Liza eventually woke up, and everything had changed. You didn't guess it right. But the first person she asked wasn't Kiko, Kate, or me, but Lawrence. It hammered my heart several times, and it bled and hurt like hell. But what else can I do? Despite being sad, I know that what I did was the right thing to do.
"Thank God you're already awake, Liza. Did you know what happened to you when you weren't in your body?" Kate asked.
"Yup, I know everything. Honestly, I was just stuck inside my body, but I didn't know what to do in order to get control of myself again, but that ghost—that ghost was so strong," Liza replied.
I felt ashamed to hear those words from Liza. I thought that she didn't know what I did with her body, which was controlled by Shaula. Perhaps she was crying about what I did, and I regret it all.
"I'm sorry, Liza, I didn't know that—" I hadn't finished my words when she interrupted as if she didn't want to listen to my explanation.
"You did not know that I was just inside my body, watching every move made by that despicable ghost who truly admired you? And what kind of human are you? Why can't you prevent yourself from harassing me? Perhaps that's also the reason why nobody likes you: you're so rude. Unlike Lawrence, you can't respect those girls." Liza's tears stream down her cheeks.
My heart was poked a hundred times by a mallet, not because of her words, but because I hurt her feelings. I felt Liza's anger reaching the underworld as she could kill me because I lost her virginity.
"Now, get out of my house! Forget that we are still friends, because I don't have an inconsiderate friend. I don't want to see your face again!" Her exclamations pushed me away, so I stood up and stared back, despite the fact that I knew her emotions had reached the clouds.
"I told you to get out!" Liza exclaimed again. "Are you deaf?"
Honestly, I want to stay with her, even just for a while. I want to turn back and embrace her tightly, but there's nothing else I can do since she wants me to leave. I want to say sorry again and again, but perhaps the best thing to do now is to go away and let everything become cooler, because I don't want to be burned by her anger.
I walked down the lonesome street (like an insane man) towards my house. I don't know why my shoulders drooped. No matter how much I raised them again and again, they still drooped as they weighed a ton. I don't like to make myself believe that the earth is turning slowly right now, but my instinct believes it by itself.
Curious is what I became. I don't know why I can hardly reach my house, even though my dogs are now barking. Many things are whispering in my ear. They are telling me something, such as I am doing the wrong thing. I just wanted to die now in order to stop them, so I coerced my feet to walk towards my house, and I eventually reached it.
The door laughed as I opened it, but it cried as I angrily punched it many times. I wanted that door to be broken, but my hands ached, so I stopped and took a rest for a while by sitting on the level. At the same time, perhaps Magdalene had woken up because of the noise I made, which was the reason why she went towards me.
"What's happening to you, son?" Magdalene asked. Because of her voice, I knew she looked worried, although I wasn't looking at her face. Honestly, I'm even mad at her, and I want to punch her in the face, but I was just preventing myself from doing it.
I stood up and carried my whole weight, which I could hardly do. I didn't know why I was so heavy, but I continued walking towards my bedroom. I was at the front of the door when my mind quickly changed, and instead of entering there, I entered the repulsive kitchen and searched for something fantastic until I found it above the wardrobe.
It looks sharp and glistening as it blinds me when hit by the warm sunlight that enters through the crystal windows. But everything turned dark after some seconds when I pierced my bloodless heart. I realized that it wasn't totally bloodless because I felt that it was bleeding, streaming down my abdomen. It even spurts out from my chest, nose, and mouth.
Although it was painful—not going further—what I did to Liza, what she did to me, what I did to Shaula, to Lawrence, to my father, and to Messy Sippy are more painful when combined. And even though it was painful, I chose to smile, like being freed from the sins I committed to everyone.
I smiled because I don't have to be played by destiny anymore. I smiled because smiling takes all the pain away. I smiled because I will be having a birthday party with my beloved mother soon.
I lost consciousness of smiling, and when I woke up, everything had changed. Damn, I'm within the darkness. There's nothing else I can see, except the darkness itself. I felt uncomfortable and became more uncomfortable when someone began calling my despicable name.
"Ezekiel! Ezekiel!" The voice sounds familiar, as I've heard it before.
I searched for where the voice came from: above the ceiling? There's no ceiling. Below my bed? There's no bed. Lying beside me? I'm not lying. Inside my pocket? Sh*t, I'm not wearing any pants. The cabinet? I'm inside the coffin. She might be in the toilet bowl, and I'm talking to her.
"Ezekiel!" The voice sounds near to me. "I'm here! I'm here!"
It took me a lifetime to realize that she was none other than the woman who greatly cared for and loved me. The woman who is willing to give up everything for me. The woman whom I eventually found inside my heart.