Chapter thirty nine
The next few weeks, I'd decided, were supposed to be reviving.
Do those things you never did before. Although I still missed Simon, pretending it didn't hurt me was almost easy.
There I was, limping back and forth around the gym while supervising and having completely vain conversations with total strangers.
Boxing was off the list until I was better.
I hadn't still touched Joey's book, honestly. I'd caught him gawking severally, asking me tons of questions with his eyes I pretended not to understand.
Maybe I had the whole changing plan, but religion still seemed cringe to me. Either that or I still needed some time to heal from the pain of my childhood, from the unanswered prayers and my family's death.
It'd been years but the thought seemed to never leave my mind.
"So…Max is dead," Emily hadn't tasted a single bite of her burger, neither had she been able to look me in the eye for the past two hours.
Lunch in public was also one of those things I chose to try.
However, neither of us had been able to eat anything. I bet she'd been too engrossed in my story to sustain an appetite.
When I couldn't make up an answer I could place correctly, she chose to go on. "I mean, they killed Noah, but killing them didn't change that, did it?"
Maybe if she could just stop rubbing the main folly of my revenge in, it wouldn't hurt so much.
Digging my fork into my bowl of salad for absolutely no reason, I shrugged. "I'd known Noah wasn't going to come back. What I didn't know is, the revenge was only going to add to my misery, not end it."
I stopped playing with my food and glanced right.
Emily Randall hadn't picked up no matter how much I'd called her. And so, Joey did an excellent job handling her from her home and over here on a forceful lunch, although she'd calmed now.
The restaurant was nothing too overly swanky, just the right one to give me quality and simplicity when I needed it.
We were seated by the wall length window overlooking a fairly used street. Now and then, I'd glance out just to avoid staring at her for too long. It just kind of brought memories back in. "I swear, I tried to save him."
Finally, she raised her eyes to look at me for a second or two; I couldn't look back. Not until her hand came over mine and she squeezed it, well that was not what I expected.
While I was gawking at our hands, I heard her say. "Simon will come back, that I'm certain. I believe he wants you to make a change first."
I doubted she was right. I'd hurt Simon, done exactly the opposite of all he'd told me to. For him to come back, it was only going to be by the grace of…God?
"I'm glad you're trying to correct things now, she said with utmost cheerfulness mixed with a teaspoon of sadness." Although I was not in support of the rough handling, I believe I needed to hear your own part of the story. Noah sounds like he was a good person, and I understand your anger towards his death."
I smiled sadly and tried to read her face for any trace of genuineness in them. She seemed serious enough.
"Let's relish what we paid for, shall we," I pulled my hand from underneath hers awkwardly to grip my fork.
Her eyes stayed on me for a moment before straying off finally to her food.
***
Speaking of correcting mistakes, I'd decided to do something else.
From where I say upon that same stone bench on the maze lawn, I watched the activity going on at the back doorway.
The orphanage hadn't changed a bit; maybe a couple of new faces, but still pretty much the same jolly shell of kids. Some old ones had been gleefully adopted, while a few like Janet, unfortunately, had passed away.
The news had dug a deep wound in me, more than any of these physical injuries hurt. However, like most other times, I'd remained calm and still, because I'd gotten used to losing people I got too attached to.
Hopefully, Emily was going to be an exception.
Despite the age difference that existed between us, our friendship was one I'd hold on to until my second chance at living ran out.
Smacking myself back to reality, I returned my stare to the doorway. There was Maryanne along with a much older nun smiling down at the three new kids with them.
Some of the new faces weren't totally new to me. I'd urged them to take Jake's kids in. Rather than switching from the mercy of one neighbor to another, this orphanage was totally what I owed to them.
Having killed both their parents, I believed I was responsible to make sure they were kept alive and well. Obviously, I couldn't babysit, but Anna could.
Speaking of Anna, she was walking back to me with a sad smile on her lips. Here goes another lecture on how proud they were of the "saint" I'd become.
"Funny what a near death experience could do to somebody," she surrendered to the bench clumsily, childishly. Was she okay or was she like this everytime new kids came in. That was sadist.
"Are you always this happy whenever a bunch of kids lose their parents," I asked suddenly out of genuine confusion.
Her jaws pretty much fell open when she faced me." You're crazy! I'm happy when kids like that finally find a home that accepts them for who they are."
"Sure," my eyes squeezed. That was a pleasant way to end a conversation. All the while, I watched the kids ahead. They still seemed dazed about where they'd suddenly landed in a matter of a year, and I felt terrible about it.
Will coming clean to them help the situation?
"Where did you find them anyway," Anna tossed the question quite casually. Nun or not, she could be a thorn in the skin sometimes when she made everything seem so normal.
Just so I wouldn't be ignoring a question outrightly, I replied. "I'd be very appreciative if we didn't talk about this, Maryanne."
Gracefully, she only pouted her mouth and glanced away coyly; hopefully, she understood.
***