I was expecting I'll be the one who'll meet her at the coffee shop but it was the opposite. As I walk inside, roaming around my sight. I saw her, wearing business attire. She was sitting alone silently as she waited for someone to meet her up. I walked towards her while she was busy on her phone.
"Sorry for waiting." I casually said and sat on the chair. She just smiled at me but her eyes were telling me differently.
"It's fine."
"So, what do you wanna talk about? Let's take an order first—" I asked, feeling calm and it seems like nothing happened in the past few days but she interrupted me from asking to make dinner.
"No, No. I'm full. I...I just want to talk about something before you go." She uttered and couldn't even look at me directly.
"Tell it now, then."
She sighed. It seemed like something bothered her. Something made her feel heavy at the moment. "I know I'm the reason for your leaving. Or if I'm completely not, maybe I was the one….Xy, I'm sorry. I am really sorry. I knew it. It's just that I'm not telling you about us because I know you might get hurt—" She bit her lips and was about to cry. Her voice cracked and wasn't able to continue her words.
I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, Get hurt. You know what, tell me or not it still hurt me. Congrats! You have my brother now. You won't regret being with him. Please, don't hurt my brother as you did to me. Swear it, Louisa." The tears started to fall down her cheeks.
"I...I swear. I—I won’t." She wiped her tears and stood up. "I have to go." Then she left me again.
I stared at her until she got outside. That night I’d realized not to force something either expecting something to happen. Just ride with it. I also left the coffee shop to go home. I'm leaving early tomorrow.
It was 4 am in the morning as I drove my way to Blue resort which was owned by my Dad's brother. It was a long way drive and I enjoyed it hanging out alone. I played music and sang with it. I was hoping for a good vacation when I get there. I was looking forward to finally found out what really I was. If love does need distance to make it stop. I was sure I could make it. I would go back with nothing means when looking at her eyes without admiration and hope. That was a victory for me.
I pulled my suitcase in front of the blue resort. The sun was coming to rise. Only the staff of the resort was there because it was private. I told my uncle that I would pay for this but he said I didn't need to do that besides I seldom came here.
"Uncle!"
"Hey, Xyler. Long time no visit. Good that you remember to come here. Come on inside. Your room was already settled."
"Yeah, I miss you." He hugged me like he always did when we're a kid.
"Where's Xymon? I never saw him in the past 2 years." He asked.
"He's been busy working the business." I roamed around the room. It was a huge space for me.
"You're brother is really like your mom, Always working for a business and had no time for other things. How about you?" He got a can of beer in the refrigerator.
"I'm good. I leave my work for this. I...I need to relax."
"Hmm. Is that the only thing that bothered you?"
I looked at him. He just laughed at me and give me the beer. "Oh! Son. I knew it. It's about the girl, Am I right?" I wondered if he was a fortune-teller. He was good at guessing.
"You never got wrong as always." I smiled.
"I have done with that when I was with your age. It's obvious. "He patted me on the shoulder. "So, what was it?"
I shook my head. We're sitting on the couch while talking. Uncle was waiting for me to utter a word.
"I'd been in love but I stop it. She was with my brother now. I could do nothing but come here to move on. I hope I will."
"It's not possible. You do love her, and so you set her free without consulting her real feelings, or at some point, there's a reason behind it." I didn't understand why would he said that. I really don't get the point.
"I did, Uncle. We talked right after I left."
"Hmm...I hope you get what I mean. You're not a kid anymore that easily takes away yourself and goes back to your comfort zone just not to get hurt. Cheers!"
I thought about what Uncle said. I don't understand what he means but I might understand that when it's all over. It's true that I left so as not to be hurt again but that's what I knew I should. Once we get hurt, we took away so that wounds will heal immediately. Why do we push the very thing that is moving away from us? Wouldn't that be more painful?
Uncle also left immediately because he also had guests coming. I lay down on the bed and just stared at the ceiling.
I turned off my phone so I didn't receive a notification. I stared at the outside through the window. The sun has risen. Also, enough to bathe in the cold sea. I changed into sweat shorts and a thin shirt. I put my sunglasses on.
I went out and there weren't too many people. Only your VIPs are here. Take a walk on the white sand. The calm of the view here. I sat up and let the water wet my thigh. The amount that comes to my mind.
My memory of being with her flashed through my mind. When we were still in college. The days when he accompanies me to the bar when I have a problem and whenever there are people who can make me out, she is the only one who knows who the women I am with are. I was shaken by how stupid I was then but despite who I was before, she accepted me. Maybe I shouldn't wonder why she doesn't love me. I'm not deserving of her. She was with me at my worst but I looked like I wasn't there when she needed me. She was always telling me that she was okay so I didn't ask her anymore because I thought she was really okay. My fool. Because of this, I realized that I was also wrong. It was only right that I left his life. If I kept on forcing myself into her, she wouldn’t get the deserving for her and it was Xymon. I'm happy for them.
I'll start to move on.