cloud of dread filling his heart.
Not only did he not want to do that, but he couldn't imagine how much he'd hurt Asher if he did.
Who knows what lie he would have to tell to get out of this and any lie that he tells is bound to hurt Asher.
No, Cailen couldn't lie anymore. He couldn't. He had to do this.
He can't remember the last time he's actually been afraid to walk into his home, if that's what it still is anymore.
He didn't want to think that they'd tell him to come home only to throw him out on his ass but then, maybe Asher hadn't told them everything? Maybe Noah stuck to his word?
He had a tiny shred of hope that everything would be alright- Arabella had promised as much as he slipped out of the door after a goodbye and a promise to call her so they could meet up again.
But old habits die hard and Cailen just couldn't help but let that shred of hope be devoured by the enormous doubt in himself that he's come so accustomed to.
He turned the doorknob anyway, pushing his fears and doubts aside, or at least trying to, and stepped into his home.
It was quieter than he thought it would be, then again, it was a big house.
There was essentially no indication that anyone was even home, never mind where they were, so Cailen toed off his shoes and made his way through the house.
The living room was empty, so was Dean's office. The laundry room, although had a load running at the moment, was empty.
It wasn't until he made his way into the kitchen that he came across his mother and father.
Eden was leaning against the sink with her arms folded over her chest and a look of worry on her face. Dean was in front of her, his hands on her waist, his thumbs rubbing comforting circles into her hips.
"I just have this feeling," Eden said, looking down in between them before continuing. "That something really bad is happening. I just know something bad has happened and Cailen won't come home or call. My baby is out there and I can't- Oh, Cailen!"
Eden cut her sentence off when she looked up to meet Dean's eyes and instead caught sight of Cailen standing in the entryway.
Eden slipped out from between Dean and the sink and made her way over to him, engulfing him in a tight hug and not letting go.
Dean came over as well, setting a hand on Cailen's shoulder and squeezing.
"Where were you, son? Why didn't you call any of us?" Dean asked, trying to cover up his relief with anger but not succeeding very well.
"I, uh- I-" Cailen's heart had never pounded so hard in his life with the weight of his father's stare and his secret hanging over his head- one they clearly didn't know about. "I went to Hamdover and my phone died." Cailen said honestly, the words he knows he should be saying getting stuck in his throat.
"That early in the morning?" His mother questioned at the same time Dean asked his own.
"Why did you go to Hamdover?"
"I- Well, mom didn't tell you?" He asked, finally being allowed some space between him and Eden.
Cailen figured Dean's question would be easier to answer than Eden's.
"He went to see Arabella." Eden said quietly.
Realization crossed Dean's face as he gave an understanding nod and a small smile.
"But why so early? You should have let someone know. Why are William and the boys so worried?" Eden questioned faster than Cailen could reply.
"I- I don't know, mom. Can I go talk to them and then I'll let you know?" He said, the lie tasting awful in his mouth and the promise weighing heavy on his heart.
He didn't want to have to keep lying to them but the thought of telling the truth had him nearing a panic attack.
"They're in your room." Eden answered softly, obviously knowing he was lying but figuring that her sons might have to work this out on their own.
Cailen nodded and gave his dad a reassuring hug and his mom a kiss on the cheek. He left them in the kitchen and made his way to his room.
He felt like an intruder to be honest. His heart was pounding away as if he were breaking into someone's home and hoping to not get caught, which he knew was ridiculous because this was his home after all.
But it didn't feel so ridiculous when he saw Stella going into her room and it felt like his heart jumped into his throat.
Cailen froze at the top of the stairs, eyes wide and hand gripping the banister, but Stella just smiled and asked a simple question.
"Phone died?" She asked, making his grip loosen and heart calm.
He nodded, a small smile creeping over his lips as Stella chuckled.
"I knew everyone was getting their pants in a twist over nothing." She said then continued into her room.
Cailen wondered if she would still think it's nothing if she knew the truth. He continued to his room, taking a deep breath before trying the door knob only to find it locked.
He could hear murmured words on the other side, recognizing William's deep tone but not able to make anything out.
He lifted his hand, resting his knuckles against the wood of the door and took another deep breath before knocking softly.
The reply was instant.
"Mom! Please, just get Cailen to come home." William called out.
"It's not mom." Cailen replied, his voice quiet but someone still heard him because the next thing he knew, the door was flying open.