Chapter forty two
"I never wished for this," it was an honest plea plea from my side. Truly, I'd never really felt as low as I did now, all pride or ego now flushed out like it never was. "Couldn't I have still become who I am today without having to go through…all of that alone? Would anything changed if Noah was with me. I miss my brother."
"Would you have run away from that hell of a life if Noah remained," he shrugged and glanced at me. "Or would you have met Mr Allendro, been the beneficiary of his will or become a sportsman? It's my opinion, I'm not speaking for God or anything."
"It wasn't much of a hell with Noah there," I said, meeting his eyes with a snarl."You know what's hell? Being that shattered, strikingly rich boxer who runs a five star gym. The point of my prayers was to make me happy along with my brother after all he did for me, even if we remained in Montana."
"And you really think Uncle Timothy wouldn't have killed Noah himself with that sharp mouth he had," he snickered, returning his attention to the glass paintings once more. "Take Noah out of the picture temporarily, urge you to reach this far, return him to the picture."
"That way you feel God chose cost four lives!" I laughed sarcastically. As much as his explanation did appear accurate to an average man, it wasn't waterproof. "If you so claim that was the reason behind all the drama, then why wasn't I stopped from ending innocent lives of those I called his murderers?"
He smiled again, an amused kind of thing that made me revisit my question. Was anything wrong with it?
Soon though, I understood.
"There wouldn't be any freewill if He actually controlled people, would there," he explained."All He does is pull some strings that'll urge us to take the right step. If you then refuse to, you tend to learn things the hard way. Mr Allendro advised you, Simon warned you, you escaped being caught by the police narrowly and I'm certain you conscience also did. And when you choose to wait until your mistakes almost cost you your life, you blame God?!"
Coyly, I lowered my gaze in utter embarrassment. It was the guilt again, the feeling now that I was the only problem I had.
" Bad things happen, yes," the Priest went on as his pitch lowered. " Most times…even I can't comprehend. They tend to make us lose faith and courage."
I heard him laugh shortly, "I mean, even Christ felt God had left Him in the story of his crucifixion. You know what we do then, we try to fix the ones we can, trust for the ones we can't with the hope that we'll heal and everything will be fine. That, Jeffery, is the true definition of peace."
A needed chain of silence followed his words while we both remained there for several ticking moments. For the first time that period, my harsh breathing normalised.
Having no further points to nullify his claims, the best I could do was hate myself. There was supposed to be some sort of mirth that should have come with the news of Noah being alive; strangely though, there was nothing but extreme pain.
However, after my thoughts finally pieced into one, I glared at the Priest. "Maybe my name is viral…but, I never told you my story. How did you know about Noah?"
Just then, I saw a mocking smile upon his lips and he stared me up with a dramatic gasp. "God revealed it!"
When my brows cocked, he stopped smiling. "I'm kidding. Simon and Noah are great friends of mine. Actually, I was expecting you here. They told me all about you."
Award for careless tattletales.
"Presently, Noah thinks you're dead," his face paled as his eyes bore into mine. "He speaks of you like one big, proud brother. However, I'm not sure he'll be so proud if he knows what you've become."
For a priest, he was deadpan straightforward…and mean.
Wasn't this the point he was supposed to preach of mercy and how I had every chance to be forgiven?
"Would you love to meet your brother now?" He smirked with raw temptation.
***
I was curious, nervous; I wasn't certain what to expect. Would he recognise me? Was he still loving and kind or had pain transformed him like it did to me?
Was he tall…or short? Totally unnecessary, but, I felt jumpy inside. Like a sixteen year old, hormonal male at the verge of his love confession.
More seriously, I had questions. Did you resurrect Noah? If that wasn't your body, then what was your necklace doing in its hand. Amongst many others.
There was one though whose burden hurt almost physically I felt it could tear my heart open.
If you really were alive this whole time, why did you leave me for sixteen years without word? Where did you go?
I'd expected Reverend Howard to take me to anywhere at all. However, I did not expect being taking to a hospital to meet Noah.
The thought that something was wrong with him quickened my heartbeat, made my skin perspire and my breathing deepen.
My steps were slow and careful while I followed behind him, because if this was one dream cloud, I did not want it to pop.
"Come on in," Howard gestured, squeezing through a doorway leading into a spacious hall filled with every kind of person.
SPECIAL CASES
That's what they tagged the room. Hiding my anxiety was a bit more difficult now. There I was stumbling into carts, patients and nurses all scattered randomly about the large space. It was almost uncomfortably crowded, making me flinch now and then.
My eyes studied Howard a few feet before me while he squeezed through hospital beds. Unlike myself though, he left some friendly remarks with every single soul.
You know, watching the lives of extremely good people made me appear extremely bad, quite accurately.
Anyways, back to the present, I saw the Priest pull open one of the doors leading out of this crowded death shell. Giving me one last assuring nod, he stepped in and held the door still for me.
One beat after another, memories flooded in.
Our childhood, secrets, Mother, suffering, Uncle. Everything.
While my gaze fell on the figure of a man on a wheelchair whose back was faced to me, I wondered if this was really happening.
The first nod he gave towards being my brother was the color of his hair. To me, seeing those ebony nape long strands was all the confirmation I needed to know this wasn't a joke.
Standing still at the doorway, I felt my fingers start to shiver with the fear of a serious kind of crime. Homicide.
Not for self defense, revenge or anything, but for a misplaced, non-existent reason fueled by anger.
"Noah," Howard shut the door and walked round to face him afterwards. "Someone is here to see you."
Apart from the three of us, the rest of the room was pleasantly empty.
Before now, my brother had been staring out the window with no emotion at all evident on his face. But, at the Priest's words, he turned his head to the other side to give me a half glance.
That was when I saw the scar on his left eye I always knew he had. It was Noah.
Liquid was drooling down my cheeks by now as I walked round to face him. And finally, as we stayed opposite each other, him on a wheelchair and I standing, our eyes met.
"I'll leave you two alone," said Reverend Howard with a slight tip of his head. He used a few seconds to send me a smile right before he walked away and pulled the door close behind him.
Now… back to the bromance.
Why was I panting? I wasn't sure.
Or maybe, it was just because I remembered butchering someone, shooting another, injecting one other and burning the last because they'd killed my brother.
But, watching that same brother in flesh and blood with my very own eyes right before me only showed me the grievance of what I'd done.
His eyes on me turned cautious, confused, and I was guessing he didn't know what to make of this.
"Who are you?" The question left his lips with a deep, calculated voice.
How old was he again? Thirty.
Funny how time changed people.
After I'd blinked the last of my tears out, I lowered myself unto the couch behind me and reached into my sweatshirt.
From behind it, I pulled out the necklace around my neck and displayed the half shape of a heart to him. "I'm your brother."
And I saw his eyes widen.