Special Chapter: Maki Regrets
[Sendai, Japan April 18,2015]
Little do I know that Candice had already ended our play a long time ago.
What was that? I've been insulted, slapped with the truth that I have nothing to be proud of, I got dumped, and fooled so hard.
All in just a moment... On Christmas Eve.
I had no choice but to go back to my empty house.
I opened Cher's laptop. Her FB was still logged in. I read the messages of this Nihilist guy.
As I read through their conversations, I can attest that Nihilist is Caleb, real Caleb.
So, he finally found Cher.
I thought what Candice said and did earlier was the worst thing that happened to me that day.
This hurts the most.
Then I saw the pictures of Mom and Dad holding hands, Cher and Leily, with Caleb. They were eating a sumptuous dinner.
Cher also had pictures behind the cherry blossom tree together with Caleb and he is carrying Leily in his arm while Leily's head rested on his shoulder.
It looks like a family picture photo shoot.
It pricked my heart so hard to see Cher with another guy, most especially, Caleb. It should be me. I can't contain my tears anymore.
Is this the same pain that I inflict Cher? How can she endure this pain? Over and over.
I called Mom. I can hear the laughter in the background. Leily's screech and adorable laughter filled the background.
I miss my daughter so much. She's the most adorable in the world. I can't wait to carry her in my arms again.
I just want to talk to her and hear her say 'Daddy' but Cher did not give me the chance.
She told me to consider them as dead. How could I do that? I don't want them dead. I want them back.
It's not too late. We can still fix things. Maybe if I go to Japan, she will see that I am serious and sincere.
And that is what I did. I went to Japan the next year. If only I could go right away, I will. But I have no money. I spent my savings on gifts for Candice, of course, that is to prove to her that I can also afford to buy expensive gifts. Yeah, it was all for show-off.
I wish that I didn't.
It was on Cher's birthday that I was able to fly to Japan. I was able to know her address by digging into her laptop.
I bought with me the only picture that the three of us were together. It's the only family picture that we had because if we have pictures, she'll be posting them on FB and Candice will not going to like it. So, for that reason, I don't take pictures with her, only with Leily.
Before I went to her house, I bought a bouquet of red roses. When we were young, I asked Caleb what kind of flower and color should I give Cher? He told me that she likes red roses.
When I rang the doorbell, an African woman answered through the video doorbell. I told her that I am Cher's husband, Leily's Daddy, and I even showed her our family picture.
Good thing, Leily saw me, she excitedly called me 'Daddy' and run toward me. I lifted her up and tears fell down from my eyes. I miss my Leily so much.
I was in the kitchen playing with Leily when Cher arrived from the market. I expected her to be mad if she will see me. She called Caleb's name. Maybe she's expecting him to come but she found me instead.
I thought they were already living together.
I called her 'Lovey'. It's been a while. I ceased from calling her that, she should likewise. I said we're not teens anymore for sweet-nothings, we should quit using terms of endearment.
But the truth, I'm ashamed of her. That's all.
And now, she told me not to call her Lovey. Now I knew what she felt back then.
She called me a stranger. Nobody.
I heard the helper call her 'Ms. Takumi'.
So, Caleb is still not marrying her. I wonder what took him so long. Well, it's good enough for me.
I tried anything to have her body once more. Maybe if we would have a baby again, I could take her back.
But I tried it all, I've been aggressive, gentle, I even plead. She doesn't want me anymore.
Before, she easily yields to my touch. But now...
Maybe she's yielding to his embrace. I saw men's stuff in her closet and bathroom.
I told her that I want to sleep beside her and Leily for one last time. After that, I will let her go.
Of course, I just said it but I have no plan to do it. Instead, when she was already asleep, I took her phone and texted Caleb to go back to Sendai, ASAP. It's an emergency.
Yeah, I know. A cruel plan.
But what can I do? I'm desperate.
Caleb truly loves her. Just a simple text of 'Cher' he's quick to respond.
I hugged Cher from behind when she was sleeping.
The door opened I know it was Caleb. Then Leily screamed 'Daddy'.
I hugged Cher tightly, it was too painful to hear what Leily has been saying. She's grateful to his Daddy because she was given a white Persian cat. I even heard, 'I love you, Daddy.'
Cher woke up and realized what was happening.
I seized the opportunity to propose but she wasn't interested. She was more concerned about Caleb being hurt.
The wedding proposal is one of Cher's dreams and silently asking of me. I thought that if I grant her the proposal she desires, she will never refuse.
But I got it all wrong. As Cher said, their world doesn't rotate on me.
What hurts the most, Caleb is now their world.
Caleb was gone for many months and Cher has been dysfunctional since then.
I learned that the day I proposed was also the day that Caleb was supposed to propose to her too.
But she said that I ruined it again.
I stayed in her house for many months without asking for her permission.
She doesn't care anyway whether I stay or not, my presence never matters to her.
I no longer exist in her world.
It's too painful to see her crying every day, patiently waiting for Caleb.
In Christmas Eve, all of Caleb's relatives were present in Cher's house. It's awkward if they will see me and I will be an outcast so I stayed in the guess room.
The living room was filled with laughter and chitchats. Maybe they are the same people I heard over the phone when I called Mom last year.
They are happily feasting and exchanging gifts.
I've never felt so alone, so jealous, and so empty in my entire life.
Thanks be to my sweet Leily, she remembered me. She brought me food and gift.
When Leily said, 'I love you, Daddy', I cried.
So, on her birthday, 8th of April, I gave her a silver locket necklace that has pictures of me and her. She's psyched dor that gift and I'm glad I made her happy.
Cher almost forgot Leily's birthday, all she's thinking of is the return of Caleb. It's also in April when the cherry blossom tree blooms.
The 18th came, it was supposed to be their wedding day if I didn't get in their way.
Caleb's relatives from India came, Mr. and Mrs. Malik, Mom and Dad came all the way from Tokyo to witness their marriage.
But they also left in the night after waiting the entire day and Caleb didn't come.
Cher kept on waiting until almost midnight.
It was hurtful to see her crying while waiting for another man.
When we were together before, was she this lonely waiting for me?
I didn't know then how much I hurt her when I left her all alone for another woman.
Now that I am looking at her crying...
And Caleb came to wipe her tears.
Holding her in his arms.
Kissing her.
Then showing her a ring while on his bended knee.
And she nodded over and over to say 'yes'.
It's all over for me. I raise my hands up in surrender. I'm letting her go and wish her all the happiness that she deserves.
I just realized after witnessing how Caleb man up for Cher:
Cher's physical and mental health was put at risk just to give me the greatest gift of life. Her body and mind suffered so much yet I accused her of being crazy.
How could I do this to a gentle soul? The love of my life. The mother of my child.
I know I could never redeem myself as a cheater. It is only by Cher's forgiveness, out of her forgiving heart. I wish I could turn back time to the moment when I loved her with all my heart.
I already had so many chances. Oftentimes, chances do fade. And now, mine ran out.
She doesn't have to take revenge on me for all evil that I have done against her.
For regret alone is enough. Good enough as killing me softly and tenderly.
Yes, I regret it.
~~~~~
Sorry po kung hindi malinis pagkakasulat ko, no time mag proofread at edit. Thank you for supporting.