I locked myself in my room as soon as we arrived home. My chest felt heavy, as if it were about to burst. My mother was gravely concerned, and I knew she stood outside my bedroom door, longing to accompany me during this sorrowful phase of my life.
I lay down on my bed, still engulfed in tears. I had an overwhelming urge to scream, to release the sadness and anger that consumed me. I couldn't fathom why Sam had turned down my marriage proposal. She professed her love for me, so why the rejection? I was willing to wait, to support her in pursuing whatever she desired in life. But why did she turn away and disregard the years of love and companionship we shared? Did it hold no value for her?
Gentle taps on the door shattered the silence, and I knew it was my mother. I was aware she could hear my sobs from within.
"Son, open the door. Mom will be here for you," my mother implored, persistently knocking.
I chose not to respond, yearning for solitude. I wanted to reflect on why Sam had left me. Had I rushed things? Did she dislike the way things were set up? Or perhaps...
"She has someone else now," I murmured, words I hesitated to even contemplate or utter, knowing they would only inflict greater pain upon me.
I remembered that the engagement ring, intended for Sam's finger, still rested in my pocket. I reached for it, retrieving it from the depths of my pants pocket, and examined it closely. Time seemed to stretch on...
"Child, please allow me to accompany you," my mother pleaded once more, her presence unwavering at my bedroom door.
I knew my mother wept as well, and guilt washed over me, realizing the impact this ordeal had on them.
"Bro, please open the door. Mom and I will be by your side," my older brother Caleb interjected, a pillar of support as the eldest among us siblings.
Perhaps he had accompanied my mother and shared in her concern for me. Truth be told, I had never shed tears over anything in my entire existence. My mother once shared an anecdote from my childhood—a tale of countless falls from my bike, resulting in bleeding cuts on my legs and hands, yet I remained tearless. I couldn't recall the last time I wept since I gained understanding.
But now, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't halt the flow of my tears. Why was I crying over Sam's rejection of my love? Was our entire relationship merely an act, a façade of love that endured for far too long? Was it wrong for me to desire a lifetime with her?
"I'm okay, Mom, bro! Don't worry about me!" I retorted, raising my voice.
"Child, I know you're not okay! Please let Mom in. I can't find solace knowing you're in distress," my mother insisted. Her tone conveyed her tears and mounting worry.
I rose from my position on the bed, attempting to suppress my tears and wipe the moisture from my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled slowly, releasing the weight that burdened my chest. With measured steps, I advanced towards the door of my room. Gripping the doorknob with my finger, I turned it and swung the door open.
Facing me as I opened the door was my dear mother, her eyes also filled with tears, accompanied by my older brother, Caleb.
"Walter, my son!" my mother exclaimed, enfolding me in her embrace without hesitation.
In that moment, a surge of tears overwhelmed me, magnified by the unwavering support of my family. From the living room, my two younger sisters, Kaycee and Kaylene, observed with sorrowful gazes.
"Mama, it hurts... Why does it hurt so much?!" I managed to convey, my words weighed down by the ache in my chest.
As my mother tightened her hold on me, I felt the comforting pat of my brother's hand on my back.
"Shhh... Just hold on... I know it's painful. Walter, you loved deeply, and she simply disregarded the love you gave. That's why it hurts. Yet, wounds will heal, no matter how deep they seem," my mother whispered, her words gently soothing my tears.
With trails of tears marking her once smooth face, the lines etched by her emotions became noticeable, particularly around her eyes.
Must love always bring pain before it can be deemed real? Why must one endure suffering when their intention was to love wholeheartedly and sincerely?
For several minutes, my mother held me tightly, overflowing with love and care, gradually calming the tempest within my heart. Eventually, they left me in my room, ensuring that I had found solace, deciding it was time to lie down and rest on my bed.
How could anyone find sleep in such circumstances? My girlfriend rejected the marriage proposal of someone who loved her truly and deeply. A profound bond and affection that we shared was callously dismissed, vanishing in an instant. Did life still hold any purpose when the very person who gave meaning to it became the reason for my desire to cease living?
I surveyed my room, my gaze lingering on each corner and alcove, yet Sam's presence lingered still. Redirecting my focus to the open window, I observed the moon's dim glow, casting an indifferent light outside. Love is said to give life, but it seems that love can also bestow a reason to renounce it.
No, I won't die. I won't give up on Sam. I need her in my life to keep living. She is the reason why I breathe and why I continue to live. I need to go to her.
Once again, I stood up from the bed in a hurry. I quickly went to the bathroom and took a shower. After my shower, I picked the polo shirt that Sam gave me on my last birthday. I also grabbed the cologne she picked for me because she said she loved its scent.
I'm going to her place to convince her. I won't give up on her. I want her back, and I want her to love me again.
I grabbed the car keys hanging behind my bedroom door and went out quickly. I headed to the front gate of our house and opened it. Then I got into the SUV my father gave me as a graduation gift from college.
I immediately started the car's engine, wasting no time in driving it out of the gate. I saw my mother and my brother Caleb running out of the house's door, trying to catch up and stop me. But I needed to go to Sam; I needed to talk to her because, as she mentioned, she would be leaving tomorrow. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her from my life. It would be my own death.
I sped down Macapagal Highway, not bothering to slow down at traffic lights, narrowly avoiding collisions with other cars. Luckily, there were no traffic enforcers on the road at that time. I didn't care if I got into an accident and died in that moment because I already felt dead, hoping to find a reason to live again.
It was almost midnight when I reached Sam's house. Their two-story house was designed in a modern style. Sam's father, an architect, invested a lot of time and money to make it beautiful.
I parked my SUV right in front of their house. I quickly opened the car door and got out. I took a deep breath, hoping she would accept me again, the woman I had loved for a long time.
I grabbed my cell phone from my pants pocket and immediately dialed her number. I put the phone to my ear, silently hoping that Sam would answer.
"Please Sam...please, answer the phone," I muttered while waiting for Sam's response.
Her cellphone continued to ring, and she still didn't answer. Maybe she didn't notice that I was calling her.
Just keep on calling her number, Walter, don't give up. You need her back, I told myself, refusing to give up on her.
Her cellphone continued to ring, but she still didn't answer. I tried texting her multiple times, but she didn't reply. Patience started to wear thin, yet I continued to dial her phone number.
"Please Sam, answer your f*cking phone!" I exclaimed in frustration while waiting for her to pick up my call.
In those moments, I realized that I had been crying earlier because I was losing hope of being able to talk to her.
"Pick up your phone, Sam, please, please, please?!"
Suddenly, I felt a surge of relief and a smile formed on my face when I heard her answer the call.
"Hello, Sam? Thank God Sam, you answered my call!" I exclaimed quickly.
It took a while before she responded, and all I heard from her were sighs.
"Sam, please?" I pleaded with teary eyes.
It took her a while to respond, but her answers remained just as stubborn.
"Walter, I can't be yours, and that won't happen again. I know how much you have loved me, and that's the reason why I cannot love you the way you want me to. I feel guilty because I can't match that. The problem is not with you, it's with me, and I don't deserve your love. Please try to understand," her repeated response felt like a constant blow to me.
"Then make me understand why we suddenly ended up this way and can no longer be together?!" I shouted at her. "Why, is there someone else?"
"No, Walter, there is no one else involved. And you will never understand. I'm so sorry, and I think it's goodbye now, Walter..." Sam's voice was filled with sadness.
"Sam, please don't do this, Sam. Please don't do this!"
But she finally hung up her cellphone. I sobbed, feeling weak, my knees almost giving out.
"Sam, why are you so heartless?..." Those were the only words I could utter, like a child crying over a dropped ice cream.
Once again, I turned to look at Sam's room window. The light was on, and I knew she was looking at me. I quickly made my way to the gate and climbed it to enter their yard. As soon as I entered, I rushed to pound on the door of their house.
"Sam, please open the door! Face me, let's talk, have mercy!" I shouted while pounding on their house door.
I saw a light turn on in their living room. I knew it was Sam, and she couldn't bear to see my suffering.
I wanted to smile when I heard the lock of their door click open, but it wasn't Sam's face that greeted me when the door swung open.
"Walter, go home! It's late at night, and Sam's leaving early in the morning," Uncle Albert, Sam's father, said emphatically.
"Tito, I really just need to talk to Sam, I'm begging you," I pleaded with him. I was about to kneel and hold his hand, but he moved away before I could do that.
"Walter, can't you see yourself? My daughter doesn't want to talk to you. Is it so hard to understand?" Tito Albert snapped, his voice filled with frustration.
"Tito, I love Sam so much, and I'm only asking for a little time. I promise, after that, I'll leave immediately," I pleaded again with Sam's father.
"I'm warning you, Walter, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to call the police and get you arrested!" Tito Albert issued his threat, but I was not afraid of being arrested by Sam's father.
"That's why I'm begging you, Tito. Please let me talk to Sam!
And I insisted on entering the door of their house, where Tito Albert was blocking. Before I could even reach the door, he intercepted me and delivered a powerful punch with his right hand to my face. My vision almost darkened as his fist struck my bleeding nose and mouth. Then, he forcefully pushed me onto the concrete floor of the terrace.
Just as Uncle Albert was about to strike me again, Aunt Amanda, Sam's mother, intervened. Aunt Amanda was crying and pleading for us to leave their home.
"You bastard! Leave before the police arrive and you lose your teaching license!" Sam's father shouted angrily at me.
"Dad..." Sam said.
My face immediately brightened upon hearing Sam's voice.
"Sam, get inside now! Amanda, go inside with Samantha. I'll handle Walter," Uncle Albert sternly instructed his wife and daughter.
"No, dad! I think Walter and I need to talk to end this," Sam said.
"No, Sam..." Uncle Albert tried to object, but Tita Amanda held his hand.
"Let them. It's Walter's right to know the real reason, and it's our child's responsibility to tell him," Aunt Amanda said, gesturing for him to enter their house. This left me and Sam alone to talk.
I forced a smile at Sam and quickly took her hands, eagerly kissing them.
"Thank you, Sam. Thank you," I said with pure joy. I wanted to embrace and kiss her, to tell her how much I loved her and plead for her not to leave me. I was about to kiss her cheek, but she avoided it.
"Walter, don't. I just want this to be over, and after this, you need to go on with your life and move on, okay?" she said, struggling to hold back her tears, even though they welled in her eyes.
"What... What do you mean?" I asked, shocked, even though I already knew what she meant.
"I know it's really hard for you to accept, especially because I blindsided you, and I'm very sorry for that," she said. "...now I want you to listen, and I need you to understand." She couldn't help but cry in front of me, but she still tried to be strong.
"Understand what? Then tell me so I can understand!" I replied.
She turned away from me. I knew she was crying in that moment.
She took a deep breath before answering. "I'm engaged... I am engaged to someone I really love, and it's not you," she said sadly.
I stood there, speechless, not wanting to believe what she was saying.
"What... What is this, a joke, Sam?" were the only words that came out of my mouth.
"I'm engage to Mark Salumbides and I have been together for a long time. You know him. He's the one I introduced you to during our college graduation, the guy from London. I know I've been so unfair; I just didn't know how to tell you," she said.
I knew she wasn't telling the truth. She couldn't even look directly into my eyes.
"I don't believe you, Sam. I don't!"
"I can't blame you, Walter, for not believing me. Mark and I are getting married two months from now. That's why I need to go to London as soon as possible. I've been taking care of all the necessary documents for the marriage," she said.
I felt like a candle burning out in front of Sam, completely unaware that she already had another relationship.
"God knows how many times I tried to tell you, but I always lost the courage to do it. Don't think that I didn't love you, but I realized that love alone isn't enough. I need to grow on my own and explore. And for me to do that, I have to go out and see the world. That opportunity came when I met Mark."
"All those years we've been together, you made me believe you loved me. Why did you do this to me, Sam? Did I do something wrong? Was I lacking as your partner for over four years? More than four years, Sam, and you just threw it all away..."
"I'm sorry... Maybe, maybe you're too perfect for me, and I can no longer find myself being with you," she sobbed. "Forgive me, please, set me free."
Sam ran off, but it felt like something was holding my feet back from chasing her. I felt anger and self-pity in those moments. I couldn't feel my tears anymore. I didn't even realize that my feet were already taking me away from that place.
Before I went out of their gate, I looked back at her bedroom window and saw her shadow peering through the curtains, watching me. I felt numb all over, with no direction of where to go.
When I reached the SUV, that was when I released my anger. I threw a strong punch at the car door mirror, and I felt a bone crack in my hand. I sat down and screamed, not because of the pain, but because of the heaviness in my chest.
In that situation, Kuya Caleb's car parked beside my SUV. The door opened, and there she was, the woman who endlessly loved me, Mama...
"Walter, my child," she cried out and hugged me tightly.